sudoku

My Beloved was immersed in a work project this weekend. I thought I’d pine away, but unfortunately, I stumbled upon something vexing to occupy a little too much of my time.

This is Sudoku:

Some of you may already know of it. It’s really just a wretched little puzzle game using wretched little NUMBERS, but it has now become my White Whale and what Ahab felt of THAT beast, I now feel about mine:

All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Ahab, where visibly personified, and made practically assailable in Moby Dick.

Or Sudoku.

The rules are maddeningly simple: Enter the numbers from 1 to 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each number. So must every column, as must every 3×3 square. THERE MUST BE NO DUPLICATES. Got it? ‘Course you do.

Some of you might be saying, “So? So what? What’s the big deal? S’easy.”

Well, that’s all very nice for you, but I wish you smartypants would please go away and leave us dummypants to drool alone in our OWN DUMB PANTS.

You see, for someone like me who breaks into a sweat at the sight of numbers and whimpers at the mere thought of math, this is a challenge. Any gifts I have … lie elsewhere. So why do it? Well, for that very reason — because I think there’s a part of my brain that just limps along, or worse, gets dragged along by the stronger parts of my brain, or worse, has been viciously rubbed out, leaving only a faded chalk outline of a once decent chunk of brain. Whatever the problem, that chunk needs help … if it’s not too late.

Actually, there’s no math involved, thank God. Rather, the game involves logic — but logic WITH NUMBERS, and therein lies the rub, you see.

And don’t you even tell me that I’m a “geek,” because I imagine a genuine “geek” could do these with ease.

And don’t you even tell me you “did it in 5 minutes.” Even if it’s true.

Better yet, just DON’T do it in 5 minutes.

So if you’d like to try one, go here and play for free.