You know how sometimes you find yourself trapped in a car with a grumpy Beloved and things are going downhill fast and you’re both secretly wondering “how much longer do we have to live” blahdie blah, etc.? You know how that happens sometimes?
And once you move past the preferable death scenarios dancing in your head, mesmerizing as they are, you actually start wondering how you could possibly cheer up your crabby Beloved. What to do? What to do??
Well, naturally, a caring wife will suddenly decide that the perfect plan to chase away the gathering storm clouds is to, uhm, cluck — not hum or sing, oh, no, CLUCK — her way through various well-known songs. Oh, like maybe “In the Hall of the Mountain King” by Edvard Grieg.
You know:
bawk bawk bawk bawk
bawk-bawk-baaawk
bawk-bawk-baaawk
bawk-bawk-baaawk
bawk bawk bawk bawk
bawk bawk bawk bawk
bawk bawk bawk bawk
baaaaawk
Oh, wait. How rude of me. Maybe you don’t recognize the tune from just the bawks. Okay. Here’s a MIDI of it, piano only version, which should have no impact whatsoever on your ability to cluck it out, pippa.
For this whole thing to really work in cheering up Your Beloved, you need two things:
1) The willingness to really sound like a chicken as much as possible.
and
2) Insanity.
You got those two things? You’re good to go, Peaches! Cluck it out with a vengeance!
Later, I moved on to the “Theme from Rocky,” pumping my arms in the air and clucking triumphantly like any good chicken-wife.
Naturally.
I just discovered this works with a fussy baby too!
So, do you just start clucking out of nowhere, like, without warning? Does that enhance the crabbiness dispersal? I can’t store up this important marital advice for the future until I find that out. 🙂
I knew the song, courtesy of a cover done by -erasure-. Weird, no? And your clucks are perfect, according to what I recall. In my head, your clucking sounds totally operatic–hilarious.
I used to do a “mouth trumpet” of modern rock songs (especially ones I couldn’t stand) to crack up a former boyfriend.
You know that half of the people are thinking, “he did WHAT?” …but the other half of us are thinking, “I bet it’s awesome to be married to Tracey.”
Jessicarrot — Hahaha! I’ll have to try it on my baby niece now.
Kate P — I wish they were operatic. They were mostly stupid, but they seemed to work. Mouth trumpet sounds like a good option — and slightly more dignified, too. 😉
Marisa — Oh, yes! You ALL wanna piece of my clucking! I cluck the songs that the whole world sings!!
I’m insane.
It just occurred to me that you did this while in the CAR–so, what, he’s driving while you’re clucking? I can see the conversation now. . . “Officer, I didn’t mean to miss that stop sign; you see, my wife was clucking–you know, to cheer me up. . .”