word searches

Sometimes I love going through the Google searches that bring people to this little ol’ blog. It’s funny. Also depressing. How it does both at once, I leave to you to decipher.

Some recent ones:

~ hawaiian word for “defecate”

You know, we’ve covered a lot of ground here in five years, but I do not think we’ve covered this. Uhm, I hope.

~ men who drink foofoo coffee drinks

THIS I did talk about, since I care about manliness and whatnot. I think it’s truly one of my most humanitarian posts, and it’s getting lots of action lately — from Twitter. Why is that? Someone tell me. Is it good if someone links to your post on Twitter? What does it mean? How does that happen? I really don’t understand enough of this world anymore to still live in it. Do enlighten.

~ how to paint like bouguereau

The artist featured on this blog. Uh, pray? Perform a ritual involving rosemary and lizard feet? Travel back in time to Paris 1845 and enroll in the Ecole des Beaux-Arts? Yes, I think that’s probably the most direct route to getting what you want here, hon.

~ eurbgs skwrao

Oh, no. No. Look, Googler. You do NOT want to be a court reporter. And if you really DO, then you must know what these are, as they fall under the heading “Required Knowledge.” And if you really DO and you really DON’T, then, well, you have precisely the requisite mental acuity to just zip zip zzzzzzzip through court reporting school and then fall flat on your face in the real world. tkpwaod hrubg, tkupl/aoe! (You Googled it backwards, precious.)

~ hindu floaty thing

Thank you, Timothy Treadwell, for adding this phrase to my life. I use it all the time. Sorry that bear ate you, ya nutter.

~ slatterns

Hahahahahahaha. We supply all your slattern needs here.

~ fat frog w/two tan lines and tan dots

Uhm, wow. Your frog needs are really specific. Tan lines? I prefer my frogs sunbathe nude, but that’s just me. Also, you do know frogs don’t live on the Internet, right? I mean, they’re out there, uh, in the real world. Well, perhaps not the one you’re looking for. And what exactly is this frog wearing to have only two tan lines? A turtleneck? A mumu? Sigh. You couldn’t just read my live-blog of “Frogs” and be happy, could you?

~ actors/actresses with vegetables

What?? Is there interest in this? Of greater concern, have I actually talked about this?

~ stupid horatio caine sucks

Well, there you go. Something I HAVE talked about.

~ sandra bezic, condescending

I love the punctuation here. It’s like Joe Smith, CPA. As in that’s what she does. That’s what she is. I personally enjoy Sandra Bezic and her figure skating commentary, although Scott Hamilton and Dick Button are my favorites. I must have mentioned her during one of my world famous Olympic commentaries.

~ stupid coloring pages

So should I be distraught over how many people are brought here by Googling things with the word “stupid”? Also: “coloring pages”?? Do we do a lot of coloring on this blog?

You know, I think I’m now going to draw and post some stupid coloring pages for the world to enjoy. Maybe of a frog wearing a turtleneck or mumu. I sure hope that condescending Sandra Bezic doesn’t see them.

Good thing there’s nothing stupid here.

Proceed apace, pippa.