Tonight, in late court action …….
*NSYNC (Justine Henin BEL)
WELL, PRETTY MUCH TRASH-TALKED POOR
Old Glory (Serena Williams USA)
TO DEAAAATH!!
Later in the locker room, Old Glory had been so thrashed, trashed, and “yo!-yo!-yo!”-ed that her blazing glory had faded to various shades of mealy gray and she had blown a ragged hole in her starry bloomers. Seamstresses summoned to patch the embarrassing tear in Old Glory’s unders were heard randomly whispering “oh, say can you seeeeeeee??” and “land of the freeeeeeee!!” and then dissolving into off-key hums and shrieking giggles. Which is just really immature, you know, I think.
Sorry, Old Glory, about your loserhood and your unders and all. And that you lost to a boy band that probably doesn’t know all the lyrics to your famous song.
It’s just a real shame.
Anyhoo …. wave Boo-Bye, everyone!!
Oh, I think after Valley Forge, Fort Sumpter, and Iwo Jima, I’ll survive a Boy Band.
I depart, jauntily whistling the piccolo solo from this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARfJaPQJV1Y
For the record, we have to know the lyrics to the Star-Spangled Batter, because we sang it before baseball games now and then. It’s about baseball players and their clothing. Duh.
We waited and waited for Old Glory to show up at the press conference and give her Boo-Bye Speech. We suspected it would go something like, “No. I can’t… I’m fit. I can run for hours. I’m a flag on the wind… *NSYNC had some lucky hits, since they’re the number one boy band in the world right now. Luck luck luck. And I made some errors, like giving Massachusetts a star on me… You guys watched it, I didn’t. Why don’t YOUUUU analyze the match. I’m only giving a Boo-Bye speech so I don’t get fined.”
To which our response would have been, “Oh wah. HIT IT!
“It’s tearin’ up my heart list’nin’ to you
I know that it must smart when I beat youuuuu
And no matter what you do, I rule this gaaaaame
Just admit it’s true!”
We still await Old Glory’s response.
Yes, I have to say — even as the impartial game mistress — that I was quite dismayed by Old Glory’s hissy fit after the match. Really. I mean, REALLY. I know there was a hole in her bloomers and all — as reported exclusively here — but clearly, something bad flew into the hole and lodged itself far FAR up her bum.
Oh, it’s been lodged there for quite some time. Any time she loses, she practically loses all will to live and is ugly in the post-match press-conferences. If she’s winning, she’s the happiest woman ever, but if she loses, it’s like everyone in the stadium has personally stepped on and squashed her puppy to death, and her losing is all their fault.
Old Glorrrrry… No one survives *NSYNC!
sarahk — I love how you’re commenting AS *nsync! Also, yes, Old Glory’s bum lodger. I’ve been aware of this for awhile too. I want to spank her. Spank her like my parents spanked me: Get the fly swatter, pull down the unders, and get a nice flick of the wrist going. It stings bad AND takes care of flies. Painful AND practical.
You know – I’d expect five guys to dominate a women’s singles tournament. There’s like five of them at once.
Just wait until the end. You all have to split the prize money equally. No shorting AJ or Joey.
I’m sorry, did you say something?
You’ll have to forgive me- I’m a little busy here, waving over the land of the free and the home of the brave, being pledged allegiance to, you know.
But I thought I heard a faint, manufactured buzzing somewhere…
tracey, thank you. It felt like the right thing to do. And yes about Old Glory’s bum lodger. You know what also works great? Those little paddles that have rubber balls attached by an elastic string. Take off the ball and string, and WHAMMO! Ooh, also my grama used to have me go pick my own switch off one of the big trees in the backyard. I learned early: never pick switches that are green on the inside. That’s new wood, and new wood hurts like the dickens.
Ahem, Nightfly, is it? There is no AJ in *NSYNC. The Backseat Toys have an AJ. And they aren’t nearly as good as we are. And Joey would never get shorted. He’s teh awesome.
Um, Miss Glory? No manufacturing in our faint buzzing, thank you very much. Move along now. But we’ll leave you with these parting words:
We pledge allegiance to the old hag
Of the United States Tennis Open thingy
And to the bad tennis for which she stands
Unforced errors
The crowd applaud
Undenyable
We steamrolled thee
Good riddance, go bawl.
[sarahk’s apologies to the real Old Glory. she loves her deeply.]
nsync is killllling me!!
And Old Glory’s busy-ness “being pledged allegiance to, you know”
Hahahahahahahahah!
I never knew tennis was such a trash-talking, spanking-filled sport. . . but it’s a riot!!!
[jaw agape] Dang, y’all…