I’m now talking to myself on Facebook. Here is the actual conversation, copied and pasted here:
ME: Facebook apparently thinks one of the “People I May Know” is Christopher Hitchens. I wish.
You know, perhaps Mr. Hitchens came to Facebook searching desperately, crossing his fingers, hoping against hope that there was someone somewhere in the world named Tracey Credit-Union. Here I am, Mr. Hitchens! Pay no attention to the giant next to me sporting that pesky wedding band!’
*****
Four minutes later:
ME: Okay. It’s too much. Christopher Hitchens is haunting my sidebar. I just saw him on “60 Minutes” again last night and my ardor only deepened. I’m tempted to click “Add as friend” and believe the lie. And that’s what FB is: believing the lie.
*****
Ten minutes later:
ME: Maybe I should change my FB name to “God,” click “Add Christopher Hitchens as a friend,” and see if he friends me back. Since I’m pretty sure I’m NOT God — although I dither on this point — and since I’m pretty sure others, including Mr. Hitchens, can discern this, would he still friend me back if I’m calling myself God?
*****
Four minutes later:
ME: On the other hand, does he just friend anybody? If so, he’s participating in lie of Facebook, right, but he won’t participate in the “lie” of God? Doesn’t one of those two have *potentially* much greater eternal ramifications? Unless the next world is Facebook, Facebook, all the time. (Hello, hell!) I love the man. I do. I’ll listen to him say anything, anytime. I just don’t agree with him on that point.
*****
Two minutes later:
ME: Now he’s definitely not gonna friend me. See? I’m an expert in self-sabotage. Please notice I’ve now spent 20 minutes talking to MYSELF about this. He won’t friend me now because I seem insane.
*****
Three minutes later:
ME: Okay. I should put up the infamous cleavage shot as my profile pic, mention again I believe in God, THEN send the friend request. Someone needs to intervene here. I need some smiting.
*****
Ten minutes later:
ME: Maybe all the people who want Christopher Hitchens to find God are using the wrong approach. I mean, why would someone care what a bunch of saggy men in rumpled suits blather at him during a debate? He needs some hot — smart — chicks taking their tops off and telling him about Jesus.
And, you know, I’m not even drunk.
*****
Eight minutes later:
ME: I’m a moron. I clicked on “Add Christopher Hitchens as a Friend.” I got a little note that said, “Please only send this request if you know Mr. Hitchens personally.” Well, why are you haunting my sidebar then? What givees? You’re cruel, Facebook, messing with an innocent girl’s hopes in that way.
*****
Three minutes later:
ME: To add to my idiocy, I wrote him a note and still clicked on the request. I TOLD you guys I needed smiting. What good are all of youse?? You’re my Facebook frrrrrriends. Friends don’t let friends drive drunk and friends don’t let friends send breathless notes to Christopher Hitchens. Good God.
*****
Three minutes later:
ME: Why isn’t there an “edit” function for FB posts? I wrote “givees” below (ed.: above here). If Christopher Hitchens sees that, he definitely won’t friend me.
Although maybe it makes me sound British.
*****
Eleven minutes later:
ME: At this point, all I will get from Mr. Hitchens is a restraining order.
I don’t blame him one bit.
**************
Please don’t unfriend me, pippa.
Ya know, if ANYONE could bring Hitchens to Christianity, it would be YOU, Tracey, not the bible beaters that probably hound him constantly…
*cackle*
This is just the tip of the iceberg. If anyone gives you a hard time – tell them they are lying if they say they have never thought/done anything goofy and/or a little insane because of Facebook. There’s like an adjustment period. When you first get an account, it SHOULD limit you to signing on once every two to three days for no longer than – so you can acclimate.
I have had people get mad at me for not checking on them because they were home sick all weekend. I was supposed to know because they wrote it on Facebook.
I have had dear girlfriends in the throes of a terrible breakup spend weeks posting statuses that essentially boil down to: “lala! My Life is SO fabulous! And look how – by crazy random happenstance – all my posts also have something to do with many of my ex’s hobbies and/or favorite things which is CERTAINLY not because I am desperate for him to notice me!”
I have had friend requests from people who are friends with a friend of mine but have never met me, which I find awkward. And from people who I know do not particularly like me (which I enjoy because I ignore them with gusto and indignation! Well, in as much as one CAN click a mouse with gusto and indignation).
I have seen full-blown fights over misunderstandings. Over people feeling ignored. Over someone saying hello to an old boyfriend and their significant other seeing it.
And these are the people MY age (30’s or above). Don’t even get me started on the things my college age friends do on Facebook!
My theory is that we are not meant to have or share this much information this readily or this constantly. So our brains and emotional states can’t catch up. So most people go through bouts of social media insanity when first signing up. Don’t judge yourself too harshly… and pace yourself.
Being a seasoned blogger, you will fare FAR better than the less web savvy do.
Marisa — Thank you, hon. You are too kind.
I’m howling over this:
/“lala! My Life is SO fabulous! And look how – by crazy random happenstance – all my posts also have something to do with many of my ex’s hobbies and/or favorite things which is CERTAINLY not because I am desperate for him to notice me!â€/
“Social media insanity.” Hahahahaha.
It IS weird, though, that level of constant information. Part of me craves it and part of me rejects it completely. I’m Jekyll and Hyde about it all.
JFH — Why, thank you. Although I do think it would have to involve being topless.
Marisa – that is so spot ON. Hilarious!!
I was the last person of my group of friends to join Facebook. I did so begrudgingly but then was happy I was there. However, I had been “online” in a public way for literally YEARS when I joined Facebook so … I have boundaries. Boy, do I have boundaries. You need to on the Internet. Those on Facebook who have conception that this is a PUBLIC space and that you are now a public persona – really get into trouble sometimes.
Here’s how I look at Facebook. I am friends with a ton of people – many in real-life, and others are blog-friends – and then many many are people in the film critic crowd whom I have never met, but who I am getting to know solely through Facebook. That is a lot of fun. It’s very TOPIC based. For example, film critics post Youtube clips of movie scenes, or do a day dedicated to someone whose birthday it is – whatever – just like it’s a blog – and the comments are all really fun. Many of these people rarely post anything personal. That’s fine.
I am more open on Facebook than I am on my blog – just because I have found that keeping the blog more professional and topic-driven works better for me. But on Facebook I post pictures of my niece and nephew and chat with my cousins about how cute they are, and nobody bothers me, no stranger comes in and is a total nitpicky buzzkill, as often happens on my blog. I don’t know – it’s weird.
And last week, when my friend died, Facebook really shows what it is for. How it can really work. We were able to communicate with one another, in real-time, all the details – and get the word out to his friends far and wide – which could have been done thru email – but definitely not as easy and seamless as Facebook. It became a public grieving circle for us. And best of all: the people who didn’t know my friend all stayed away from those posts. I didn’t get any people barging in with inappropriate or too-familiar comments or telling me that my friend was now “dancing with the Angels” or whatever bullsh** I’ve gotten on my blog – It was just me and my group of friends, coordinating transportation to the wake, posting pictures of our friend, and keeping in communication during a traumatic event. I experienced this in 2009 when my dad died, too. I felt the love of my family hovering around me at all times – in the supportive loving comments from my cousins across the globe – on my Facebook page. It was amazing. I never felt alone.
But there are downsides.
I have a crush on someone right now and we are friends on Facebook and it is VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE to not stalk him. Or, well, I try. I do. But I can’t help checking his page and see what he’s up to or if he posted about us going out, or whatever. It’s so high school!!!
But Marisa is so right: those of us who are used to navigating interpersonal relationships publicly online often have a much easier time dealing with this form of communication – it’s just an extension of what we’ve already been doing.
Marisa – don’t you love those really passive-aggressive status updates?
“If some people would just stop being so selfish, maybe then they could be happy.”
And then there are 20 comments from their friends worrying that this comment was about them.
Unbelievable – and yes, these are people past – way past – the age of 30.
Oh, and my crush stalks me too. He “likes” photos of me – where it’s just me in the photo.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN???
I AM IN HIGH SCHOOL. But then again, everyone is on Facebook.
Hahahahahahaha! I totally know what you mean, Sheila.
I have sat at my computer thinking:
“I’ll just look at his profile page and see what he’s up to. That’s not creepy. I’m just taking an interest…
No. I WON’T look at his profile. I’m not 14. This is ridiculous.
How would I feel if he KNEW I looked at his old photos?
Why would anyone be tagged in photos if they don’t want people to see them?
It’s been 15 minutes. Looking at photos of him for more than 15 minutes will mean I am a creepy stalker. But I didn’t comment on anything. So that means I’m not THAT creepy.
OHMYGOD. I’m a LURKER. I just did the FB version of lurking.
Wait… is that a comment from him on that link I posted…?”
LOL. I then would forbid myself to interact with said guy via social media for the rest of the day as punishment for my 20 minute decent into social media madness.
Every once in a while someone will comment on a photo of me that went up like 4 years ago (I’ve been on Facebook for a while – due to so much theater with college kids, if you don’t join Facebook you can’t see the photos they took of you while you were TRYING to get ready backstage before the show) and it hits me that my friend would have had to wade through 500 plus photos of me from the last few years to get to that old picture. THAT always gives me a bit of a weird feeling.
/I AM IN HIGH SCHOOL. But then again, everyone is on Facebook./
This sums it all up. Exactly.
Oh, and Sheila? I totally think that means he likes you. 🙂
Anytime you want to bring me back to God by showing me your cleavage, go right ahead.
Maybe all we atheists need is proper inspiration.
Marisa – hahahaha Thank you for fanning my high school fires. I totally think he likes me if he’s just “liking” a picture of my damn face! 🙂
I actually am very very thankful that Facebook did not exist when I was in high school. It would have made my crushes even more unbearable if I could have been up to date on EVERYTHING THEY WERE DOING and the conversations they were having with other girls, and blah blah blah.
I don’t think we’re all meant to know such things, anyway! But as a 15 year older, it would have been wayyy too much.
Okay, roo. 😉
LOL!