I stumbled across some old journals the other day. I kept them during the worst of our infertility struggles and then put them somewhere out of reach and out of sight. But when I found them the other day, I thought I might look at them; I thought I might be strong enough to read, to revisit those days. Ah, well …..
I did find an entry about my sweet nephews, though. This is from 7 years ago, so they would have been about 6 and 3 at the time. I still remember how faithfully they prayed for MB and me. Every night, they would cajole God to give us a baby. Sometimes, they would try to convince God, telling Him how much they loved us, so surely a little baby would, too. Sometimes, they would try to bargain with God, promising to be good and play with the baby. And sometimes, they would lose their little man tempers with God, crying, “WHY won’t you answer us, God?”
Oh, those precious, GOOD boys! I will never get over how fiercely they pounded the gates of heaven on our behalf. I will never get over not knowing how to answer their questions about God. I will never get over how Elder Nephew railed at God one night, saying, “You KNOW what we want! I AM SO FRUSTRATED WITH YOU, GOD!!” But how can you explain God’s sovereignty to little boys when you can’t understand it, even as an adult? They were so sure and so persistent and so full of faith. Their childlike hearts were more hardy than mine.
Anyway, the entry. It’s short:
Yesterday, I went up to (sister’s) house and Younger Nephew ran up to me, so excited, and said, “Tayhee! Tayhee! We’re praying for you to have a baby dirl (girl)!”
Elder Nephew was instantly upset and cried out, “No! You’re not supposed to tell! That was gonna be their Christmas present!!”
Utterly frustrated with his younger brother and near tears, he raced out of the room.
Suddenly, I pictured them lying in their beds at night, whispering to each other, planning plans for us, planning plans for God, in all their certainty and innocence, and I felt sure I would burst from the goodness and completeness of their love for us.
Whoever heard of such boys?
Isaiah 11
The Branch From Jesse
1 A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
2 The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him —the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD –
3 and he will delight in the fear of the LORD. He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes, or decide by what he hears with his ears;
4 but with righteousness he will judge the needy, with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth. He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth; with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked.
5 Righteousness will be his belt and faithfulness the sash around his waist.
6 The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together;
*and a little child will lead them*.”
Sorry, I’m a little fragmented this morning. What I meant to add in the tag was that most kids amaze and humble me with their faith, too. Entering the Kingdom “as a little child” escapes me more times than not.
And by the by, what does one do when children “pound the gates of heaven” and still get no response? I would be afraid to tell them something along the lines of, “Well, honey, sometimes God just doesn’t give you what you pray for. We don’t know why… He just doesn’t.” I’d be afraid that would crush a child. But at the same time, it’s a reality adults have to wrestle with everyday. How does one appraoch that?
Any advice?
It is hard when children don’t get what they pray for to know how to explain it, and you’re right, it’s hard to understand even as adults. Especially when we can see no good reason for not getting what we’ve asked for. Jesus said if we asked we would receive, right?
Like other times when I’m trying to understand God I relate to him as a parent. Sometimes I let my children have chocolate, but never before bed because then they don’t sleep well. My older kids completely understand my reasoning, but my 2 year old gets so frustrated when she sees that chocolate bar on the kitchen counter, she knows she had a taste of it earlier (and it was GOOD!), yet now I’m telling her no, and I can’t even begin to make her understand why.
I imagine we are not unlike my 2 year old. God sees it all and knows what is going to be best for us in the long run even when we can’t possibly understand his reasoning. Of course, telling someone, “God knows best.” when they are hurting because of a prayer that seems unanswered doesn’t quite cut it, does it? We all have to learn to trust him in our own time. I’m still working on that myself.
WordGirl – great question!
With my 4(!) little boys, this hasn’t come up with quite the intensity of Tracey’s situation, but my 7-year old gets the basic concept, and asks questions.
How I would put it them (him), would be to couch it in terms and situations they already know and understand. In this case, what happens when they ask mommy and daddy for something? Sometimes they get it, sometimes they don’t, based on what we decide is best for them. When we say no to something, they may not like it, they may even be angry/bitter/disappointed, but they need to know that we are looking at things from a perspective, and with consideration of issues that they don’t (yet).
For example: they may see a Great Dane puppy, and want one/beg for one/ plead for one, but we would say no to that request, because we not only see the immediate joy, but also the long term responsibility and repercussions, and decide that any dog-let alone a Great Dane-would be wrong for us now (btw, this is not just a hypothetical for us – our guys really want a dog, but we are waiting until our youngest is at least a year old).
So, it’s not a matter of us being mean, unfair, or uncaring – it’s just that our view of what is best takes a lot more into account than what they can comprehend – often even after we explain it to them.
So, just like mom and dad may say no to something that they really want, because we have their best interest in mind, so God does that to us all – with our best interest in mind, even when it makes absolutely no sense to us here and now.
We have to trust.
Even when it stinks.
Jennifer,
When I was writing my response, yours wasn’t up yet!
Great minds think alike, eh?
This is gonna’ sound… well, I don’t know how it’s going to sound — but I’ve still gotta’ ask. All this talk about God knows best, He knows what we need…
*How do I ask this without getting overly emotional?*
Please understand, I know what you both mean and I truly appreciate your advice, it’s great. I’m gonna’ need it with my niece and (hopefully) my own children. But in situations that are… heavier…
I understand why a one year-old can’t have a dog and why a two-year-old can’t have chocolate before bed but… Why can’t someone who would be a perfect Mom have kids?
I know that part of the purpose of suffering is to “share our infirmities” and comfort others with the same afflictions through our experiences… I know we only “see through a glass darkly”… but… It doesn’t get down to the root question. How is such a heart shattering pain reconciled with love and grace and “giving us our heart’s desire”?
Sorry, I guess I should be asking God that, huh?
WG- more good points.
The amount of suffering and pain in this world can take your breath away. I approach this in a couple of interrelated ways.
Before I go into that, though, I feel I should mention that temperament/outlook/genetic coding/whatever seems to be a part of this as well – I just always have been able to trust God pretty well (not perfectly by any stretch, but pretty well), so I just naturally view things from a perspective that insists that God has His reasons, and someday (maybe not ’til heaven) it will all make sense. My wife does not have this “gift”, and stuggles mightily with these issues. I am sure upbringing has a big part in it too – I was raised in a family that always found the flower in the manure pile, so to speak.
Anyways, here is my further ruminations: First, we live in a fallen world, full of evil. Bad things have, do, and always will happen. Our bodies fail us. The whole earth groans, waiting for the day of redemption. Cancer, car crashes, and alienation are a daily (hourly) occurence. In view of this, of course bad things happen to good people (we could all list our most recent personal example here).
My personal “worst case scenario” happened in 1989, as I watched my bright, shining mom die of ovarian cancer. Prayers for her healing were fervent and numerous, and unheeded.
Part two of my view is that in the midst of all this, God is redeeming. I call it pulling gold out of the ashes of our lives. In the aftermath of the death of my mom, my dad and I have become much, much closer – a blessing, to be sure.
Now, was it worth it? Losing my mom to get closer to my dad? Of course not! But, that wasn’t the choice – not either/or – only “what are you gonna do now”?
I don’t see the “why” questions being answered in real-time very often, only sometimes in hindsight. When I get to heaven, if given the chance, I will ask the “whys” with regards to my mom. I would love to hear the answer – what an insight into the mind of God!
I hope this makes sense, and maybe helps. This could be an ongoing dialogue all it’s own.
Thanks, Steve.
I’m glad you posted this, Tracey. It’s something I’ve been struggling with since my Mom died of ovarian cancer in 2004. Prof. Steve knows all too well what that’s like. Anyway, we all prayed and begged for her to get better but it did not happen, and for a long time, I was angry with God (and I admit I still am some days). Why do some people get cancer and then get better (at least for a few years), but my Mom only lived 15 months after diagnosis? I have 2 little nephews ages 7 and 4 who have asked me this question too and I’ve had no idea how to respond. I mainly say that it was Granny’s time to go or that God called her to Heaven, but I have a hard time with that because I’m not sure I believe it myself. It’s very hard…
On the other hand, death IS a part of life and life was never promised to be fair, so I feel it’s best to grieve and then move on and live the best life I can, even though my parents are no longer here (my Dad died in 1989). What else can I do?
Well said, Steve. Also with regards to suffering and loss we can’t always see the ripples sent out by a tragedy that we may have endured. We can’t know what path we have avoided by being forced to take a detour because of an unforseen loss in our lives. We don’t always know who else is being affected by our suffering or what purpose that suffering may serve not only in our own lives but in the lives of others. In some cases the entire world is touched by the suffering or death of just one person. And yes, sometimes in hindsight we are blessed to see how everything really did work out for the best, but in some cases we may just have to wait until we’re in heaven to fully understand the whys, just like Steve said.
Oh, Tracey! My eyes are leaking all over my keyboard!
I do NOT understand…why fertile Myrtle can conceive unloved, unwanted children…and make the decision to either abort or hand them over to perfect strangers without batting an eye, while there are good-hearted, loving couples with full hearts who would CHERISH a little one, but go for years unable to conceive/carry one to term. I am with those little boys when they say “GOD, YOU KNOW WHAT WE WANT!…WHY WON’T YOU GIVE IT TO US?”
Bless their hearts…may God give them the desires of their hearts…and yours!
Thank you, Lyn. On so many levels.