where are my manners?

So I’m at Costco the other day.  We all know Costco, right?  Basically a hangar-sized building filled to the brim with enough bulk items to satisfy any shopper’s greedy, grabby consumer lust.  In other words, a place that fills me weepy, sloppy love.  And I still love Costco even though I worked there in high school, which should have had a lifelong repellent effect.  Not for me.  When I’m at Costco, I know Jesus loves me.

So … I’m at Costco the other day.  Somehow I managed to subdue my pounding desire for that 10-pound bag of potato chips, that silo full of Red Vines, that moon-sized pizza.  Smug with my utter dominance over The Sirens’ Call of Costco, I approached the checkout with only 5 — yep, count ’em, 5 — items.  I did, however, succumb to some practical items, like The Raft o’ Toilet Paper.  Hey, get yourself enough of those and you have what I call the guest bed.

Surprisingly, the line wasn’t that long.  And trust me, I know what a long line at Costco is.   As I stood there,  4 or 5 more people fell in line behind me.  Moments later, my turn, and I was quite giddy about it, frankly.  But just then, on the brink of my precious turn, up strolled Duchess McSnooty Voice. 

Stepping in front of me, she clipped, "May I cut in front of you?  I only have a few things."

Quickly, I glanced and counted.  Well, okay.  She did have only a few things.  Seven, to be precise.  I heard The Lady Behind Me breathe one of those lingering, huffy breaths. 

Now, I’m not opposed to letting someone in front of me who has fewer items than I do.  I’ll even offer, because, by golly, I’m just that wonderful.  But when there are other people in line behind me, I find things get … fuzzy.  Because, really, aren’t you asking to go in front of everyone in line, Duchess? 

I was entering a weird area.  Duchess McSnooty Voice was waiting and staring at me, The Lady Behind Me was waiting and huffing at me, and I just wanted to go home to peace and quiet and the blessed security of my glorious Raft o’ Toilet Paper.

Plus, I wanted one of themthere yummy Costco hot dogs as a reward for all that temptation I had resisted.

Crumbling under the weight of all the staring and huffing, I looked at Duchess McSnooty Voice and said, with a sagacity far beyond my years:

"Well,  I don’t have a problem with it" (just a wee Pinocchio),"but why don’t you ask the people behind me if it’s okay with them, too?"

This, to me, seemed utterly sane and reasonable.  I was quite taken with myself.

Instantly, The Lady Behind Me stopped huffing.  Duchess McSnooty Voice, however, kept staring.  At me, like I was crazy.  Then I did the unpardonable, I guess.  I smiled at her.  And she stomped away.  Huffing. 

Was it something I said?