look, starbucks

All right. I admit. Since I no longer have my own coffeehouse, I’m now a coffee whore. I patronize whatever-whichever coffeehouse happens to be closest to my hot little hands at any given moment. Seattle’s Best, Peet’s, independent coffeehouses, and, yes, even Starbucks. So, whatever, I drink around. A coffee slut with no deep foundational principles or steely moral core; that’s me. This, because I started to feel sorry for Starbucks since they now suck so bad and because I evidently thought my personal patronage would make ALL THE DIFFERENCE in their sucky bottom line.

But there are ongoing customer service problems I’ve encountered that go beyond their typical bitter brew. I’ve experienced these two issues at multiple Starbucks locations now, so it’s not a fluke or something unique to a particular location.

And I must address them.

(And Katie, I know you work at Starbucks — please don’t hate me.)

All right.

1) The way Starbucks handles the simple purchase of a cup of coffee is totally whack.

Here’s how they do it:

~ You order your cup of coffee.
~ They take your money.
~ They give you change.
~ (You leave a tip for, um, receiving nothing at this point.)
~ Again, they have your money, they have a generous tip, YOU have nothing yet.
~ So your end of the transaction is over — the cashier has moved on to the next customer, even, — but you must stand there off to the side, trying not to be in the way, while someone is back there, pouring your coffee. You hope.

No, Starbucks. NO. This is lame. It’s rude. It’s awkward for the customer. It creates a traffic jam. Not to mention it’s just flat-out inefficient. It happens EVERY time I go — in EVERY Starbucks I patronize. It’s like they’re told, “Get the money first and maybe the customer will just wander off and forget they ordered coffee.”

I understand, of course, that when you order a latte, a cappuccino, any other bar drink, you need to wait for it. But for a simple cup of coffee? No. NO.

Here’s the way to do it, Starbucks. The right way. Uhm, the way I did it, which — this cannot be overstressed — is THE RIGHT WAY:

~ Customer orders a cup of coffee: “I’ll have a small coffee.”
~ Cashier punches in the order and says, “That’s going to be $1.60” or whatever.

This next part is the key:

~ Cashier then steps away and actually gets the customer’s coffee for her.
~ This brief moment allows the customer time to dig around for the cash to pay for the coffee.
~ Cashier places freshly poured coffee in front of customer and repeats the amount due.
~ Customer pays, gets change, leaves a tip, and most importantly, her end of the transaction is over AND she has her coffee, simultaneously. Imagine that!

See that? That’s an even, simultaneous exchange. Coffee for money, money for coffee. No one stands like a poor lost soul in no man’s land waiting for her cup of coffee. No one gets the sense that you care more about her money than you do about her satisfaction. It’s beautiful is what it is.

Moving on.

2) The way Starbucks handles its paper coffee cups is whack. By that I mean, the way the barista grabs the cup into which they pour the coffee. (Yes, I notice even this tiny detail.)

Before I describe how they do it, I need you to picture your typical stack of paper coffee cups at your local coffeehouse. Picture it in your head right now. They’re stacked like a little paper pyramid, right? Stacked upside down, one on top of another. (Or they should be.) The bottom of the coffee cup is on the top of the stack, closest to the barista using it. You’ve got that in your head now, right? Okay.

So you’ve ordered a cup of coffee and here’s what Starbucks does:

~ Barista grabs a coffee cup
~ Barista grabs a cup sleeve
~ Barista puts the sleeve on the cup, most likely touching the lip of your cup — where your mouth will soon be going, pippa — with his hands, which, well, might be clean but might not be. And let’s not forget, there’s the dread swine flu. Now, personally, I’m not really a germaphobe, but some people are and coffeehouses need to take that into consideration. And anyone who puts milk, sugar, etc., into his coffee will do a “test-taste” after stirring and drink from the cup with the lid off. Right? You take the lid off to add stuff and then stir it and taste it before putting the lid back on. Right? Well, of course, right. I watched this every day. I mean, I secretly TIMED people at the condiment stand with my stopwatch, for Pete’s sake. I noticed things.
~ Barista pours coffee into the cup and then — ugh — grabs a lid, gets his hands all over it — where your mouth will soon be going, pippa — and, ta da, hands you your pristine cup of coffee. YUM. Drink up!

No, Starbucks. Again, NO.

Here’s the way you handle your cups. The right way. The way I did it.

Someone has ordered a cup of coffee.

~ You grab a cup sleeve, FIRST — key, key, key
~ You shape it into an O — just curl your fingers
~ You take that O of a cup sleeve and you slam it down on the bottom of the cup at the top of the pyramid
~ You take a finger from your free hand and place it on the cup pyramid — in the space between the top cup and the next cup in line — and use it as a little bit of leverage whilst you pull the top cup off the pyramid by the sleeve that you just placed on it. This whole action takes two seconds. It’s fast. It’s easy. And no customer will every say, “Did you just put your finger on/in my cup, the top of my cup, somewhere I don’t want it?” Because that does happen. People notice. Or, rather, certain people are prone to notice and make it an issue. So just de-issue it, okay? De-issue everything as much as possible on the front end of things. This method — the “O” coffee sleeve method — is so fast, so clean, really, I don’t understand why I don’t see it at every coffeehouse I ever go to, but I’ve only seen it in two places: The ol’ Beanhouse and later, my own coffeehouse.
~ The final step, the lid step — well, that just shouldn’t be happening, in my opinion. Lids should be at the condiment stand for customers to put on for themselves. I know putting lids on for the customers minimizes spills, but I never once had a customer complain about being able to handle their OWN lid. It gives them control and they don’t worry about any random barista cooties.

And, sometimes, pippa, I hate to tell you: there be cooties.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fought the urge to demonstrate the O Coffee Sleeve Trick to Starbucks employees. I mean, I have stood in Starbucks recently, like, oh, maybe today, literally telling myself, “Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it.” A couple of weeks ago, I took a manager’s business card from the little cup on the counter vowing to “write him a helpful letter.”

I have not done that.

But I still have the card ….

19 Replies to “look, starbucks”

  1. I’ve never noticed this before but now that you say it, they do seem to do that when I order coffee. Now I’m going to be looking out for the coffee cup thing.

  2. I’d rather just avoid their bitter brew (thank you for that) all together. But when I do have to have a cup from Starbucks (at the airport, most likely), I usually just have to grin and bear it.

  3. Alright, here goes…

    Your first point is fair, and if you came to my store, and I was ringing, it probably wouldn’t happen. If it’s not busy, me or someone else will be taking your money and the other will be pouring your cup of coffee at the same time and bringing it over to you as the transaction is completed.

    If it’s busier, depending on, oh, I don’t know, my mood, the place my space brain is, the time of day, how much you have already annoyed me, I might take your money first and give you the change, but I would then IMMEDIATELY go get your coffee. Not take the orders of the next people in line. Not make you stand there waiting around like a fool. Not shuffle you off to the line to pick up bar drinks. I would go get your coffee. The one exception to this would be if I know the coffee is in the middle of rebrewing and it is going to be 90 seconds or whatever until it is done, and then I will politely inform you of this before the transaction, offer you an Americano for the price of the brewed coffee, and if you’d prefer to wait, I will bring the coffee to you where ever you are standing or sitting as soon as it is finished.

    On your second point, I get what you are saying. But. Most of the Starbucks sleeves – except for some of the “special edition” ones, like Christmas, or the tea latte ones we had this winter – have a small spot of glue in the middle that hold the two sides together. I have NO idea why this is, or why the special ones are different. I do know that it is a severe pain in my rear. It is virtually impossible to open a sleeve with one hand. The technique that you have elaborated, well, I know it can be done. I have seen it done. But in the two years I have worked at Starbucks, in 2 different cities, with hours clocked at approximately 10 stores, working with (that I know of) 4 different employees who have spent more than 5 years with the company, I know of precisely one person who could actually do it. I have tried, and I usually just end up jamming the cups together too tightly to get them apart the next time. That said, I never touch the inside of the cup, and do my level best not to touch the rim. I have had 6 different managers and 3 different district managers watch me bar, and none of them have ever suggested that I was in any way violating health code regulations. All I can do is say I’m sorry and tell you that if you were at my store, such things would not happen. You would be treated with kindness, respect, and a fabulous cup of coffee.

    And also, the sip after fixing thing is weird to me. Of course, I don’t tend to stare at people at the condiment bar, probably because it would annoy me too much. But anything that goes in my coffee or tea goes in as it is being made. No adjustments after the fact, unless you’re remaking the whole drink, pal.

    But I do understand the watching and the judging, what with your own experience and all. I do that at other Starbucks, even. I will say, I’d like a venti Americano in a grande cup. I’d like the water in first, then the shots right on top, no shot glasses, and then heavy whipping cream. Yes, I’m a pain, I’m sorry. But I work here. I know what I want. And anyhow, my drink should be perfect everytime. The sign on the door says so. Just the other day I watched a woman (who had nodded and appeared to be listening when I asked for this) put a couple inches of water in the bottom of the cup, add a little heavy cream, pull the shots into shot glasses and then dump them into the water, and then fill the cup the rest of the way up. Um, hello. Not what I wanted, not what I ordered, and yes, it does taste different. But I was running late to a meeting and didn’t have time to get it remade.

    Anyway, I’m sorry that you’ve not had such good experiences with Starbucks. Come visit me in Minnesota and come to my store, and I will make sure that your Starbucks Experience rocks.

  4. Oh, and also, I don’t put sleeves on cups until the drink is completely finished and the lid is on, because otherwise I can’t read the markings on the side of the cup.

  5. Katie — Yeah. On the first point. It’s just my feeling that the moment of purchase should be an even exchange, as I said. The money and coffee are exchanged simultaneously. To take the customer’s money, give them change, and leave them waiting is just …. weird. I’ve had Starbucks baristas simply forget I ordered coffee. Again, I’m not saying you personally do any of this. But out here at the Starbucks I frequent in my neighborhood — and depending on where I am in a given day, there are about 5 that I go to — this seems to be the accepted practice. It actually seems to be the way they’re trained. I notice this happens even if there’s someone there who could pour the coffee while the order is rung up. I still have to wait. I don’t know — it’s the leaving the person hanging thing that just doesn’t work for me. The customer has a moment of insecurity wondering if they’ve been forgotten — or will be forgotten.

    (And you don’t need to tell me you’re sorry! You haven’t done anything wrong!)

    The “O” Trick — I dunno. If the sleeves are glued, well, they’re glued …. which is a little odd to me, but there’s not a lot you can do about that, I would imagine. I just like to eliminate all possible avenues of complaint from the get-go, you know? But, again, I don’t know any other coffeehouses that do this. And, yeah, it doesn’t really work for bar drinks if you need to see the drink order on the side of the cup. We didn’t have that issue — the drink orders popped up on the bar like little tickets.

    And I don’t know. After I’ve added cream, I always take a sip to see how it tastes. I see people do it all the time. But, then, I like to watch people’s habits.

    /But anything that goes in my coffee or tea goes in as it is being made. No adjustments after the fact, unless you’re remaking the whole drink, pal./

    Do you mean that people should ask for cream and sugar to be put into their coffee for them, after it’s poured? I’m not understanding entirely. I know some people ask for that, but in my experience it’s been rare. Most people seem to like to do that themselves at the condiment stand.

    I’m sure you’re a great barista, Katie. I’d hire you.

  6. tracey, I would start drinking coffee regularly if you would move here and open up B*heme II, The Froth of Khan. I’d love to have you making my coffee, would never fear your germs!

    And now whenever I do end up in a coffee shop (it happens once or twice a year), I’ll no doubt pick up on these things you’ve pointed out, and I’ll be all indignant that they’re doing it wrong.

  7. Yeah, the cup handling thing can be suspect–they don’t wear gloves? In another variation, you order a soda you have to get yourself, and the order-taker sets the cup open side down on the counter. I used to work for an attorney years ago who complained about that one day when she came back from lunch, but it’s never happened to me.

    As for the cup sleeves, I always forget to put one on the cup before I pour the coffee at the convenience store, and nearly burn off my fingers. So it’s more like cup, coffee, lid, sleeve. . . but I’ll have to try your recommendation of sleeve, cup, coffee, lid.

    You might or might not make Starbucks better, but you’ve helped this coffee drinker. 🙂

  8. No, that’s just my personal preference – I want my drink perfect when it’s handed to me. I suppose if I put sugar or “normal” cream in my brewed coffee I would do it myself, but since I only put heavy cream in mine, which doesn’t get set out on the condiment bar, there’s no need to.

    Also, 75%+ of our business is through the drive-thru, so the vast majority of people who order cream and sugar in their coffee either have to trust me to do it to their liking, be more specific (1.5″ of cream and 1/3 packet of splenda – no joke, people order this), or come inside and do it themselves.

    Anywhos, I agree with you. I think the glued sleeves thing is bizarre and it makes NO sense, but whatever. It’s apparently above my pay grade. And I only apologize because I feel bad that you had a (multiple) bad experience, and so I’m apologizing on behalf of the company. And I would LOVE to come work for you. 🙂

  9. The last time Ladybug and I drove to NC from Jersey, we stopped late at night at a rest stop, where I simply required some sort of caffeine. Should have grabbed a soda, I guess, but I wanted to get my wife something too, and she’s a coffee lass, so it was Starbucks. My wife loves decaf iced with a lot of room for skim. Every Dunkin Donuts we’ve ever been to gets this right. For that matter, the Seattle’s Best in several Borders all get it right too. How hard is it to pour decaf coffee into a full cup of ice, anyway?

    At this Starbucks, it was so difficult that two different people completely screwed it up. As in, EPIC FAIL. As in, this sequence of events:

    I get a full cup of hot decaf;
    I pull aside the barista and say, “I’m sorry, this should be iced decaf, and I need room for milk. Thanks;”
    Barista takes coffee back;
    Three minutes later I get back a slightly less-hot full cup of decaf.

    I wound up going to the ice machine at one of the other rest stop shops and filling an empty cup with ice and then pouring the decaf into that cup.

  10. NF — SO frustrating!! The thing is, with iced coffee, it’s not just coffee with ice in it. Or it shouldn’t be. I don’t know how Starbucks makes it, but you need to make a base for iced coffee called a “toddy.” It’s basically coarse-ground coffee that’s been cold-steeped for about 18 hours or so to make a super-strong base to which water is added. Just adding ice to coffee makes REALLY weak iced coffee. The melting ice ruins it. I assume Starbucks doesn’t do that. I always tell people if they want to make it at home, at least use coffee ice cubes so you get more coffee flavor as the ice melts.

    There’s my tip. That you didn’t ask for.

  11. We don’t steep it for 18 hours, but we do brew it double strength so that when we ice it down it’s not diluted and nasty.

    Nightfly – I would guess the problem you had was that we brew our iced coffee a few times throughout the day and actually chill it, so when someone orders iced coffee, they get coffee that’s already cold, then poured over ice, so that it you know, stays cold. In doing this, we only brew regular, not decaf, so in thinking through the mind of a barista-who-doesn’t-like-to-ask-questions-and-would-rather-assume-things-than-give-you-what-you-want…

    Well, anyway…if it were you and me, here’s how (I hope) the conversation would go:

    You: I’d like iced decaf coffee with lots of room for milk
    Me: We actually don’t brew iced coffee in decaf, but I could make you an iced decaf Americano if you’d like
    You: No, I just want hot decaf coffee poured over ice.
    Me: Oh, okay. Would you like it in a hot (paper) cup or a cold (plastic) cup?

    I might be thinking to myself that the hot coffee is just going to melt all the ice and then you will have very diluted decaf coffee, but hey, to each their own. 🙂

    Good luck with this in the future…

  12. NF — I’ve also seen “toddy steepers” available now. Saw them several months ago at Borders. I made toddy in large batches that were kept refrigerated — but no longer than 5 days. It’s great stuff. Almost like coffee syrup in consistency. I think it makes all the difference in iced coffee, makes it really decadent and yummy.

  13. I was a heavy iced coffee drinker in my late teens/early 20s. At home I always made it with coffee ice cubes. ‘Course, I’m just a black regular coffee guy now.

  14. Katie – awesome! Actually, I’d have said, “Great! Iced decaf Americano sounds fine, thank you.” And Now that everyone mentions it, the toddy base sounds much better and smarter than just diluted cold coffee. Maybe that IS how the Dunkin’s does it. But at that point, it was 10 pm, we were still three hours from home, and I had HOT decaf coffee… twice. No good options left.

    Tracey – I may have to investigate that toddy steeper. My Ladybug would LOVE iced decaf on a whim, in the comfort of our home.

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