One Christmas years ago, I opened up a package from my mom. Inside was a stretchy FURRY peach-colored sweater. I kid you not. I’ve mentioned this outfit before on this blog. It was basically a little scrap of Lycra covered with faux peach FUR. A really disturbing “oh, hello, I’m a whore” look when you’re a well-endowed sort of girl.
MB and I howled at just how MUCH of a horrible slut I looked like in that thing. After I took it off, he tried it on for about 7.3 seconds. It was a midriff on him and made him look like an 80s glam rocker. I just lay on the bed, crying with laughter. It was hilarious on him; utterly tragic on me.
So my question this week of Christmas:
What is the worst Christmas present you’ve ever received or given?
Give us juicy details, pippa.
First time commenting, and I’m first commenter!
Things I’ve been on the receiving end of:
1. Cleaning supplies. From my mother. Admittedly, they were expensive “environmentally correct” cleaning supplies, but still, it’s like getting a big box full of nag.
2. As a child: school supplies. Just what you want to be reminded of on Christmas morning– homework! Yay!
3. One year two people sent presents which turned out to be all… for the cat. The cat, alas, did not send them anything in return.
The worst thign I’ve ever given… probably a Chia Pet. Hey, it seemed cute when I was 7.
I have an aunt and uncle who give terrible gifts. For years she made all kinds of knitted things – scarves, mittens, etc. – that, while I understand how much work went into them, were just not great Christmas gifts. They’ve outdone themselves in recent years, though. They’ve started giving these spiritual books. You know, the Christian book store specials? I understand their intent, but I’m just not going to read something with a title like Spirituality and You or something like that.
When I was about 9 or 10, my parents gave me a kid-style dissection kit, complete with a frog and a lizard (maybe?) in little formaldehyde-filled packets. And a little scalpel and tweezers.
No way you could get away with that today, and it probably wasn’t such a great idea forty-five years ago, either. But at the time, I thought it was terrific.
Terrible gift given? Stretch Armstrong.
Cullen — “Spirituality and You” hahahahahaha!
Sal — WHAT??
/a frog and a lizard (maybe?) in little formaldehyde-filled packets./
I’m kind of freaking out. Did you dissect the critters?
Brenda — Welcome! Sorry, your comment went into moderation because it was your first one.
But it’s cracking me up.
/it’s like getting a big box full of nag./
Hahahahahaha! That IS horrible.
And, wait. People gave you presents for your cat, but nothing for you? Yeah, I wouldn’t have the cat give them anything in return either.
Nope, never did. Kind of chickened-out. But I was very flattered that my folks thought (however erroneously) I had that sort of science smarts.
But can you imagine the marketing people who designed the box with the cut-outs so you could actually see them in their little plastic shrouds? In the toy store?
Brenda- “big box full of nag”? Genius.
Worst Christmas gift I ever got was a comment from my Grandma. As I was on my knees digging presents out from under the tree for the family Christmas (I was married with 5ish kids at that time) she said “Well, when you see [MamaTod] from behind, you can tell she’s not a little girl any more.”
Dead.silence.in.the.room.
To this day I don’t know who said what or how we moved on. It’s now a classic “worst of Grandma” story, but I still cringe when I think of that moment. I also wonder just where she thought I got those wide hips, of course, she couldn’t see hers!
The year Brian and I got married we were unable to afford going back to visit my family for Christmas, so my Grandma mailed us our gifts. When I opened mine, I found a black sweater with a bright red box on the bottom that looked like a Christmas present. As if wearing a big red present on your sweater wasn’t bad enough, the present had two kittens coming out of it. The kittens may have been furry, but I don’t remember. We laughed so hard at that thing that I was glad that she mailed it and I didn’t have to open it in front of her.
Another year she sent me a watch with a big floppy leather band. The face of the watch had spider webs and a spider moved around as the second hand.
And, yet another watch was received as a Christmas. Actually, it may have been a birthday gift, but I’ve lost track of all of the wonderful Grandma gifts I’ve received. This time it had beaded safety pins around the band. I took that watch to a white elephant gift exchange. When the receiver opened it she was shocked that someone would bring such a “nice” gift. I was shocked she thought it was “nice.”
It’s always been difficult opening gifts in front of her. She means well, but…well… I guess I’m not very good at faking being pleased about her gifts because she’s mentioned to my Mom before that she didn’t think I liked her gifts. I do try, though. Especially when she gave me the crappy mandolin grater that she received as a free gift from her trip to the casino.
MamaTod — I am aghast. That is horrible. HORRIBLE. Inexcusable. I hate those kinds of gifts, because they stay with you. Stupid sweaters can be given away, but not stupid words.
HORRRRIBLE.
Kathi — I got a similar sweater. Ugh. And just the thought of your spidey watch is giving me the heebies. Niece Piper would totally FREAK out. She HAAATES spiders.