nervous, very nervous ….

The San Diego Chargers are playing the Tennessee Titans in just a few moments in the NFL playoffs. We lost at this point last year. After an amazing 14-2 season, we LOST at this point last year. UGH. Awful. We gotta win today. Gotta. Sorry any readers from Tennessee, but San Diego is the perennial hard-luck team. It’s hard to root for the hard-luck team and at some point, luck’s got to change, right? Right?? AGHHHHHH! Quick, my smelling salts!!

UPDATE, 4:48 p.m.: WE WON!!!!! 17-6. Looked bleak there for a bit, but we pulled it out in the second half. Quick, my smelling salts!!

Next week, Divisional Championship against Indianapolis and that oogie Peyton Manning.

in case you missed it ….

The Pantone Color of the Year for 2008 is ….

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Blue Iris!

What’s this all about? Tut, I dunno!

Here’s what someone said about this most important choice for our country during this, an election year:

In a statement, Leatrice Eiseman, the executive director of the Pantone Color Institute, said: “Blue Iris brings together the dependable aspects of blue, underscored by a strong, soul-searching purple cast. Emotionally, it is anchoring and meditative with a touch of magic.” (Ohmmmm-weeee!)

Ms. Eiseman said the selection process had been very thoughtful, based on various influences, and that indeed the final choice reflected a “need for thoughtfulness.” Five individuals were involved in the selection process. “With blue iris, we felt that it answered several needs, hopes, desires, that kind of thing,” she said.

(Sure, Peaches. I feel my needs being met just looking at it, that kind of thing.)

Apparently, though, Pantone’s choice caused some controversy in Colortown! Look!

Pantone provides standardized palettes for a number of industries, mainly graphics, fashion textiles and interior design. Not surprisingly, Pantone’s competitors in the area of forecasting are skeptical of its choice, if not the motive behind it.

“It’s very good for publicity, and it certainly shows a lot of bravado,” said Margaret Walch, the director of the Color Association, a forecasting group founded in 1915, when the vast majority of its members were milliners, glove makers and hosiery suppliers. Because consumer tastes and values are under a variety of influences — economic, environmental, global — anointing one color isn’t all that meaningful, she said. Is there a color she might have picked instead? Ms. Walch laughed lightly, as if to say, “O.K., I’ll play along.” She answered, “My color for 2008 is bamboo.” A yellowed green, chosen from the association’s interior palette, she said, it “represents the stable green that is most on people’s minds.” She said it’s similar to a hue called Vineyard, adding: “I feel it just has a power. You know, these are very insecure times.”

(Bamboo?! Seriously? Bamboo??? Drat! I knew everything in the end would involve the dreaded panda somehow. Feeling insecure? Look to the panda, people, buried under their bamboo security blanket! Be the panda! Slow-moving, stupid lumps.)

just a note

Peeps, I’m having some health issues right now that are a little bit scary. Not hugely scary — please don’t worry. I don’t think it’s serious, but I could still use your prayers. We’re just under a lot of stress right now. So …. and this is so lame to do this …. I’m posting my review of “Sweeney” in two parts, starting below. This first part of the review talks about expectations. I’ll leave comments open on the review, but PLEASE don’t comment on anything about the movie that isn’t discussed there. Again, this is mostly about expectations. I’m gonna go rest, okay? Thankee.

where david lynch gives me hope

“When you’re down, when you’ve been kicked down in the street and then kicked a few more times until you’re bleeding and your teeth are out, then you only have up to go. You get reborn again and expectations aren’t so great because they’ve taken you away. It’s beautiful to be down there. It’s so beautiful!”

~ David Lynch

under the weather

I’m a bit out of commission, peeps. But I’m working on my “Sweeney” review, consciously avoiding all other reviews.

For now, I share a little drawing that Piper colored for me. Along with some High School Musical paraphernalia from her aunt and uncle, she got a little homemade coloring book from me, Tee Tee, for Christmas. She loooooves to color. Here’s a page she colored and signed to me.

It says, “rose, to a, rose.” So cute. I love how she’s practicing her punctuation. Even though it’s not quite right, she’s working out the whole comma thing. Plus, I am loving the plaid hair. GO, Piper! I just wanna smush her always. All the time. Smush without ceasing. Smushy-smushy-smush.

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more Christmas snippets

I just write this all down so that I can remember it, really. Nothing is all that fleshed out here ……

~ My 13-year-old nephew’s favorite class in middle school is drama, so he went around making bold pronouncements about who all the bad actors and actresses are. He is now in the know, you see.

~ As his loving aunt, I saw it as my duty to tease him about girls. He’s one of those 13 year olds. Very cute, confident for his age. A babe magnet. Plus, I already know from my sister that calls come to the house every week from giggly mystery girls who ask for him and then hang up. He’s clearly on the middle school chick radar so someone’s gotta tease him and it might as well be me, I figure. At one point, I had him blushing and bowing his head after a particularly grueling cross-examination, and I said, “‘Member when you used to love me?” “Noo,” he said. Then, of course, the wrassling began. Later on, though, while we watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, he lay on the couch with his head in my lap for a long time. He still does stuff like that. It’s so sweet.

~ Every Christmas for as long as I can remember, we gather near the tree in the evening and have Circle. Circle is when we sing Christmas carols — uhm, my dad passes out these — for lack of a better way to describe them — Christmas carol brochures that were made by a company he worked for years ago. I mean, these things are probably 35 years old and they still get passed out every year despite the fact that we all know all the words to every verse of every carol on that darn brochure. It’s just what’s done: Dad passes out the carol brochures. So we hold the brochures and we sing. Middle nephew (see above) sat between MB and me and between verses I would whisper to him, “Oh, here comes your solo. Ready, Go!” and he’d start giggling. Terrible boy. Sheesh. Control yourself, kid. I am aghast. Baby Jesus can manage not to cry in the manger and you’re sitting here laughing. For shame.

~ After carols, someone reads Luke chapter 2 from this huge old family Bible. It’s someone different every year. Then we hold hands in a circle — usually all sitting on the floor — and pray together. Whoever wants to pray something. Anything. Even Piper, if she wants. And Banshee chimed in at great length this year but it was very soft and high-pitched, so it was pretty much a private moment between her and her God. Maybe it was “Please keep me from killing Nana, Jesus. Thank you. Amen.”

~ After Circle time, my parents went home. Because of mom’s chronic illness, she can’t sleep overnight in a strange bed anymore. My brother and family went home because of Baby Banshee. So it was just us and my sister’s family. Very mellow. Low key.

~ We had NO problem whatsoever getting Piper to bed. She requested to have MB and I put her to bed. She put out a plate for Santa — Hershey’s kisses and candy canes and milk — got in her jammies and jumped into bed. One story, where we alternated reading pages. Then she was completely ready to sleep. Kiss, kiss, kiss, you go now, I sleep now. It was that easy.

~ Later that night, as we were putting out presents from Santa, my brother-in-law opened a tiny package under the tree that said “To Santa From Piper.” “You have to see this,” he said. He handed the box to me and inside was a handmade wooden bead bracelet with four letter beads that spelled out “HERO.” The R was backwards. Piper had made that and wrapped it herself and put it under the tree for Santa. We looked at each other with tears in our eyes. I said, “What’re you going to do with it?” “Keep it hidden away for a few more years, then I think I’ll give it back to her when she’s old enough.” “That’s a good idea.” “Yeah.” And then we just stood there in the glow of the tree, together but quiet, for a long minute.

~ The Santa Ana winds were blowing fierce on Christmas morning, starting around 3 a.m. It’s hilly at my sister’s house and the wind was literally howling through those hills outside our window. Couldn’t sleep because I was lying there just waiting for ol’ Santa to come crashing through the window on his wind-tossed sleigh. Found out later that the gusts were up to 80 miles an hour that night. Lots of downed decorations in people’s yards that morning. Broken candy canes. Dead reindeer. Headless Frosties. Your basic natural disaster. Ho ho ho.

~ About 6 a.m., I heard the thud of Piper’s feet on the floor above me. Sheeee’s up! Then ….. thud-thud-thud-thud-thud, rapid fire as she bounded down the stairs. Then a pause. I knew she looking at the stash from Santa under the tree. “Mommy! Mommy! MOMMY!!” And she thudded up the stairs again. It was the best way to wake up ever.

~ I got up, joined my sister in the kitchen, helped with Christmas breakfast. Piper hugging anything in sight. She was literally glowing with anticipation. “Where’s Uncle Beloved?!” “He’s still asleep, sweetie.” He wasn’t, really, but she likes to go in and “wake him up.” I tiptoed to the door of our room and through a crack in the door, told MB that he needed to be asleep, Piper was coming. He obligingly faked sleep and Piper burst through the door, climbing on him and tickling him awake. She just loves her Uncle Beloved.

~ Piper got the blue Sharpei (sp?) dress from High School Musical. She was over the moon. She wants to wear it to the next father-daughter dance, she said. Hahaha. We’ll see.

~ Santa had eaten all the kisses and candy canes and left her a thank you note for his bracelet. She made sure to point all this out to us. She was so proud and happy.

~ Oh, I forgot to mention my favorite gift! Christmas Eve, my brother was acting all wiggly with anticipation to give my sister and me our presents. “You have to open them together; they’re the same thing.” I had no idea what it could possibly be. Just two small boxes. We opened them up and I gasped out loud when I saw it: a CD of a verrry obscure Christian duo that the three of us were completely obsessed with back in the ’70s. We listened to our tape (back then) CONSTANTLY. They were IT for us. They had it together. All figured out or something. They gave us hope, helped us believe, made the Christian life seem …. well, a lot easier than it is. But they were so of a time for us, if that makes any sense. The music by most anyone’s standards would be seen as totally cheesy and yet, I can’t see them that way at all. I see them through much younger eyes and I’m sure I always will. I’m still not entirely sure how my brother put this all together. I mean, these guys are OB-scure. Over the years, I’ve tried to search them out online, but to no avail. My brother just said, very matter-of-factly, “I found a guy online and he made me these copies.” He’d also had the guy copy the photo from the old cassette cover and put it on our CD’s. So sweet, so thoughtful. The three of us were instantly transported back, back, years ago, to that secret place we shared because of this music. It was my favorite gift. Maybe one of my favorite gifts ever.

~ After breakfast, after the gift opening, after all the commotion, my sister and I tried to sneak away just to talk. We climbed on their bed — and — oh Sweet Jesus! — my BIL’s side of the bed has this memory foam dealie that I instantly fell in love with, so SO comfy, like floating. We chatted quietly for a few moments, until middle nephew barged in. “What’re you doin’?” He climbed into the bed between us. Sister time over. Moments later, BIL came in, collapsed on the bed. Four of us now, sharing a bed, sister and I wrassling nephew, BIL trying to sleep on the very edge. Moments later, oldest nephew. “Hey! Here’s where you all are!” Thunk. On the bed. Getting crowded. Can’t breathe. “Let’s watch a movie,” someone said. (They have a flat screen in the bedroom, conveniently, for all of us lazybones.) We ended up watching, appropriately, Independence Day and digging into the big ol’ bucket — literally, bucket — of caramel almond popcorn I’d made for all of them. Five of us, plopped on the bed, snuggled together, all third world and cozy, littering the bed with caramel corn. Only 2 of us were missing but, apparently, Piper had kidnapped MB and he was buried deep deep deep in “My Li’l Pet Shop” assembly and play time. We could hear their voices. Just so cute. He’s so patient with her. They played Pet Shop for like an hour and a half.

~ Finally, the two of them came wandering into our Very Third World Christmas Bed. “Oh, I see what’s going on here.” Piper plopped onto the pile. BIL and older nephew climbed off and took spots on the floor. MB climbed on. The revolving door of bed personnel. Sister, nephew, MB, Piper, and me. All happily crowded. Tickling nephew. Snuggling Piper. Eating caramel corn. Watching Independence Day.

All very lovely and cozy and Christmasy.

Enjoy the last day of the year, everyone!!

finally saw it!

We just got back from finally seeing ALL of “Sweeney Todd.”

And, oh, do I have a lot to say about it! Lots. A lotty-lot-lots.

On the other hand, it’s New Year’s weekend, for poosake, and I have to gather my scattered thoughts and recover from my attempt to magically heal my plague-ridden husband last night with a feast of turkey and stuffing and garlic mashed potatoes and Riesling gravy and blood and sweat and tears and swear words. Huge pearly onion tears. Huge pearly onion swears. Frankly, I blame Martha Stewart and her unrealistic expectations of what it means to be a turkey-roastin’, gravy-makin’ woman in this world.

Stupid Martha Stewart. Back to the hoosgow with you!

So my review will appear, oh, sometime in the next few days, I think.

Being a turkey shaman is so very draining.

Also, I burnt the roof of my mouth last night because my hot cocoa with marshmallows was way too hot.

So this is suffering on a grand scale, you see.

Christmas snippets

~ I am still not over clicking through the channels last week and pausing long enough to watch Olivia Newton-John in a gorgeous slinky gold gown singing Xanadu for “Christmas at Ford’s Theatre.” Everyone else was singing, oh, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas or Silent Night or Feliz Navidad, but Olivia Newton-John came out and just nailed that perennial holiday classic, Xanadu. I was beside myself with joy.

~ Driving up the coast to my sister’s, I could not get over the huge char areas from the recent fires. For Thanksgiving, we drove up north to the deep dark middle of nowhere and saw miles of it. And that was a different freeway. This was the good ol’ I-5. The freeway that runs from the Mexican border to the Canadian border. At one point, around Camp Pendleton, the scorched areas came literally to the edge of the freeway. And the freeway at this point is probably about 300 yards from the ocean. So … immediately to my right — vast grey-black hills. Immediately to my left, vast dark blue ocean. It was surreal.

~ When we arrived, Piper was sitting at the edge of the driveway waiting for us. She’d just been sitting there. Waiting. For a while.

~ She was “so escited.”

~ She told me all about her “letter from Santa!” “Tee Tee, he tole me he knows I’m good!!” That seemed to be the most important thing to her. Well, that, and the fact that her drawing was apparently hanging front and center in his workshop. She then dragged me up to her lavendar-and-yellow bedroom and proudly showed me “THE ACTUAL LETTER!!” stuck to her bulletin board. I oohed and aahed and laughed the entire time.

~ Baby Banshee (new niece), now three weeks old, showed up a few moments later. Not by herself, of course. I mean, her legs are probably too short to reach the pedals. And I don’t think her arms can reach the steering wheel. And she can’t hold up her head unassisted. Or focus on things more than 18 inches away or something like that. I’m no lawyer or anything, but the weight of the evidence seems to suggest that she did not drive herself up to my sister’s house. Plus, my brother and his wife were also there with their long arms and long legs and working eyeballs, so I think we can safely conclude that one of them was the driver. Although, The Banshee was there, too. She’s precocious and kinda scary. In all fairness, we really can’t rule her out as the driver in this scenario.

~ This was the first time I had seen Baby Banshee and it’s always hard for me to see a new family baby at first, no matter how much I may end up completely in love with them. I always have to psych myself up. Ignore the pit in my stomach. Pretend no one’s watching my reaction. Pray I don’t cry. Act as normal as possible which is nearly impossible to do when you’re just “acting” normal. Baby Banshee slept a long time off in a corner in her carseat thingy so I kept walking by when no one was around, getting closer each time, just kinda circling her. She’s smushy and delicate with lots of dark hair poking out of her head. I don’t know where she ever got hair that dark. Later, when she woke up, I asked, heart pounding, if I could hold her. As she relaxed into my arms, I relaxed a bit and said, “Hey, little munchkin” while she stared up at me for a long time with her blue-black eyes. So I had done it. And I was okay. I didn’t start blubbing or shaking or breaking out in hives. I suppose it sounds strange, but it’s always a small internal victory when I do this. I have to fight my baser resentful self who doesn’t want to hold the baby, who wants to stay safe under the familiar warm blanket of bitterness. But beyond all that, far above all that, a new baby deserves to be greeted with as much love as her aunt can muster. And looking down into her smushed little face, it wasn’t that hard, really.

~ Upon arrival, Big Banshee stood in the doorway singing, “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” in her red velvet dress. (She is always ready for her close-up, Mr. DeMille.) She then immediately grabbed Piper’s hand and enforced cousin play time commenced. Later, there was an incident where Big Banshee hit Piper with a doll. This was NOT okay with Tee Tee. Even later, there was an incident where Big Banshee was freaking out about the bows on her dress being crooked. Her Nana (my mother) said, “Banshee, if you keep acting like that, you will never have any friends.” This was also not okay with Tee Tee. Sigh …..

~ My dad pulled me aside so he could perform one of his comedy routines for me. Let me explain. My dad has been in his church choir for ages now. He — according to him — is the resident comedian, the comic relief. Dad is a financial planner but once told me, years ago, that he’d always wanted to be a stand-up comedian. It was so touching to me. What he said. That he told me. Dad doesn’t share stuff. He just doesn’t mostly, so that was a big deal. For some reason, I’m the child he turns to when he wants to do his comedy. He always tells me the context first, “This is the routine I did at the choir retreat.” Or “I did this one at the choir banquet” or something. The routine is always typed out on paper. He doesn’t perform it that way for his peeps, but he types it so he can give me a copy. Still, for me, he starts to read it — with great feeling — and then immediately dissolves into great shaking laughter. He can never get through it straight when he performs it for me. I know he can for the choir because I’ve seen plenty of videotapes, believe me, and he never breaks. But for me, he’s gone. And then I’m gone. And then we are both just out of our minds laughing. Not laughing, even. Giggling. Like little kids. Uncontrollably. Honestly — and God help me — it’s not that I find his routines so funny; it’s that he cracks himself up. It’s totally irresistible to me. I’m just helpless against my dad’s great shaking laughter at himself. It’s adorable. I’m laughing right now just picturing it. That’s the little kid in my dad — my 71-year-old dad — that I just love love LOVE to see.

(more snippets to come — I’m just gonna post this part now!)