Okay. Here we go!!
Today at Wimbledon …..
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE (Thomas Berdych, CZE)
OUTED THE DAMNED SPOT OF
TYPHOO INSTANT WHITE TEA (Jonas Bjorkman, SWE)
Later, in the locker room, Mr. Shakespeare, unasked, autographed his codpiece and offered it to the newest chick reporter, who said, “Uhm, ew,” and tried to distract the eerily energetic loser by asking for comment on the match. Mr. Shakespeare just stared at the girl and declared, “See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!”
The reporter, confused, said nothing.
Mr. Shakespeare continued to leer at the girl, all the while claiming to be “not stepping o’er the bounds of modesty” and such. As he stood there, not dressing, the intrepid chick reporter just stared at the floor and said, “Uhm …. this is getting a little weird …. so, uhm … good luck in the next round and all.” Mr. Shakespeare just grunted and slipped on his black satin lounge pants. The girl rushed from the room and Mr. Shakespeare called after her, “Get thee to a nunnery! And take mine codpiece with thee!”
In other action …..
THOMAS MORE (Marcos Baghdatis, CYP)
BEHEADED
MARGARET THATCHER (Nikolay Davydenko, RUS)
Which is just rude. Miss Thatcher’s head could not be reached for comment. Mr. More was last seen with a doctor frantically dressing an old neck wound that had unfortunately reopened during the strenuous match. The doctor, a small, efficient Korean gentleman, smiled and waved to cameras, calling reassuringly, “Mr. More be fine! He be FINNNE!”
ALSO ….
THE MAGNA CARTA (Novak Djokovic, SRB)
EXTREMELY LIMITED THE POWER OF ….
THE BOOK OF COMMON PRAYER (Lleyton Hewitt, AUS)
Later in the locker room, The Book of Common Prayer — a shocking bad sport — groused, “That Magna Carta’s going straight to hell, you know.” The Magna Carta, busy dabbing sweat off its brittle yellow papers, overheard this, and rolled, enraged, over to The Book of Common Prayer. “Oh, yeah?” it glowered. “Well, get up, Prayer Boy! Time to open up a can of habeus corpus on your ass!” Things went south rather quickly, as sounds of ripping and crumpling could be heard echoing through the locker room hallway.
Stay tuned …. more results from today to come!
YOU ARE THE BEST. I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE U.S. OPEN. But alas, can it match up (pun intended!) to England?
Well, now that I’m out…Anyone for a spot of tea?
Cheers to all who are left!
It’s very refreshing! Sorry, Kathi!
Well, this is fun, Tracey!
Now that I’m out its Gin for everybody! PLUS, we can make snide remarks about the other players — how Anglican (and by proxy, Episcopalian)!
Andy — The Magna Carta beating The Book of Common Prayer was a bit of an upset, actually. Sorry!
No need for the apology! This is all in good fun and what fun it is!
You don’t have to tell me twice that the Magna Carta beating the BCP was an upset! 🙂