I’m also a crankypants, as we all know.
And I don’t like this.
They seem like a fun-loving buncha kooks, they do, and I love the fun-loving kooks, but — and this is where I’m a hideous ol’ gammie, I guess — I think some things should retain a teensy bit of their dignity. When you’re walking down that aisle, it’s a BIG DEAL. You’re about to do something huge, life-changing, and I think a slightly more traditional processional is more in keeping with the hugeness of the moment.
The worst processional I ever personally witnessed was a girl from our church who decided — oh so ill-advisedly — to SING while she was walking down the aisle. She was a terrible singer. Like a bad American Idol audition. Now we could barely hear her, which was probably for the best because, again, she was a terrrrible singer, and let’s just say it’s a really good thing Simon Cowell wasn’t there. About halfway down the aisle, though, the wedding nerves must have seized her vocal cords and her brain waves because she got all turned around in the song, a namby-pamby worship song, and her eyes went from penny sized to plate sized in terror. She stopped dead in her tracks and bounced around — for the Lord, I guess — or to shake her brain awake, while MB and I and basically everyone around us sat in the pews shaking with the laughter borne of horror that you feel kinda bad about later but just can’t stop doing now. She and her groom are no longer married and I’ve always thought it’s because I saw that same mask of horror on his face that I saw on everybody else’s as she walked her catastrophic walk towards him, singing all about Jesus. You could literally see the guy thinking, “Uhm, yeah. But what about ME?” His future flashed before his eyes and it was no freakin’ bueno, pippa. She wanted to surprise him. I guess she did. I knowed something weren’t right in those crazy kids’ heads when the dude proposed to her at Bible study.
Yamahama.
I, myself, neither sang a song about Jesus nor danced to a 5-minute Chris Brown song when I walked down the aisle. No, when I walked down the aisle and glanced up at MB standing there, all devastatingly handsome, I wanted to savor that moment, breathe it in, walk slowly enough to make it last but not so slowly that people would start to think they should dial 911. Singing about Jesus or dancing to Chris Brown would have interrupted that moment, my thought process, my focus. I wanted to walk with purpose towards this future we’d chosen, and I know MB felt the same about seeing me, although maybe not the handsome part. I remember I could tell he was nervous by the way he was breathing, so as I walked down the aisle, I winked at him and he instantly, visibly relaxed. Yeah, we’re getting married, we can take it very seriously, but we’re still US and we can share a little wink. A tiny moment of levity between us that most people didn’t even see.
I’d have no problem if this couple did something like this as the REcessional, as they’re leaving, woo hoo we’re married, and I love all the videos on YouTube of the choreographed bridal party dances at the reception. But these few moments, I don’t know, they’re sacred to me. I don’t think they’re the time and place for silliness, but maybe that’s just me. To me, you’re physically entering the room, yes, but you’re also entering into the biggest deal of your lives. This bridal party is obviously having fun, but it all seems too blithe for me. TOO carefree. Well, maybe not carefree, careless.
Okay. So I’m officially a gammie then, swigging my jug of prune juice. Oh, and to add to my gamminess: I think the bride looks stupid doing this. Sorry. I think they all look ridiculous, but I’m saving all my ire for her since I’m assuming she might have been someone who could have put a stop to this. And — AND — (insert indignant gammie voice here): “I would not be caught dead walking down the aisle to a song that says ‘double your pleasure, double your fun.’ You’re getting married, not filming a gum commercial!”
Besides, the whole thing is over 5 minutes long. Get on with the gettin’ hitched part! Is that why you’re there or not?
Look. Ol’ Gammie here just likes the awe of the processional. The hush. The fleeting majesty. I like the moment when the doors swing open — whoosh — and you see that bride take her first step down that aisle. I like seeing it now; I liked doing it then. I liked taking those few moments down that aisle to see — really see — my future in front of me. I liked letting everything and everyone else melt away into the background. I like watching the groom as he watches his bride and sees no one but her. It’s magic, feeling that love as a palpable cord pulling these two people together, feeling that you’re all in the presence of something much much bigger than all of you. Because you are.
Take that away and it loses some magic for me. The hush is missing. The awe is gone.
And there’s just not enough awe anymore.
// a girl from our church who decided — oh so ill-advisedly — to SING while she was walking down the aisle. //
Uhm, pardon me? For real?
When I was in college, one of my friends — who has a gorgeous voice — got married, and he sang “I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You” to his bride when she walked down the aisle, while we “oooohh” the harmonies in the background. I love him, but dadgum that was cheesy.
I’M such a gammie that I wouldn’t even have pictures taken before the wedding. I wanted D’s first sight of me in my wedding dress to be when the doors whooshed open.
Tracey – have you seen the parody? Of their divorce proceedings?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2I2QXfhoh8k
I am in love with that.
She stopped dead in her tracks and bounced around — for the Lord, I guess…
Ah, the gift of inappropriate laughter! Awesome. But I’m with you. We saved our “us moment” for the intro at the reception, preferring our church ceremony to be, well, ceremonial.
I knowed something weren’t right in those crazy kids’ heads when the dude proposed to her at Bible study.
Uhhhhhh….. I kinda proposed to my Ladybug in the chapel before our Bible study. (We met at Bible study.) But yeah, no singing to her in church, to Chris Brown or anyone else. And I’m with Lisa – no pictures beforehand. My first sight of Ladybug in her wedding dress WAS when the doors whooshed open… or in our case, since there weren’t doors, when the music started and it was safe to look up without passing out.
I second your emotion.
sheila — I kid you not. SHE SANG WHILE SHE WALKED DOWN THE AISLE. It was gross.
Lisa — Me too on the photos. The photographer took pictures of us separately before the wedding so we could have the moment when we first see each other be when those doors opened and I started walkin’.
NF — No, but you didn’t propose in the middle of Bible study, did you? In someone else’s living room? With people eating crackers and cheese from a cheese ball? What you did sounds lovely and romantic.
sheila — Sorry. The link put you in moderation. Yeah, I have seen that! It’s hilarious, isn’t it?
Now, here’s where I’m just a dithery dame, I guess, because when “Jill and Kevin” DO get divorced, I totally hope they do that.
I appreciate what they did here. Not something I would have done but to each there own.
What I noticed is that she was not walked down the aisle to be given away – another tradition blown. Where was the dad or the father figure? Did he get dissed so the kids could have fun? Maybe he couldn’t dance. That’s probably what it was. He had no groove so he was out.
Maybe she didn’t have a dad or a father figure.
Tracey – wow, singing while walking? That is so INSANE. I wish someone would upload THAT clip to Youtube. I have no idea how you guys kept it together. I would have had to hide my face in my hands, due to the guffaws of embarrassed laughter.
I had thought of that too Sheila; I just don’t know if I’ve ever seen a bride walk (or dance in this case) down the aisle by herself.
If I ever get married, I’ll walk down the aisle by myself. If my dad can’t do it, I don’t want anyone else. Personal choice.
I think that’s why she stopped, the walking/singing thing. She couldn’t do it. She needed a choreographer or something. Or a tyrannical wedding planner to tell her NO.
Some songs — like the songs in musicals — lend themselves to movement. Strolling around singing “O What a Beautiful Morning” feels natural.
Walking down the aisle on your wedding day singing — to JESUS now, your groom is an afterthought — “I …….. receive …… your everlasting love for me …… I (bounce bounce) …. receive (bounce bounce) … your …… (oh no help me bounce bounce bounce panic bounce bouncy bounce horror bounce)” — is NOT natural.
Our pew was SHAKING with how hard we were holding our laughter in. Horrible people.
“She stopped dead in her tracks and bounced around”–sounds like the hoedown dance Ashlee Simpson did when her canned vocals went wonky on SNL.
I totally have no sense of humor–that dance was BANAL. Seriously, if you feel you have to do something like this to spice up your wedding ceremony, then something is inherently missing. A wedding, even the simplest one, is pretty much a spectacle in and of itself. This was just the wrong place and time. Save it for the reception. So I can sneak away and drink from the chocolate fountain ’cause nobody’s looking.
Kate P — /Seriously, if you feel you have to do something like this to spice up your wedding ceremony, then something is inherently missing./
YES! That’s it exactly! You said it perfectly, Kate P, thank you!
Another thing here:
The girl we witnessed walking and “singing” down the aisle did it as a surprise to her groom. Judging by his expression, he was definitely surprised. I felt like I was watching a man at the worst surprise party of his LIFE. The groom wants to look at you with love, not horror. She forced him to wear a mask of love OVER his horror and it didn’t quite work. Don’t put your groom in that position on your wedding day. Don’t make him suddenly go “uhmmm ……” when he’s asked, “Do you take this woman to be your wife?”
(And don’t do that to your bride either. No weirdo embarrassing surprises that make your almost spouse second guess his/her choice.)
tracey – hold the phone… the proposal was in the MIDDLE of the study, as in DURING the study, as in while the study was in progress? “So, what I think Paul was talking about in this passage is the power of grace to fulfill and transform the law, and you and me getting hitched.”
OH.
And Kate – I’ll meet you at the chocolate fountain. (We had one at our reception; I confess that the main draw, for me, was that it looked like the Stanley Cup.)
Nightfly – hahahahahahahahahaha
NF — The MIDDLE of the Bible study. Yeppers. Awkward.
It’s just a thing of mine. I find any kind of public proposal cringe-inducing. If you do it in a public place, that’s one thing, but to have other people witness what you say and how much you might be shaking and if you fumble the ring — I don’t know. It gets me upset. I don’t mind the grand gesture proposal — writing in the sky or whatever — I just cringe having to witness the words. The nerves. Which are even more extreme if you choose to go public with it.
You know how most women will sit on a couch and put a pillow in their laps? Well, that night at Bible study, I think every woman there just wanted to bury her face in that pillow forever. I mean, we’re just sittin’ around, chattin’ about the road to Emmaus or whatever, and BAM! a 3-D cringe-o-rama.
I’m not a crankypants…much…but this dance-down-the-aisle thing seemed weird to me. Like an idea someone came up with when drunk the night before the wedding day. The best (worst) part of this dancing wedding entrance was the chick marrying the pair bobbing up and down to the music too. I wonder what kind of premarital counseling that minister offers? The mind reels.
How it ought to be done: appropriate and enchanting:
http://tomatosoupcake.blogspot.com/2010/09/if-this-dont-make-ya-smile.html
Also? This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oy1uWAm4SnI
Sal and Lisa — Those are fabulous! I’d seen the Amy one a while ago, but I’m so glad you posted it, Lisa, because it was just great to see it again. What amazing family and friends in both videos. The love is palpable.
Am I the only person in the world who loved this? I did. Loved it.
You are the only person in the world who loved it, sarahk.
Hahahahaha.