“mawidge is a dweam ….

…. wiffin a dweam,” says The Impressive Clergyman in “The Princess Bride.”

Ah, yes. It’s a dweam, awwight.

In honor of last weekend’s nuptials of my blog buddies, WordGirl and Teflon from MoltenThought — and because they decided to take my suggestion to have a “Virtual Wedding Shower” — here are my “virtual” contributions to the happy couple, now honeymooning in Ireland. Perhaps you’ll sense a theme. AND sense that I know absolutely NOTHING about my theme. But I am stubbornly undaunted by my ignorance, which is a hallmark of the truly ignorant.

So here we go.

Well, lovebirds, start your day with a little bit ‘o’ this. Uh, don’t get up. Someone can bring it to you, I’m sure:

Along with that, goes this, of course:

And don’t worry. I learned years ago that that creepy leprechaun can’t really see you.

Later, you may find yourself wanting an energizing snack. These looked good to me:

Now, actually, I believe these have absolutely no potato in them at all. They are coconut creme and cinnamon and … well, one would ASSUME potato-free. But coconut has heaps of healing properties and cinnamon is some kind of antioxidant, so even though this is, well, candy, I’m sure it’s tremendously good for you. Let’s face it. Someone has to look after your health at a time like this. I’m sure you’re not.

Let’s see. I think I have another little snacky for you. Hang on. Okay! I think I got yer potatoes! They’re “crisps” of SOMETHING, so I’m guessing — POTATOES!

Have them with a wee bit ‘o’ this:

And don’t you worry your tired little heads. I’m buyin’. And apparently, sparing no expense. Holy Moly! Turns out, this stuff is tres expensive, with each bottle having its own serial number and whatnot. Wow. Such extravagance. I either really like you or have my own reasons for getting you drunk. Watch your pockets. My hands are small, but lightning fast.

Now, sightseeing can be SO exhausting, don’t you agree? And we all know how HOT it is over in Ireland, especially right now …. you know, this time of year and all, what with the humidity and “the heat, MY GOD, the HEAT!”

At least this is what I’ve always heard and what my public education taught me. I mean, am I wrong?

I imagine you’ll need a refreshing shower after a day of such enervating activities. So take your pick:

This is some kind of Irish Wool Fat Soap. I’m both repulsed by the name and mesmerized by little Fiona Bo-Peep and her perky bonnet and the cozy cottage on the hillside. But don’t let Fair Fiona’s loving hand on the wee woolly lamb fool you. Oh, no. Because after she’s done stealing his wool fat and making a batch of pretty, fatty soap, you can bet she’s gonna be making a big ol’ pot ‘o’ this.

Yummy! Have it with a pint of this:

Wait. Sorry. I forgot. The other refreshing soap. Well, there’s always a classic:

You just might be needing an icy blast about now. 😉

Now, how about a movie starring that great Irish actor, Peter O’Toole:

I’m inordinately fond of “Lawrence of Arabia,” “Lion in Winter,” and “My Favorite Year.” Just some ideas for when you’re tired of sightseeing.

Or maybe you’re not tired.

Now, let’s not forget the great Irish actresses. For instance, who doesn’t love that Rosie O’Donnell:

Really, what to say except that I’m inordinately grateful that she quit her show and got her face OUTTA MINE and never sullied a Peter O’Toole movie by being IN a Peter O’Toole movie.

Then I thought this was rather nice and might remind you of The One who knits you together:

And finally, you lovebirds, this traditional Irish blessing, from me to you:

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
May the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
May the Lord hold you in the palm of His hand.

Oh, wait. This guy wants in on it, too:

Well, seems it’s not an event until Lord of the Pants shows up. So sorry. He insisted. Don’t worry. I kicked him hard in the groin with my own freakishly fast feet, so they’ll be no Flatley Foot Flailing at THIS wedding.

Whew.

CONGRATULATIONS AND MUCH HAPPINESS TO YOU BOTH!