I sent my mother-in-law a Happy Mother’s Day email yesterday. Our relationship is complicated. She needs to be needed and I don’t need her. I have one mother already and that’s complicated enough, thanks. She drives both her daughters-in-law crazy, frankly, so at least I know I’m not alone here.
It’s taken me years to be able to write her what I wrote her yesterday, the gist of which was: You did a wonderful job with MB and I reap the benefits every day. I told her I loved her, which was hard — HARD — to do.
She wrote me back, two words:
“You’re welcome.”
I paid her a compliment; she said “you’re welcome.”
You did a great job on that project, Thelma.
You’re welcome.
Your recital was wonderful, Margaret.
You’re welcome.
You’re so sexy hot, Ryan.
You’re welcome.
Oh, for the love of God. Is it me???
Crackie’s in no mood these days.
Well, at least you know you get to keep (your) MB for another year.
(Seriously–it’s not you. I don’t know why I expect different things from the same people, either. They don’t change.)
Kate P — Sheesh. I hope so. I don’t think she has any say in that.
MIL has to be, like the saying goes, “the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral.” So yeah, Mother’s Day is all happy fun ball around here.
At least she doesn’t have to “share” it with MY mother, who is safely ensconced in Illinois. (It’s bad enough she has to “share” it with me.)
Eh, I think this is a gray area. She COULD have interpreted your message as, “Thank you for raising a such a wonderful, understanding son”. Therefore, the answer would be “Your welcome”.
Then again, based on MY mother-in-law, in every curt answer, in every compliment, in every seemly innocuous statement lies an underlying “dig”.
Lisa — Mine is the same way. Exactly. It’s so frustrating.
JFH — Yeah, I suppose you’re right, but I paid her a compliment and the fact that she didn’t say, “Oh, that’s a nice thing to say” or something like that was odd to me. I didn’t overtly say “thank you,” but I suppose it was implied. MB read it and got pissed at her, actually. It’s kind of a thing where you have to know her “tone” and the kind of person she is. It’s like I can hear her saying “you’re welcome” with a bit of “you owe me” implied. Know what I mean? She likes people to be indebted to her so I guess I interpreted it through that grid. It almost felt more like a “yes, of course, I’m awesome and YOU’RE WELCOME.”
That’s kind of who she is.
Well, I think it will be another DECADE before she gets another Mother’s Day email. The day is hard enough.
Yeah, tracey, as I hinted, I know very well about the “tone”… I get the “why can’t you be more like my other two son-in-laws (rich and southern bred)” every time I hear my mother-in-law says something to me.
Fortunately, my wife, like MB (or should that be YB?), does a good job of getting angry at her mother and letting me vent to her.
Good lord. Yeah, “thank you” is good manners, petty standard. “You’re welcome” is a bit, uhm, proprietary.
PRETTY standard. I can’t stand PETTY standards.
sheila — Those petty standards!! They ruin everything!!
JFH — Yes, thank God, MB understands, even when it’s his own mom. I don’t generally talk about her on this blog — I kind of think it’s unseemly of me to do so even now — but I’m feeling a little unfiltered and raw these days.
So I’m unseemly. So whatevs. I’ve been unseemly TONS of times, just not about this usually.
Unseemly is my middle name (though I’ve been trying to change it low these many years). It is impossible to have an honest conversation in the elite Charleston high society, and open bars loosen my tongue a bit too much. “Unfiltered and raw” is only allowed if you descend from the Rutledge’s, Middleton’s, Gadsden’s etc.
The rest of us, are required to nod and agree with our elders.
When I first read the “You’re welcome,” I was kind of hoping; but just the two words… ugh. I’m sorry you couldn’t get a gracious response, Tracey.
I think something along the lines of “I love you, too!” would have been in the expected reply somewhere. Did the reply card at least have a cute picture on it?
Mrs. C — No, it was just an email, which is fine. Mine was just an email, too. But,yes, a cute puppy photo or something could have had a mitigating effect.
Impressively bad manners.