In the Championship Match today ……
Faramir
eschewing the sword and, uh, killing, bonked unconscious with a quarterstaff …..
Jane Eyre
In a vicious, VICIOUS match between sisters, Faramir, who looked unsteady in the early stages, ultimately stood victorious next to his pouting and — I’m sorry — blatantly bitchy sister, Jane Eyre. The entire match was an unrelenting full frontal assault by both sisters prompting one spectator to cry out in a sublime moment of enthusiastic neutrality, “COME ON, WILLIAMS!!” (That’s the girls’ surname, of course: Faramir and Jane Eyre Williams; um, didn’t you know?) With such palpable intensity to the play, this lazy newsgirl couldn’t help but wonder what deep-seated issues they were trying to blast through out on that court. Kinda scary, really. At one pivotal point, younger sister Jane threw her racket to the ground in a tantrum of self-disgust. She is no bird, you know, but a free human being with an independent will. Yes, clearly, Jane Eyre; we are all very impressed. Thank God Mr. Rochester is blind. I’m just saying, is all. From there she seemed to spiral down and Faramir, sensing weakness, took advantage and turned the tide of the match, later delivering a record 129-mph serve. Pretty amazing with a quarterstaff, no?
After the match, a sulking Jane Eyre — clearly possessed by the devil, so different was her personality — glowered and snarked, when a reporter commented she didn’t seem pleased or she seemed upset (honestly, this reporter couldn’t hear the question exactly), “Oh, I wonder WHY.”
Uhm, okay. Please lighten up, Jane Eyre. Good Lord.
But ….. CONGRATULATIONS, FARAMIR, Champion of The 2008 Best Thing Ever England!
You win The Cup (and various sundries)!
Contact the game mistress with your information.
And a huge THANK YOU to all tournament players for all the merciless smack and sore losing and enthusiastic death threats, etc.! You definitely made it a Best Thing Ever to remember!
WELL PLAYED, ALL!!
This was worse than my interrupted wedding. Excuse me while I weep into my cambric handkerchief. ::sobbing::
I agree — that was seriously fun! Can’t wait ’til next year.
Sorry, Jane, dear. 🙁
Congrats, FairyMere! 🙂
Hahaha! Much worse. Off to the moors with you.
This certainly went better than the battle of Ithilien. This is a good start to the Fourth Age. White Cheddar Cheez-Its for everyone!
Congrats, Faramir (you murderer) and good game, Jane (hopefully you’ll take it O.K. and not have to be locked in the attic).
It was so much fun, T. 🙂
Well, there’ll be no living with him/her now.
Good luck with that, Eowyn.
I would have taken down Farabore had I not been fake-kill’d with the fake sword of Gryffindor in the first round.
Well done, Fairy. The Felix Felicis you stole from my locker helped you, I’m sure. Illegal as it is, I applaud your courage and audacity. Jane, man up and stop being such a crybaby, or I shall force feed you a Draught of Living Death.
Full moon tonight, chaps. Wolfsbane Potion for everyone!
Laters!
Tracey, this is the best blog game ever! See you at the US Open!