A Dom Squab — domestic squabble — we actually had on Friday night. I might have been a tad hormoniacal.
HE: I was getting the pee willies. I had to pull over and pee in a bottle.
ME: Really?
HE: Yes. It was bad.
ME: I’m sorry, babe. (the pause that ruins everything) Where’s the bottle?
HE: In the car.
ME: In the car?
HE: Yeah. I had too much stuff to carry. What was I supposed to do?
ME: Uhm, dump it out somewhere? Bring it up here and dump it in the toilet?
HE: I wasn’t gonna carry it up here with me. Besides, it’s in the car, sealed up.
ME: So there’s a bottle of sealed pee in the car??
HE: Yeah. No big deal.
ME: There is sealed pee in our car!!
HE: I’ll get it tomorrow. I don’t want to go all the way down there.
ME: Well, give me the keys and I’ll go get it.
HE: No, I don’t want you to have to do it. It’s my pee.
ME: But I don’t want it to be in the car!
HE: Why is it such a big deal?
ME: I don’t know! It just is! There’s PEE in our car! What if it spills out?
HE: It won’t.
ME: You don’t know that! It’s just freaking me out! We have bottled PEE in our car! Like we’re officially hobos!
HE: I can’t believe this. This is the dumbest fight ever.
ME: No, it’s not. It’s peeeeeeeeeee!
HE: (after staring at me for a moment in gobsmacked silence) Okay. Fine. I’ll take care of it.
ME: I said I’d do it. I will. I would do it.
HE: You’re not doing it.
(leaves — not happily — and returns a few moments later)
HE: Okay. It’s taken care of.
ME: Thank you. What did you do with it?
HE: Dumped it on the grass.
ME: (drily) Now all the neighborhood dogs are gonna smell that and follow you around when they put two and two together.
HE: This is the stupidest thing ever.
ME: I know. I’m sorry. Thank you for taking care of the pee.
HE: (sighs) You’re welcome.
I’m torn between laughing at the entire interaction (which could easily have transpired in my own home, though the offending party would be Eldest Son, not MrRT), irrational envy that men can actually relieve themselves in containers, thus allowing them to drive without stopping at grotty gas station bathrooms, and being grossed out by the idea of bottled pee being left in a car.
No, you’re not the only one, Tracey, and I’m not even hormoniacal at present.
I’m giving you a LOL and a 🙂 for that one.
/Like we’re officially hobos!/ is going to stick with me for a while.
Dying here. “Like we’re officially hobos!” LOLOLOL
Much like RT, I can picture a similar tiff in my own home…
Why the bottle? Maybe this is gross, but what would be wrong with the side of the road? I mean, if you’re already having to pull over to arrange this scenario… Well, regardless, it’s certainly no grosser than peeing in a bottle and then KEEPING IT, for heaven’s sake.
Seriously, doesn’t it amaze you the totally stupid CRAP that can turn into a sudden apocalypse??
This went on for longer than I’ve posted here, but for brevity’s sake, I’ve spared you all that. Somehow, I got it in my head that the Pee Incident of 2010 was FRAUGHT with larger meaning.
Insane. I read it now and just howl.
When MB found out I posted this, he said, “You told people I peed in a bottle in the car?”
I said, “Babe, every man who reads my blog has probably done that and every woman on my blog knows a man who has done that. It’s okay.”
Come to think of it, bottled pee might work better than a car alarm to deter thieves.
Uh, not that I’m taking sides or anything.
I like the line about being “official hobos”. As though before you were just UNofficial hobos, but now, with MB’s action, you’ve made it official.
I know plenty of guys who have done that on long car rides. No worries, MB.
// the Pee Incident of 2010 was FRAUGHT with larger meaning. //
hahahahahahahaha
Kate P! Bottled pee says “HOBOS WELCOME!!”
(SO excited about tonight!!)
sheila — Yes, like we’ve lost our amateur status and can no longer compete in The Hobo Olympics.
Yes, like we’ve lost our amateur status and can no longer compete in The Hobo Olympics.
On the bright side, you can make endorsement deals for canned beans and handkerchiefs tied to sticks.
“Bottled pee says ‘HOBOS WELCOME!!’â€
Ohhhh! It must be because I’m not an official hobo that I don’t know the hobo code.
P.S. Yay! 🙂
Kate P — I don’t like that lispy guy. I wanna punch him.
NF — Hahahahaha! Just in time for Christmas.
“Merry Christmas, Banshee! It’s a handkerchief tied to a stick. You’re an Official Hoboâ„¢!”
Laughed so hard I could barely read through the tears!