i have to comment on american idol …

… because it was Andrew Lloyd Webber night. BIG musical theater songs. (Yee-owch.) The show’s long over now, so I’m commenting from memory.

First, I have to say that I think Lord Webber was one of the best, most instructive mentors the show has ever had. I thought he was charming, but, you know, he didn’t coddle them. He was blunt. He talked people out of songs and into better ones. He worked with them on the story of the songs — made them get it, feel it. Thank God for that.

~ Syesha: No surprise she did great with “One Rock & Roll Too Many” from Starlight Express. She’s a theater girl. A Broadway girl. “A working actress” which she will tell you any time you talk to her, apparently. She won’t win this competition, but she might have done that career — the career she could have — a big favor with that one.

~ Jason: He chose “Memories” from Cats. A song I loathe. A show I loathe. Let’s please leave it at that. He got spanked across the board by the judges, but I have to say I found it oddly refreshing to hear that song sung by a man. A man with Jason’s kind of voice, no less. His ethereal warble. Granted, he doesn’t have the breath support for those lower notes — those were all over the place — but he’s unique. He’s himself. No confusing what he did with Betty Buckley’s Grizabella. THANK GOD. I liked it because it wasn’t that.

~ Brooke: Okay. Love her. She’s warm, genuine. She doesn’t have the strongest voice — she’s not a belter; she’s more of a Carole King type — but she is so darn lovable. I really wanted to talk about her because something happened with her last night. She chose “You Must Love Me” from the movie version of Evita. Near the very beginning of the song — about a dozen notes or so into it — she forgot the lyrics, stopped, and asked if she could start again. She did, but she was a bit of a deer in the headlights for the rest of the song. During comments, Poorla, of all people, really came down on her for stopping and starting. “You must never stop and start over,” she said. Simon stood up for her. “I thought it was brave.” I look at it this way: She was barely into the song. This is her moment. She’s competing to win this. She’s only human. I think she was right to stop there, try to get her bearings, and start again. Which would be worse: “La-la-la-ing” through several notes of music until you find the words again or stopping right there and starting over, fresh, sorta? Unfortunately, you could tell how distracted she was by what happened because the rest of the song — I don’t know — it was like she was singing under a blanket or something. But I defend her choice to start over. At that point. I think I’d feel differently if she were farther into the song, though — to be totally wishy-washy about it here. No. Seriously. If she were farther into the song — halfway through the song or something — and that happened; then improvise, make it work, somehow. Years ago, at an audition, I forgot the lyrics to my song about halfway through. This had never happened to me before and it never happened again. Just nerves. Whatever. But on the spot I improvised some lyrics and moved on. They fit the song okay, but anyone familiar with the song watching the audition certainly knew I’d just messed up and covered it. However well or not. My point here is something — what was it? Yes. It’s that I think at some point the performer passes the point of no return as I had in my audition. At that point, you must make it work somehow. But right at the start, virtually, as Brooke was? I give her some wiggle room on that. And maybe American Idol needs to coach contestants about this. I’ve never seen it happen before, but it might be good for the show to set some guidelines. Give some tips. Coach them how to manage the panic that inevitably happens when you find yourself in that spot. There’s the time factor for the show as well. The show is an hour long. (Mostly.) You can’t have someone screw up one minute into a song and decide to start over completely. Just the time factor doesn’t allow it. Anyhoo. Just my thoughts. I really thought Poorla — with her long painful pause and her “You must never stop and start over” was unnecessarily harsh. Didn’t take enough meds, I guess.

~ David: “Think of Me” from Phantom of the Opera. Little David. What can you say about him? He’s annoying. So earnest and well-meaning. A sappy automaton. He cares about every performance being so meaningful. About plucking at my heartstrings. And my heartstrings totally rebel against it. This song is probably the only one I actually like from Phantom and it’s sung by a diva — a diva with gorgeous soprano voice. I hated how he “popped” it up, sounded like a boy-band boy. Ish. Blech. Randy said, “You’re the guy to beat.” And Simon, thank God, said, “Forgettable.” Yep. Although, I do think Little David is the one to beat. Unfortunately. It’s the tweeners, those wieners.

~ Carly: “Jesus Christ Superstar.” There’s something too needy about Carly. She wants it too much. She has an amazing voice, yes, but she can’t ever seem to relax and realize that moment that someone with a voice like hers should have. That transcendent moment. This was probably the best she’s done, but still. She’s just trying too hard. It makes me uncomfortable. And she needs to dress better. And part her hair on the side. And stop scrunching up her face when she sings so that all her features collapse into a column of brackets or parentheses. That’s all I see when she sings. Upside-down punctuation. I’m sure this makes no sense. Whatevs. Turn this sideways and you’ll see what I mean: (((((( Hey, they got after Clay Aiken for his weird facial tics — why not Carly’s bracket-face?

~ Other David: “Music of the Night.” Simon said it best: “You made the best of the song.” Not his style. Not his thang. Still, my prediction? Final two are David and David. Yup. Mark it down, pippa.

Uhm, you can probably tell I mostly wanted to talk about the Brooke thing. Why didn’t I just do that? Well, because you would have missed my searing bracket-face insight.

All right. There you have it.