nature studies

A few weekends ago, MB and I went to the San Diego Wild Animal Park with my SIL and the Banshee Kids. Banshee Boy is 14 months old now, jolly and pudgy with arms and legs as plump as juicy tenderloins. We had a stroller for him, but he likes to be on the move whenever possible, so he was probably out of the stroller more than he was in it.

At one point, we were standing in line to go on the tram that winds through the various valleys where the beasts roam free. Look, there’s a giraffe. Oh, a baby one! Look at that rhino with the weird horn. No, Banshee Boy. Stay in the tram, you know, that kind of thing, complete with a play-by-play commentary from an earnest, sweat-stained biology major from UCSD.

The line was roped off. People jostled in close quarters. Banshee Boy was on the ground, hovering close to his mom. In front of us were two ladies, one of whom had a very … ample bottom.

Which Banshee Boy promptly reached up and grabbed.

Firmly. With both chubby fists.

MB, my SIL, and I — the three adults in the situation — burst out laughing, completely useless and immature. There was so much jostling in the line, I’m not sure the lady even noticed. SIL pulled at BB and barked a feeble “No, BB!” between guffaws but it was too late.

That boy’s big blue eyes bugged out like he’d had his first hit of crack. Instant addiction.

And a split second later, he grabbed that big ol’ butt again.

Firmly. With both chubby fists.

He was hooked. Helpless.

“NO, BB!” more sternly from my SIL, but the three of us were basically limp with hysterics. MB beamed with pride at his pervy toddler nephew and said, “Yeah! That’s my boy!”

As his fat little hands were pulled away from their fleshy object of desire, I saw a different kind of glow in BB’s eyes. The glow of secret discovery. The gleam of knowing this particular something new was different from all the other somethings new that he experiences nearly every day.

No, this, this was something completely other.

I swear I saw it, flickering in his eyes: The exact moment that touch was forever seared in his memory banks.

Banshee Boy just stood silently next to his mom, grinning, grinning in post-assault glee.