where i answer googlers’ questions

People Google extremely random topics that end up bringing them here. Sometimes, they ask Google questions and their questions bring them here. When that happens, I feel an obligation to answer, to try to help as best I can. You know, to give the appearance of being a caring compassionate person and whatnot.

So here are a few from this past week:

~ Did Michael Jackson belong to a witch cult?

Googler, wasn’t there enough that was weird and sad and unsettling about Michael Jackson without wondering about this? But okay. Uhm, yes. Yes, Googler, he did. And he’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too. What a world, what a world, etc.

And scene.

~ My frog is pale — is that okay?

Well, Peaches, I see you found my live blog of “Frogs.” If that didn’t answer your question, there literally IS no answer to this question. Although, may I ask: Was your frog recently put in boiling water?

~ Where is the nearest commune?

This one touches me. This Googler clearly wants to get the H outta Dodge and I find it all rather endearing. I so relate to that. Someone please tell me WHERE can I go to get away from THIS. And, to answer you, Googler, well, the nearest commune is right here, on this blog. Here, as a matter of fact. All are welcome. (Well, unless/until I decide you’re not. It’s one of them-there tyrannical communes. Don’t be scared, Googler. Your life of toil and misery and indentured servitude to moi will last only until I tire of you, and the good thing here is I’m very fickle.)

There. Answers to seekers’ questions. Hope that helps.

I know that I, for one, feel all aglow with compassion and self-satisfaction.

4 Replies to “where i answer googlers’ questions”

  1. Celebrity info, amphibian advice, and commune directory–this blog’s got it all.

    “Did MJ belong to a witch cult?” My gosh, what kind of combination of your posts added up to come up in the search results for that??? According to the third grader I read with at the library last night, he didn’t but his doctor did. Every time I see this poor kid, she brings up something about his doctor. And I have no idea how to respond!

  2. Really? That’s so funny. And a little unsettling. I wouldn’t know what to say either, Kate.

    I think the post that Googler found was the recent one I wrote — uhm, the only one I’ve written about MJ.

  3. You are now ranked #1 on Google for searches on “My frog is pale — is that okay” and “Where is the nearest commune”. I know because I had to look. Sorry but you are only #2 on “Did Michael Jackson belong to a witch cult” as you were beat out by a lyrics website. Keep trying I know you’ll get #1 soon.

  4. Brian — Hahahahaha. That is the BEST news. I honestly hope that no one ever beats me on “my frog is pale – is that okay.”

    That one is MINE, baby.

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