My weekend communications — both oral and written — were weird and wild and awesome, frankly. At one point, three of us emailing each other at once, with 100 emails under one subject heading, I literally thought I was going to pass out or crack a rib from the howls of laughter tearing through my body.
A random smattering, no context:
Don’t touch that! It’s a load-bearing glove.
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I envy the retarded.
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I’m tired of listening to them pork with impunity.
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All right. I’m going to kill you now.
Okay.
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Fine. Just throw me out of the car like an alley mattress!
An alley mattress?
You heard me.
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It looks like we’re planning a political assassination. Like we’re the Unabomber or something.
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What is WRONG with me that I’m sad she didn’t comment on my ovulation remark?? I am SO INVESTED in her insanity.
Yeah, really. What, you don’t like me anymore? She hasn’t responded to me at all. I’m strangely insulted that she doesn’t take me seriously as a sexual threat.
I know, I want her to reply. Come on. Knock the kid off the teet and get crackin with the comebacks!
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She can just unroll one for each, like a long flesh carpet.
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Because …. well …. I thought you’d know, but … your breasts are very loud.
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Tingling in my fancy place and that is all I am sayin’.
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That is WAAAAAAAY more interesting than a pimply greasy D&D virgin tweaker nincompoop.
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We are now basically reminiscing about how we met.
hahahahaha
Guys? YOU HAVEN’T MET YET.
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But, on the upside, when your breasts fall off, perhaps you can bury them in the ground and a tree will grow and sprout delicious mammary-shaped fruit with nutritious milk inside.
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You are trying to get me to say “ovary†because you are part of the same sex cabal.
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That would be like me saying, “Because the root of the word ‘tree’ comes from the VULGAR Latin, I refuse to call a ‘tree’ a ‘tree’. I will now call it a ‘chipawkoo’.â€
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(Wait. I am still laughing at that last one. It is SO random. Hold please.)
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“Overt†is not a word.
(Said in complete sincerity.)
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My breasts are the feast for my son.
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Seriously, an embarrassment of riches this weekend. I am still laughing about it.
It was a total whirlwind. My head is still spinning. Now that I realize that I had yet ANOTHER email-chain going on with you-know-who – and I was shooting updates at you (the “GUYS YOU HAVEN’T MET YET” bit makes me laugh!!) – I honestly wonder at my own untapped levels of productivity.
Reading over this made me laugh all over again. We all just LOST IT.
You are trying to get me to say “ovary†because you are part of the same sex cabal.
I am dying.
All I need to do is quote Merriam Webster and I’ll be all set.
Let’s see if I can keep commenting, shall we??
At this accelerated rate, I could be married in the next 48 hours to a man I haven’t met yet (DETAILS, DETAILS) and yet I ALSO get to be part of “sex cabal”. And I find none of it surprising.
I love that it’s posted “without context”. It looks TRULY bizarre that way.
Sheila, stop trying to get me to say ovary. You are not proper. That line. It’s HYSTERICAL.
Maybe it’s like the little man in the claymation Fleet Foxes video — he’s messing with us, spinning time forward, out of control; we are doing a million things at once trying to match this new spin of the world. Slow it down, little bearded man! Help us! We cannot keep up!
But we did keep up! We kept multiple things going on for a good 24 hours – comments, email chains, you at one point were commenting on my site, responding to something on another site – using another name – as well as emailing back and forth about all that craziness in ONE chain, and then responding to my crazy emails about what’s going on with you-know-who in yet another chain. God, I so want to say his name (or at least your typo of his name) – but I must not!!
All of this going on with, as you said, “no cross-pollination”.
And you were able to keep that going for the entire weekend.
It’s rather amazing!
How is ovary not proper?? Also seriously, “overt” is a word. Don’t make me go all Merriam-Webster on you.
Hahahahahaha. I’m howling all over again. My body parts commenting — and you could see it in the side bar. Like, what, Trace??? And what did you say: “You are on a rampage.” Hahahahaha. I was SO frustrated with that person. Nothing can reach her. Reason, humor, dictionary definitions. NOTHING.
Oh, my typo of The Name. Hahaha. My fingers were just dead.
And, yes, I am still BUGGED that she will not embrace “overt” as an actual word.
I know – the sidebar was totally killing me. I missed that part, because I was deep in conversation with my future Husband, and when I went back over there and saw what had developed in the sidebar, I LOST IT.
(Also I love how MB basically just passed out from the psychological exhaustion of trying to keep up with it all.)
Laughing all over again!!!
“I envy the retarded.”
It’s fun to just go ballistic every once in a while.
And “I envy the retarded” wasn’t even ABOUT all this! Hahahaha.
Yes, poor MB. He passed out for a couple of hours and when he woke up, uhm, I was in the exact position, still clacking away on the computer. Truly, from his standpoint, “The Lost Weekend.”
Well, same as the “GUYS YOU HAVEN’T MET YET” hilarity – which has nothing to do with the OTHER situation but it all ended up getting woven together. So so funny.
Yes.
/We are now basically reminiscing about how we met./
I was like, “Of course you are, Sheila.” Um, naturally. Hahahahaha. SO funny. Everything colliding together this weekend was basically just indescribable.
“Oh, wasn’t it so funny when you said that and I felt that? What did you think was happening in that moment?”
“Pretty much the same thing, only different.”
Guys, so far, you haven’t SAID anything.
But it doesn’t matter, I tell you!!
“Pretty much the same thing, only different.â€
Hahahahahaha!
And when is Ovary Girl gonna get crackin’ with “The Rules”??? I need to see them.
Right, we were both like, “I FELT THE SAME WAY TOO. IT IS SO AMAZING HOW PERCEPTIVE YOU ARE.”
Calm down, everyone.
And Sheila, stop forwarding emails on to Tracey. It’s very bad form.
I wonder if she is furiously clacking away at her keyboard creating the Rules as we speak.
No, Sheila! Do NOT stop forwarding emails to Tracey. Bad form, schmad form.
Also …. I don’t think I can go on if she DOESN’T post The Rules. It would be like my parents telling 6-year-old me that we’re going to Disneyland and then, days later, finding out we’re not. SO disappointing.
Presto. Motorcycles?
Oh, no! Really? Wha??? Cannot deal.
Ok, I don’t know all the players, but I was 100% convinced that sheila was involved here even before her 1st comment. I adore y’all.
Dude, seriously, what has happened with your comments. I used to submit, leave and read the complete works of Shakespeare, and come back to see if my comment had posted yet. Now I don’t even have time to get the volume off the shelf. I’m loving the improvement.
sarahk — Hahahaha! Busted, Sheila. And, yeah, I haven’t done anything magical over here, so I don’t know why it’s better for you. Glad it is, though.
// leave and read the complete works of Shakespeare, and come back to see if my comment had posted yet. //
Sarahk, you crack me up.