random snippets

I have nothing to be upset about and that makes me upset.

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Heaven is gonna have to be mindblowing and it’s not gonna be about “really good pizza,” all right?

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(Woman sitting several feet away from us in the diner reeks of smoke. We are engulfed.)

ME: Good Lord. She’s like the Pig Pen of smoking.

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Okay. Getting back to your earlier stupid statement ……

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HE: My coffee reflection makes me look really old.
ME: What?
HE: When I look into my coffee cup and see my reflection in the coffee, I look really old.
ME: You mean, IN the coffee itself?
HE: Yes.
ME: Are you serious?
HE: Yes.
ME: That’s insane. You actually look at your reflection IN your coffee?
HE: Yes.
ME: Nuts. I had no idea.
HE: It’s true. I look terrible.
ME: Okay. This conversation is totally backwards. That sounds like the kind of crap I’m usually spewing.
HE: Well, there you have it.

(pause)

ME: You know, if it’s any consolation, no one’s looking at you through coffee goggles, okay?

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