Go read roo’s post about one woman’s rude comment to her, a woman I’ve already soundly beaten up in my head. The whole posts touches on the general nosy meanness of women in certain areas.
Seriously, womenfolk. What’s wrong with us? Why do we have to be such beyotches to each other? And why is there such a proprietary vibe, a need to know or comment about one another’s bodies — whether we’re pregnant, whether we’re NOT pregnant and WHY? It’s one thing if the women involved in the exchange are friends, but it’s another thing altogether if they’re strangers and one of the women has no effin’ boundaries. What is it about the female DNA that makes us this way? Roo hits on a point that I think I’ve mentioned before in one of my infertility posts: Men don’t ask these kinds of questions or make these kinds of comments to women. They’re just wired differently, thank God. They know when to keep their mouths shut and, besides that, it’s not a competition for them, but I think it is for women. Am I thinner than you? More fertile than you?
I need to know to feel better than you and, mostly, better about myself.
Stop it, women. Stop it, I beg you!
Ugh.
I think being thin is definitely a competition for women. I know I compare myself to every woman I ever see. I’d never open my mouth after this competition (whether I win or lose) but it is there, stewing in the swamps of my brain.
I’m trying to win by not playing the game. But that’s tough when I keep getting tackled.
Thanks for the link, tracey.
It’s just never okay to say something that might make another person feel bad. Women SHOULD be more aware of this. Roo deserves credit for not just saying, “You know? On second thought, I don’t think this dress would look right on you. I don’t think I want to sell it to you. Thanks for coming by!” and kicking her out. *high five to roo for being the more awesome woman in this exchange*
I actually once thought I didn’t like women and couldn’t be friends with women because of this sort of thing. Now MOST of my friends are women.
I think there is some creepy thing inside the female brain that is hard-wired to compete. It’s a biological imperative to have the most desirable qualities in order to compete for a strong mate and a high place in the pecking order of our tribe so that we might secure the best cave or provide the best life for our young or something… So this biological hard-wiring hasn’t really kept up with the times. Working cooperatively is better. We’re capable of being smarter and more insightful than these base instincts.
At the end of the day my big boobs don’t trump my best friend’s skinny hips which aren’t more amazing than our other friend’s long luscious curly hair or vice versa. One of us isn’t better than the other. The gal with the most perfect figure or who has inspired envy or shame in the largest number of her fellow females certainly doesn’t win the prize or have the happiest life. Learning to be supportive of the women around me and finding ways to show the younger women I meet HOW to interact positively and supportively with the women they encounter has become a thing for me. I love being in a group of young twenty-somethings and starting a would-be gossip session with how amazing a woman we know has been looking and how happy I am that so-and-so has an incredible new job that seems to be making her really happy. Throws off the whole icky gossip dynamic. It’s like pointing them in the right direction. THIS is how we should be.
And you know the whole “If you don’t have something nice to say…” thing? I feel like we make the world a better place when we embrace that not only by NOT saying stupid things like making guesses about the state of another woman’s body but actually by proactively SAYING SOMETHING when you DO have something nice to say. I’ve had some great conversations because I told a stranger her hair was amazing or that she has killer taste in shoes. There’s no better way to make a new female friend than by saying, “I see the awesome in you.”
I love your comment, Marisa. It shows me the awesome in you!
Now, for my Ani DiFranco quote for every occasion–
“God help you if you are an ugly girl. Course too pretty is also your tomb; everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room.”
Marisa — AMEN, girl! FANTASTIC comment.
This is brilliant:
//Learning to be supportive of the women around me and finding ways to show the younger women I meet HOW to interact positively and supportively with the women they encounter has become a thing for me. I love being in a group of young twenty-somethings and starting a would-be gossip session with how amazing a woman we know has been looking and how happy I am that so-and-so has an incredible new job that seems to be making her really happy. Throws off the whole icky gossip dynamic. It’s like pointing them in the right direction. THIS is how we should be.//
It’s like you’re being an ambassador of goodness and compassion. I LOVE that.
roo — That quote is perfect. Thanks for posting it!
Oh, that’s just wrong.
Can’t ignore the “selling something” angle–some women really do it wrong. That rude woman wasn’t just cutting Roo down; she was trying to make Roo feel bad enough to think she needed that pilates class. And like the woman from my book club who insists I have every problem she does. . . and her products can fix it all. And I’d like to be able to run into her in the supermarket and just say hi like the friends she pretends we re. Not have a CD shoved at me that I must listen to.