At Boheme today ….. some of my favorite gay guys, raving about, uhm, periods and bras:
GUY 1: Oh, Gawd. Why was Rosie O’Donnell talking about PMS today?
GUY 2: Ew. I know. I was freaking OWWT.
GUY 3: Yeah. Why do women think we want to hear that, Tracey??
They all turn towards me.
ME: Well, uhh —
GUY 2: Yeah. Like my sister? She’s got these really big bo*obs. And she’s always talking about them, about her big stupid bo*ob problems. To ME. And I DON’T WANNA HEAR IT. T. M. I.
GUY 3: Oh, yeah. I know. Like when my mom (ed.: she’s about 75) was here — she left one of her bras in my guest bed. And I found it! Ugh! I was so freaked out. And she called me and she’s all, “Daaaave, I can’t find my brrraaa! My good butterfly brrraaa! (he flutters his arms, a butterfly) Will you look for it? It’s the only white one I have! If I don’t have that one, all I have are a bunch of black ones!”
GUYS 1 & 2: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
GUY 3: I know. I know! My mom. In a black bra. My mind just shut down. So I tell her, “Yeah, Mom. I already found it, your butterfly bra (flutters his arms again). It was in the bed.” So she goes, “Oh, good! Will you send it to me overnight? I neeed it!” I can’t BElieve I’m going to the post office to overnight my mom some stupid $70 butterfly bra!
I was too busy wiping the tears of laughter off my face to say anything at all.
I honestly feel like I should know what a butterfly bra is – but I don’t. WHAT IS IT???? Should I get one? In order to handle my “big stupid bo*ob problems”?
I don’t know either, sheila! Maybe this is the answer for our “big stupid bo*ob problems” and yet, it’s just out of reach.
I was laughing too hard to ask. And if I had, I’d have been traumatizing them, making them talk about brrraaas.
I’m Googling it.
I’ll be right back.
Uhm …
click at your own risk.
http://www.bodybody.com/bubrath.html
My guess is it makes ’em float. 🙂 For $70 it ought to stop traffic.
The arm fluttering would totally have made me die laughing.
NOOOOOO! Butterfly bras?? No. No. No. Butterflies are so creepy and not the sweet little fluttery nicey things they would have you think. They are caterpillars with wings. They have the pretty wings to disguise the caterpillar! Ew. A caterpillar with wings on my jugger-naughts*? I don’t think so. Butterfly bras should be banned. Banned! Didn’t y’all see A View to a Kill?
* I came up with that just now. My gluten-enhanced bobbies will go away again after the gluten challenge is over. Thank goodness.
Guy Alert: If I had to guess I’d say the “butterfly” bra refers to the pattern of lace on the bodice thereof. Had this come up three months from now I could speak more credibly…
Well….maybe that kind of stuff IS TMI to the opposite sex. I mean…try putting the butterfly-bra on the other foot, so to speak…
I’d not be that interested in hearing about pr*ostate issues, or, um, the results of extreme excitement, or cups/straps/protection just as sort of a matter of course.
I mean, if I were INVOLVED with a guy, I’d put up with it. But there are some things I just prefer remained a bit of a mystery.
And a $70 bra: Kate’s right, for that price, it should stop traffic.
sheila — Hahahahaha! You are insane; Googling the butterfly bra.
But now … uhm, I’m gonna do it, too, I’m sure.
Kate — Yes, the arm fluttering was the key here, really. It totally sent me over the edge. I can’t think about the whole thing without seeing him do that.
sarahk — Your “gluten-enhanced bobbies.” Hahahahaha! And I had no idea you felt that way about caterpillars. They *are* very chubby and smushy.
NF — It might be the pattern, but I think we girls are wondering if it’s somehow the shape of it, too. Or maybe, uh, it flutters …
Okay, sheila. Your comment went into moderation ’cause of the link. So now I don’t have to Google it myself.
Click at my own risk? Really? Eek.
Okaaay. Here I go.
I cannot get past the spirals. Spirals! Around your boobins!
Hm. I can’t help but think that, on a 75-year-old woman, the spirals would lose their spirally integrity.
Absolutely.
I am more concerned with the SILHOUETTE of the thing. When you have a nice rack, you must be concerned with SILHOUETTE. And spirals I think are not cutting it.
My apologies for leaving a link that would go into moderation. Typical!!
I think that Boheme patron’s MOTHER should go into moderation, Sheila!!!
Don’t feel bad, sheila. All links go into moderation. Not just spirally butterfly brrraas. 😉
Spirals and silhouettes… oy.
I am grateful that Tracey lives by the virtuous maxim, “All links in moderation.”