william goldman: “misery,” part 1

So let’s talk William Goldman, one of my big crush men. Or rather, let’s let him talk. I’m rereading Which Lie Did I Tell? Goldman’s book about his career, writing, Hollywood, gossip, his insecurities, etc., and whenever I reread it — which is frequently — I love it even more than the last time I read it. It’s a follow-up to Adventures in the Screen Trade, his first book on the same subject matter, also great. I just love Goldman’s voice. The way he just chats with you, lays it all out there, like you’re just sitting over a cup of coffee with him. He has a cut-to-the-chase way of writing these stories. Plus, he’s funny. And he’s funny about himself, which is always endearing to me. In the opening chapters, he talks about how some of his screenplays became movies and I’m going to be posting one of those chapters here, in several parts — the chapter on Misery. If you’re familiar with Misery, either through the book or the movie or both, I think you’ll enjoy this.

I’ll be quoting him exactly, using whatever language he uses, so if you’re likely to be offended by his swearing, then this is your chance to click away. Also, if you haven’t ever seen Misery, but might like to someday, click away. A really big spoiler coming up.

Okay. Think I’ve covered all the bases.

Begin the chapter on Misery!

Misery came about like this.

I got a call from Rob Reiner saying he was interested in this book by Stephen King and would I read it. He became interested when Andy Scheinman, Reiner’s producer, read it on a plane and wondered who owned the movie rights. The book had been in print for a while, was a number-one best-selling novel, standard for King.

They found out it hadn’t been sold — not for any lack of offers but because King wouldn’t sell it. He had disliked most of the movies made from his work and didn’t want this one, perhaps his favorite, Hollywooded up. Reiner called him and they talked. Now, one of the movies made from his fiction that King did like was Stand By Me, which Reiner directed. The conversation ended with King saying sure, he would sell it, but he would have to be paid a lot of money and that Reiner would have to either produce or direct it.

Reiner, who had no intention of directing, agreed. He would produce. He called me. I read Misery. I had read enough of King to know this: of all the phee-noms that have appeared in the past decades, King is the stylist. If he ever chooses to leave the world that has made him the most successful writer in memory, he won’t break a sweat. The man can write anything, he is that gifted.

Misery is about a famous author who has a terrible car crash during a blizzard, is rescued by a nurse. Who turns out to be his number-one fan. Who also turns out to be very crazy. And who keeps him prisoner in her out-of-the-way Colorado home. It all ends badly for them (worse for her). I was having a fine old time reading it. I’m a novelist, too, so I identified with Paul Sheldon, who was not just trapped with a nut, but also trapped by his own fear of losing success. And Annie Wilkes, the nurse/warden, is one of King’s best creations.

When I do an adaptation, I have to be kicked by the source material. One of the ways I work is to read that material again and again. So if I don’t like it a lot going in, that becomes too awful. I wasn’t sure halfway through if I would write the movie, but I was enjoying the hell out of the novel.

Then on page 191 the hobbling scene began.

Paul Sheldon has managed to get out of the bedroom in his wheelchair, and he gets back in time to fool Annie Wilkes. This is more than a little important to him, because Annie is not the kind of lady you want real mad at you.

Except, secretly, she does know, and in the next fifteen pages, takes action.

I remember thinking, What in the world will she do? Annie has a volcanic temper. What’s in her head? She talks to Paul about his behavior and then she eventually works her way around to the Kimberly diamonds mines and asks him how he thinks they treat workers there who steal the merchandise. Paul says, I don’t know, kill them, I suppose. And Annie says, Oh, no, they hobble them.

And then, all for the need of love, she takes a propane torch and an ax and cuts his feet off, says, “Now you’re hobbled,” when the deed is done.

I could not fucking believe it.

I mean, I knew she wasn’t going to tickle him with a peacock feather, but I never dreamt such behavior was possible. And I knew I had to write the movie. That scene would linger in the audiences’ memories, as I knew it would linger in mine.

The next half year or so is taken up with various versions, and I work with Reiner and Scheinman, the best producer I have ever known for script. We finally have a version they okay and we go director hunting. Our first choice is George Roy Hill, and he says yesss. Nirvana.

Then Hill calls and says he is changing his mind. We all meet. And Hill, who has never in his life done anything like this, explains. “I was up all night. And I just could not hear myself saying ‘Action’ on that scene. I just haven’t got the sensibility to do that scene.”

“What scene?” (I am in agony — I desperately want him to do it. He is tough, acerbic, brilliant, snarly, passionate.)

“The lopping scene.”

What madness is this? What lopping scene?

“The scene where she lops his feet off.”

“George, how can you be so wrong?” (After Butch Cassidy and Waldo Pepper, we have been through a lot together. The only way to survive with George is to give him shit right back.) “That is not a lopping scene, that is a hobbling scene. And it is great and it is the reason I took this movie and she only does it out of love.”

“Goldman, she lops his fucking feet off. And I can’t direct that.”

“It is the best scene in the movie when she hobbles him. It’s a character scene, for God’s sake.”

He would not budge. And, of course, since it was the most important scene and the best scene, it had to stay. A sad, sad farewell. We were about to send the script to Barry Levinson when Rob said, “To hell with it, I’ll direct it myself.”

And so the lopping-scene poll came into my life.

Because Hill has a brilliant movie mind and you must pay attention. Rob had no problem directing the scene. But what if George was right? I, of course, scoffed — the hobbling scene was a character scene, unlike anything yet filmed, and it was great and it was the reason I took the picture and it had to stay.

Still, we asked people. A poll was taken at Castle Rock, informally, on anyone who had read the script. “And what did you think of the lopping scene?” Rob would keep me abreast in New York. “A good day for the hobblers today, three secretaries said leave it alone.” That wasn’t exactly verbatim, but you get the idea.

Enter Warren Beatty. Beatty understands the workings of the town better than anyone. He has been a force for forty years, has been in an amazing number of flops, and whenever his career seems a tad shaky, he produces a wonderful movie or directs a wonderful movie and is safe for another half decade.

Beatty was interested in playing Paul. Rob and Andy met with him a lot and I spent a day there when the lopping scene came up. Beatty’s point was this: he had no trouble losing his feet at the ankles, but know that if you did that the guy would be crippled for life and would be a loser.

I said nonsense …. it was a great scene … a character scene …. was the reason I took the movie … Beatty waffled, casting continued. As did the lopping queries. I went on vacation as we were about to start, and while I was gone, Rob and Andy wanted to take a final pass at the script. I was delighted. They wanted it shorter, tighter, tauter, and are expert editors. When I got back, I read what they had done.

It was shorter, tighter, tauter —

— only the lopping scene was gone, replaced by what you saw in the movie — she breaks his ankles with a sledgehammer.

I scrreeamed. I got on the phone with Rob and Andy and told them they had ruined the picture, that it was a great and memorable scene they had changed, it was the reason I had taken the job. I was incoherent (they are friends, they expect that) but I made my point. They just wouldn’t buy it. The lopping scene was gone now, forever replaced by the ankle-breaking scene. I hated it but there it was.

I am a wise and experienced hand at this stuff and I know when I am right.

And you know what?

I was wrong. It became instantly clear when we screened the movie. What they had done — it was exactly the same scene except for the punishment act — worked wonderfully and was absolutely horrific enough. If we had gone the way I wanted, it would have been too much. The audience would have hated Annie, and, in time, hated us.

If I had been in charge, Misery would have been this film you might have heard of but never have gone to see. Because people who had seen it would have told you to ride clear. What makes a movie a hit is not the star and not the advertising but the word of mouth. So in the movie business, as in real life, we all need all the help we can get. And we need it every step of the way.

Next up, Part 2: Casting Kathy Bates.