I was on the phone with my sister when she shared this story about my four-year-old niece, Piper.
She was taking a bath the other evening, singing those little-girl-in-the-tub songs quite loudly and happily. My sister was working in the next room.
“Mommmm-MMEEEEEâ€
My sister sprinted.
“What’s wrong, Piper?â€
She was sobbing, heaving. The words — still charmingly unchanged by speech classes — came in gulps.
“Mommmy, I pooed in da tub. I sawwy, Mommy. I sawwy.â€
It was true.
“Oh, Piper. It’s okay. Don’t worry.â€
“But Mommy, it’s poo! In da tub! I SO sawwy!†She wailed, unconsoled.
“Piper, it’s okay, sweetie. Mommy will take care of it.â€
Suddenly, there was a barrage of questions regarding the fate of the offending poo.
“Mommy’s going to fix it. And, you know, it’s okay to get out of the tub if you need to go to the bathroom.â€
“Okay, Mommy,†she snuffled. “I so sawwy.â€
Looking straight in her daughter’s eyes, my sister said:
“You know what, Pipey? It’s okay. Sometimes that just happens.â€
Bawling blue eyes and dripping blonde hair soon dried as my sister scooped her up in a fluffy towel. The next morning at breakfast, Piper apologized yet again.
“Mommy, I sawwy I pooed in da tub.â€
My sister had barely opened her mouth to reassure her when Piper continued:
“But ya know what, Mommy? Sometimes dat dust happens.â€
I hung up the phone and just sat there, chuckling, thinking.
I thought how those few words my sister spoke were words of redemption, really. What could have been shameful and humiliating was reborn into freedom and acceptance.
And I thought how shame comes knocking, always, even in seemingly small situations. So we can either invite him in, give him a home, or we can throw him to the curb.
Some words can instill shame. Some silences can, too. But some words …. ah! …. some words can breathe life to our spirits and bring death to our shame.
How I need the words I speak to be more like that.
“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.†Proverbs 25:11
An absolutely true and beautiful post. Thank you.
I can see why he likes it. Good post. And so true.
Thank you for that Tracey. And thanks to your significant other for digging it up.
I have issues with anger. Small things getting me more upset than they should. It’s really nice to have these reminders on how much my words and mood effect my children.
Thanks again.
Oh, and you are so right, Tracey – that silence can instill shame. When a simple word of love, acceptance, or ‘don’t worry about it’ would have wiped it all away. And I’ll tell ya – that shame from when you’re 5 or 6 lasts forever. I’ve done my best to try to get rid of it, and forgive, and let go … but some stuff just won’t go away. The silences in my house were what really GOT me.
for some reason, these words brought me to the brink of tears. very touching, tracey.
red — yes, the silences were loud in my home, too.
And, you know, thank you for the lovely comments, everyone.
Love this.
Tracy
They say imitation is highest form of flattery. Well, I have been sort of “flattering you.” I hope you don’t mind that I cut and pasted your post “the Tub” and sent it to some friends and family online. I know it was a personal post, but it spoke such a universal theme and demonstrated so beautifully how, like you said, potential shame can be to giving the other freedom and acceptance. At first I laughed at how cute it was. Then I cried when I thought of some of my own early experiences with feelings of shame and I wished that the elders around me and those around all children could learn from your sister.
Thanks, Tracy….your blog is just wonderful and so must you be.
Just to correct one of my sentences above, I meant to say that instead of instilling shame, an adult could just as easily say something to instead instill feelings of freedom and ACCEPTANCE.
Sherril
Sherril — Thank you! That is so lovely. I’m very touched.