the puppet master

“Soooo, Tracey, tell me. What do you think of puppets?”

“Uhm, raunchy puppets?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“Just regular Christian puppets.”

“Oh. You mean BORN AGAIN puppets.”

“Yes. Exactly.”

“Yes, of course, that’s what I thought you meant. I mean, I was …. just kidding …. before.”

“Mm-hmmmm.”

“So, what do I think of regular Christian born again puppets?

“Yes. That’s the question.”

“Uhm ….”

“Well?”

I already blew it, didn’t I?”

“Yes.”

“I should probably just go then?”

“I think that’s best.”

“Right.”

“Thank you.”

“For the record, puppets suck.”

“Please go.”

(Based on a true story. Actual dialog permanently repressed. Trust me, it was bad.)

8 Replies to “the puppet master”

  1. Question: How do puppets become born-again? I mean, you can’t really get them all wet in the baptizing pool, right? Don’t they get all unglued?

    I think puppets are cool, but I’d leave their usage to the Muppet people or whatever.

  2. Kate P — The same way anyone else does, I guess. They accept Jesus as their savior, unless they’re part of a puppet insurgency. Then there is no hope for them.

    He was just one of those Christians who need everything — even inanimate objects — to be “Christian.” “Christian” movies. “Christian” music. “Christian” puppets. “Christian” condoms.

    No, wait. Those are inherently heathen.

  3. Tracey, I’m sure your real response was far more gracious than mine would have been. In a very earnest voice I would have said something like, “Christians who are puppets? Oh, I get it, Christian puppetry is really just a metaphor for everything that goes on here, right?”

    That’s probably why I have no future in the world of Christian education.

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