So we’re at Saturday breakfast — part of our regular Saturday morning ritual. There is a man sitting alone at a table behind and to the left of ours. I am facing him; MB has his back to him. Occasionally, during our breakfast, I notice him glancing at me. I ignore it. He seems harmless. An apple-pie-and-ice-cream type.
When we’re done, MB gets up to pay the bill while I sit and sip those final drops of coffee. Suddenly, the man bolts from his seat, bounds up to me.
He speaks and I startle, almost spitting out my coffee.
“You look really familiar.”
For a split second I think Uh-oh. Do I know this guy? I have no clue who he is. AWKward.
He charges ahead, smiling.
“Do you have a video on YouTube?”
Uhm, what??
“Noo. What kind of video??”
I can’t help it. It just slips out because, well, my mind is basically screaming WHAT KIND OF VIDEO??
He doesn’t elaborate. He stares at the floor.
“Oh, well …. I saw this video yesterday and I thought — ”
“Uh, yeah, sorry, no.”
At that, he slinks back to his seat. MB approaches and I say, “We need to leave now.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Shh. Just go.”
In the car I explain it all.
“You should have said, ‘Ooh, well, what part of it was your favorite?’ then you would have found out what kind of video it was.”
“Yeah, great.”
“Some nerve to approach you the minute the man you’re with gets up from his seat.”
“Maybe it was a How to Bowl a Strike video or something.”
“Yeah. I’m sure that’s why he marched up to you the minute I left.”
“He seemed so apple pie.”
“Those kind are the worst.”
“I don’t know what to think now that I’m some kind of whore.”
“The worst,” MB mutters.
“I’m a whore,” I mutter.
And we drive a bit in silence digesting this, my newfound whoredom.
At least it was You Tube. Imagine how spooky if he had said, “I think I’ve seen your videos on the Internet,” all vague-like and creepy.
Now I MUST send you the harlot t-shirt. Except it will say, “Bring it, I’m a harlot!”
It was “Slatterns Gone Wild,” wasn’t it?
Cullen — Well, that’s true.
sarahk and Kate P — Hahahahahahaha!