someone has a new baby!

It’s black and Korean and beautiful.

Congratulations to Sheila, on her new Hyundai Accent!!!

And, you know, when your friend has a new baby, well, you wanna help her out, make sure she’s stocked up with stuff she needs, right? So to that end — and just to celebrate the new addition to her family — I madly cyber-shopped and found a few little items for Sheila, the new car-mom.

So here we go:

Because nothing says, “Hey, my car don’t stink” like those classic de-stenchifying pine trees. I mean, what if she goes clamming and gets all exhausted and throws the clam bucket all willy-nilly into the back seat of her new black Korean baby? Shiver me nostrils! Piney to the rescue! They have new smells now, too, like lavender, vanilla, lemon blossom, anti-clam, etc. NEAT!!

Because nothing says relaxation like hard wooden nuggets smushing into your tired tender back muscles. Guantanamo approved! Oh, and the beads stuff nicely into the mouths of any of your more youthful passengers — the perfect plug for that looming tantrum. NEAT!!

Because nothing says “I am a diehard, but classy, fan” like giant fuzzy MLB dice. hanging from your brand-new rearview. NEAT!!

Because nothing says, “I would never upset Tracey and go to Starbucks” like a nifty, non-Starbucks travel mug. They come in assorted colors — Passion and Seaglass and Midnight, to name just a few — and there are things like science and thermodynamics and patents involved! A mug for everyone that no one understands! NEAT!!

And, finally, nothing says, “Make voyages! Attempt them! There’s nothing else …” like your own, custom-made bumper sticker that says, uhhmm, “Make voyages! Attempt them! There’s nothing else …” NEAT!!

SO CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN, SHEILA!!

And DRIVE, BABY, DRIVE!!