a book report on “the jane austen book club”

Uhm, ssnnnnnore. I was on the same page for days because I kept dozing off and snorting myself awake. But I will say that the book does serve a larger purpose: Reminding you with every turn of the page that there are much better books you could be reading.

Annnnd …. scene.

Hey, I said it was a book report. Not a book review. All my book reports were like this. Deal.

Oh, and, you know, maybe the movie will be better. They made most of the characters 10 years younger because you simply cannot be 40 or 50 or 60 in a movie — or in life, for that matter — and be IN LOVE! Everyone knows that this is gross. I’m sure Jane Austen would think so, too. I mean, come on. We all know that she died because she hit her forties, realized she was gross, and succumbed to her abject grossness.

So.

I think I’ve hit the high points here. The salient points. I’m pleased with it.

A big boo-bye to that book.

Oh, update. When I got my report back from the teacher, Miss Standifer, she had scribbled ALL over it in green pen:

Needs more details. Basic plot points, for instance? Themes? Names of characters, even? Tracey, did you even read this book or just the book jacket? And what does the movie have to do with it? Or Jane Austen’s tragic death? Additionally, I’m not sure I understand your use of the word “deal.” Is it functioning as a noun or a verb? It’s unclear. And may I say, speaking for the older woman, I do not think we are “gross.” Frankly, I’m disappointed. You’re capable of a better effort. But with the exceptions of “Annnnd,” “ssnnnnnore,” and “boo-bye” — which isn’t even a word — you spelled the remaining words correctly, which is more than I can say for the rest of the class, so I’m giving you a C+.

Whatevs, Miss Standifer, my 6th grade nemesis. I never liked you.