why i can’t do twitter

“Get short, timely messages from Tracey”?

Seriously?

“Timely”?

“TIMELY”?

What? Like, “Oh, thank God. Tracey tweeted that she ate a PB&J. Phew. Just in the nick of time”?

I can’t hang with that. It’s weird. It’s weird. The use of that word. There’s nothing I’ve ever said in my life that could ever be labeled as timely. Actually, DON’T call anything I say “timely.” I think it just might be code for “boring” but my jury is still out on that. Still, until they come in with a verdict, just get away from me with the “timely” already.

You know what “timely” is? Timely is the reverse 911 calls people in So Cal get when they need to flee their homes immediately or be crisped into ashes by the annual marauding flames. THAT’S some timely useful crap, pippa. Nothing I see on Twitter strikes me as “timely.” Random, yes. Timely, no. And I have NO problem whatsoever with random. My entire blog is random. But don’t call random timely. Don’t do it. Although Twitter has already done it without consulting me and tons of people seem unmoved by how totally damn-ass annoying it is, so who am I in a world full of timely tweets? Well, I’m just some Betty who knows what timely means, that’s who. Damn.

I am disproportionately annoyed by this. It’s the little things that make life unbearable.

So I now basically have a semantics problem with Twitter, annoying fraternal twin to my lingering aesthetics problem with Facebook.

I don’t know. I don’t like feeling like I’m supposed to do something because everyone else is doing it. My entire life, I’ve always been an insanely obstinate holdout that way. (I mean, Poor Perky Bob couldn’t get a lunch date from me.) Maybe it all reminds me of the FOC somehow. Maybe it all makes me feel like I’m just supposed to get with the program, join the ever-expanding Borg. Or maybe I’m just an ass.

That’s always a serious possibility.

But besides all that, I can’t understand the slightest thing that’s going on with any of the Twitter pages I’ve looked at. It’s like watching a movie where the audio skips. There are all kinds of micro conversations that no one but the people involved can even follow. And that’s the thing. I don’t think you can “enjoy” Twitter unless you’re part of Twitter and Crackie hates that kind of stuff. I can enjoy a baseball game without being on the team, but nope. Not with Twitter.

You have to be on Team Timely and I don’t wanna.

Okay. Something’s wrong. My crankypants are getting REAL tight.

I’ll be back later sporting a nice mellow muu-muu, I swear.

40 Replies to “why i can’t do twitter”

  1. Twitter takes self-absorption to a whole new level, a level where every stupid thought you have, every inane action you take, is worthy of a public announcement.

    I hate Twitter. And I’m not even feeling cranky today.

  2. Well, I know people who do Twitter. It’s not the doing of Twitter that bugs me; it’s the format, I think. With a blog, I can do what I want and there aren’t too many constraints in place. Twitter and FB seem to have so many constraints. How long a message is. What your page looks like. I don’t know. It feels controlling to me.

    I don’t really GET it. And I don’t think I multi-task well enough to tweet and blog and FB.

  3. Nah, it’s the doing. Please note that you only write about interesting, moving, whimsical or deep and serious stuff. Not that you had a PB sammich.
    But you have a point- none of the above is possible on Twitter. Thought gnats- that’s all.

  4. I like Twitter but I use it primarily for library-field-related stuff. That said, I did get a librarian blog/twitterfriend to follow Sheila based on their mutual love of Dean!Stockwell!!!

    Still a Facebook holdout because (A) the privacy breaches bug the heck outta me and (B) I’m convinced something better is right around the corner.

  5. Sal — Thanks for your kind words.

    You know, I’m reluctant to say that it’s just the doing. I mean, know and like so many people who DO tweet and seem to enjoy tweeting. Me, I just don’t like the format and I do think you need to be a tweeter yourself to enjoy it. Someone can read blogs and not blog himself, but Twitter seems to require mutual participation.

    And as insane as it sounds, the “timely” thing really does bug me.

  6. Kate P — But if you “follow” someone, do you have to join? See how I denounce without knowledge? I LOVE that about myself!

    FB, yeah. Privacy. Although I now assume that the people who can easily be found on FB WANT to easily be found.

  7. I like Twitter. To me, it’s like a News Feed with the most interesting people I know providing links to cool topics. I’ve found a lot of cool things thru Twitter. So no, I don’t find it self-absorbed. I totally disagree with the “self-absorption” comment. I find Facebook far more self-absorbed, since that is more of a social “here is what I did today” experience. I like FB too. But I really kicked in with Twitter when I started following people who were all about the LINKS and providing links. Some are funny, some informative – whatever. Not sharing or personal stuff, but LINKS. I use it like an RSS feed.

    I follow places like the Brooklyn Academy of Music and the Film Forum here in New York so I know what’s playing there, what’s coming up – instead of going to their websites, which I sometimes forget to do. I LOVE it for stuff like that.

    But you are right on that Twitter cannot be enjoyed unless you are actually on Twitter. I myself am on Twitter and every time I sign on, it’s like stepping into a fastly-moving river. I have to just jump in. I no longer have any worries about “catching up’, because there are only so many hours in the day. But I use it first of all as a blog-roll now – where my favorite bloggers post links to what they just wrote – but also an unfurling real-time News feed. I still get News elsewhere, but that’s primarily how I use Twitter. I find it really valuable in that respect.

  8. And I think your observation is right on, tracey – that it does require mutual participation. I didn’t really GET that until I had been on Twitter for, like, 2 months. Even when I had joined, I couldn’t really get what the big deal was, or what the heck I was doing on there in the first place.

    Originally I was following a lot of people who Tweeted things like, “My cat is annoying me!” or “I stubbed my toe, OUCH” but finally I realized what this format was good for (at least for me) and I got rid of following those people – and now I follow people/organizations who provide links. I don’t need to know that so-and-so struggles with insomnia. If I’m interested, I’m probably already reading their blog – but getting real-time updates about personal life is tiresome.

    But the news and the links? Twitter has very very quickly become incorporated into my life because of how it operates.

  9. Tracey – you could “follow” someone on Twitter without being on Twitter yourself – the pages are not private at all. So you could just Bookmark the page of, say, the CrankyPantsDaily or whatever, and see what they were linking to, talking about. Anyone can see the pages (or – that’s not true – you can also make the entire thing password-protected).

  10. sheila — Now see? I didn’t know all that stuff. Thanks. When I just observe, as I’ve said, I don’t really understand entirely what’s going on. It makes sense to me to use it as a news feed. Makes total sense. I’d never considered it that way. I was hoping someone on Twitter would come along and share some thoughts about it, so thank you.

    So here’s a question: If a Twitterer (is that what it is??) comments on something someone else tweeted, how come I can’t click on that link to see what the original comment was? Do you know what I mean? It just takes me to original commenter’s Twitter page, not the actual comment that’s being responded to.

  11. Tracey – I think there are many different ways to use it. Some people just Tweet what they had for breakfast, but I don’t really follow people like that, others do links. I also have gotten a ton of new readers by posting my own links on Twitter. To me, it feels more business-y than personal – like anyone who is a journalist or a writer MUST have a Twitter feed now. You really have to. It is a business tool, a great one. For example, I love Dave Kehr’s DVD columns in the NY Times. But I forget sometimes when they go up, and instead of having to periodically go to the NY Times site and scan for new content, I “follow” him on Twitter so I always know what he’s written about and can go back to it easily when I have time.

    And to your second point. Hmmm, trying to picture what you’re talking about. I know they did a redesign with Twitter recently (maybe to drive clicks up?) and I’m not happy with it. You used to be able to click on someone’s name and go immediately to their page. Now a little sidebar opens up and you have to click on THAT to get to the original comment. At least that’s been my experience with the “New Twitter”. Maybe some other Twitter-philes can speak to that. I’ve found it rather confusing. Harder to follow conversations.

  12. Oh, and just to add: There is nothing wrong with putting up Tweets about your insomnia, your cat, your life. Lots of people stay connected with others that way, and it’s easier for them than running a blog or whatever. Everyone has their reasons. It’s just that I, personally, don’t want to read it – especially if you put up 30 Tweets a day, because then that clogs up what is, for me, a News Feed.

    I “followed” a son of a good friend of mine who is a 13 year old political junkie. I love him, he’s a great kid. But I had to “unfollow” him because he had basically programmed the entirety of CNN and Fox to be Re-Tweeted through him. hahahaha He’s such a cutie, and I love talking about politics with him, but I would wake up and find, literally, 175 Tweets already – which, naturally, makes my News Feed completely unreadable. I felt bad, but had to “unfollow” him. No hard feelings!

  13. “…a lot of people who Tweeted things like, “My cat is annoying me!” or “I stubbed my toe, OUCH”…”Some people just Tweet what they had for breakfast.”

    Call me crazy, but that seems really self absorbed to me. It’s not exactly a private IM to friends, is it? It’s there for anyone who happens across it to read, right? Isn’t it a little narcissistic to think that people care about your cat, your toe, or your breakfast?

    Yes, I suck at cocktail party conversation too.

    Maybe I’m just not cut out for Twitter. I want to know what people are thinking about, what amuses them, and what they find informative, but I haven’t come across a Twitter feed that doesn’t annoy me. When someone whose blog I follow devotedly tweets “Nobody makes me bleed my own blood.” and that’s ALL the tweet says, I’m left wanting a reference, wanting to know the point, and feeling frustrated. And cranky.

    Maybe I’m reading the wrong sort of Twitter feeds. Or maybe I really am wearing major cranky pants after all.

  14. Ramdom Thoughts – did you read the rest of my comments?

    Yes, you are wrong about Twitter feeds if you only see them in that one way. There are many ways to use it and that “self-absorbed” way is one way. But it’s become an effective business-tool as well as information-dispenser, and that’s how I use it.

  15. I’m glad Sheila stepped in. I “tweet” (gaaaah) and I use it in pretty much the same way she does. I follow almost all of the blogs I read daily, and — from looking at my feed while I type this — I follow a LOT of stand-up comedians. Weird! I also follow CNN and Fox, and, because it’s ME, E!Online.

    I’ve found it better to use a Twitter app instead of the website. On my computer here at work I use Twhirl and on my phone (a Blackberry) I use UberTwitter. (Which you HAVE to say in a Sgt. Schultz accent. You HAVE to.) Twhirl runs automatically on my PC, and pops up with new tweets. I love it. I wish UberTwitter took you to your last unread tweet like it used to, but that’s no biggie.

    I only follow about 200 people. I’m someone who HAS to read every tweet (that’s just me, though) and if I followed thousands of people, I’d explode.

    I’ve started unfollowing people, usually celebs, who only retweet tweets about themselves. Grizz and DotCom from 30Rock were the worst. Unfollow! And people who constantly tweet? (I’m looking at you, Kanye.) Unfollow!
    But Steve Martin? Michael Ian Black? They are hilarious. I love following them.

  16. RT — It sounds like the whole idea doesn’t appeal to you and I think that’s fine. I mean, it’s just not going to appeal to everyone. So far, it hasn’t really appealed to me. I guess what I’m trying to say — not too well, I don’t think — is that the format has bothered me or I just haven’t understood it. So in that regard, I’m grateful that Sheila and Lisa have come in and told me how they use Twitter — literally, in ways that never occurred to me. Honestly, I thought that Twitter really was just “OMG, my cat has diarrhea” or something, but Sheila and Lisa have nicely (thank you) shown me a different way to look at it.

    I think whether it’s self-absorbed is dependent on content.

    (Says the girl with the self-absorbed personal blog.)

    sheila — An example of what I’m trying to say about Twitter:

    On your Twitter page right now there’s a …. tweet that says “@thepioneerwoman Either is correct. I use “grey”. To me, it just looks nicer.”

    If I click on the link, it takes me to her page, but it doesn’t take me to the actual tweet that generated your comment. Granted, it’s right near the top — for now — but sometimes you have to scroll and scroll to find the reference. I’m just wondering why Twitter can’t make it so a tweet referencing someone else’s tweet can’t take you directly to that tweet. And that sentence just made my head explode.

    Am I making any more sense? Maybe it’s a stupid question. I don’t know.

    I agree with you about “grey,” btw.

  17. Tracey – Oh. Right. Yes, that is an example of an ongoing “conversation”, where you would need to follow along. She basically put up a question early this morning, kind of funny, saying, “Do you spell the color between black and white ‘grey’ or ‘gray’?” But you would have to search for her original question in order to see that particular conversation. That’s the part of Twitter that I try to let slide, unless I myself am in a conversation – and then it just feels like I am IM-ing with someone. So that would be definitely annoying if you weren’t “in” on the conversation. Very often, I do see that a conversation is going on between two people that I want to go back and see how it started – so I just go to whoever’s page, and go back to find the beginning of it. Maybe the best way to think about those types of Twitter convos is to think of it like a message board, with different “threads” running.

    If you go to the Pioneer Woman’s Twitter feed and go back in her “Tweets” to this morning (and she doesn’t “Tweet” that much, maybe 3 times a day) – you will see her original question about how to spell grey/gray.

    But I’m with Lisa: why I use Twitter is not for those little conversations. It’s for the links and the information. Oh, and for the hilarious celebs – Steve Martin is great, and Mickey Rourke’s Tweets are so funny it’s like a piece of ongoing performance art.

    But like I said: I use it now for organizations where I want to know what’s going on (Tribeca Film Festival, the IFC Theatre here in New York, Brooklyn Academy of Music – it’s like having my own little newsletter all compiled FOR me of activities I want to check out or at least have on my radar).

  18. Lisa – and yes, I agree: People who Tweet too much then sort of fill up your entire News Feed – I unfollow those people. Kanye! Ha!!! Yes, he probably never puts his blackberry down.

    Another guy I follow who is really funny is Josh Groban. Who knew? Very dry wit. And he’s not just promoting himself. They are funny and observational.

  19. Oh and Tracey – hahahaha The very definition of blogging is self-absorbed. That’s why I love it. People show up to hear what I have to say about … my day at the beach? What I thought of a movie? I love that! I have people who read me who want to just show up and chat, and I’m like the leader of a discussion group, and it gives me a grossly over-estimated sense of my own self-importance, which clearly is what I am all about.

    Lisa: I know not of what you speak with Twitter-Whirl-a-gig or whatever it is. Should I have that? Will it work on a Mac? Help me!!

  20. Note: Sheila and I are tweeting each other RIGHT NOW.

    I don’t know if Twhirl works on a Mac. I *tried* TweetDeck (more like TweetDRECK) but I couldn’t figure it out. So I just fiddle-farted around with different Twitter apps, and landed on Twhirl.

  21. Oh, and about the “conversation,” you also have to be following both Sheila AND Ree to see the whole conversation as it happens. If you only follow Sheila, and not Ree, you’re only going to see Sheila’s side. I think.

  22. And (after this, I’ll shut up) you don’t HAVE to do all the hashtag games like SarahK does. Those tend to get BIG, like the #sadchildrensbooks one, and they can be overwhelming. I know Sarah likes them, and I’ve participated in some myself, but you kinda have to be on your laptop to keep up, and I’m almost always tweeting on my phone when I’m at home.

  23. Lisa – yes, I’ve participated in some of those too – but like you said, it’s like a self-filtering system. What do I want to deal with, and what do I don’t? Sometimes I jump into the game, and they’ve been a lot of fun, but other times, I just ignore what I don’t want to get into, and pay attention to what I like.

    Tracey, the “hashtags” are what sometimes show up at the end of people’s Tweets – and they act sort of like “categories”, which is a group game that everyone on Twitter can play and participate in. I participated in the #sadchildrensbooks one, so for example my Tweet for that looked like this: Charlotte’s Web of Deceit and Treachery #sadchildrensbooks. Kind of funny, right? So if the other people you are “following” are also playing, then you can see what they come up with. It’s creative, it’s silly, it’s fun.

    I have to be in the mood for it, but that’s true of any online group event. You filter out what you don’t want to deal with, and read what you do want to deal with.

  24. Twhirl makes it all better. If you see that someone tweeted at someone else, there’s a “in reply to” link. You clik on that and it takes you to the original tweet.

    You should be on twitter just to read @buttercupflem’s tweets, if nothing else. 😉

  25. Sarah – I’ve been reading them, they are hysterical! I love the one about the Social Security card.

    Okay, let me look into Twhirl, Twitter Goddess. You are most of the reason that I got into it in the first place!! 🙂

  26. Sheila, I really should have seen some Twitter feeds that do what you describe, “…why I use Twitter is not for those little conversations. It’s for the links and the information.” I’ve never encountered that sort of thing (honestly, I fled the entire medium after reading a third or fourth “cat has a hairball” comment). If I’d known about the whole info and linkage element, I probably would have developed an appreciation instead of a loathing for Twitter.

  27. RT – well, like any new-fangled media, it is what you make of it. That’s the funnest part about it. You have to filter out what bores you – but that’s true of anything nowadays. I read a lot of blogs where some posts interest me, some don’t. Do I leave comments on the posts that don’t interest me, saying, “man, THIS DOESN’T INTEREST ME?” No, I do not. I filter. All by myself. I go to a blog and scan the new posts, thinking, ‘I’m into that, so I will read THAT”. There are some writers who are so damn good that I would read their grocery lists (Tracey is one of them. So is Kim Morgan. So is Jason Bellamy. So is Cara Ellison. Jim Emerson. The Self-Styled Siren. But for me, there are only a few.) I don’t need to “filter” with those people. I read it all, because of the pleasure of reading their writing. Now many people do leave comments about how BORED they are with the content on this or that post on my site, but I get enough regular traffic and commenters that I certainly don’t worry about such whiners as THEM. They don’t know how to filter. Or to scroll down, apparently.

    A lot of people I “follow” do, on occasion, Tweet about their personal lives. So do I. I don’t know. I just don’t get all irritated and outraged about it, because the world is not set up to make me happy. I just skim over what doesn’t interest me. Seems pretty simple.

    Twitter is pretty fast-paced which is the bad thing about it for me – it’s more difficult to “filter” with Twitter than it is with Facebook – but again, I use it for different reasons than I use my own blog or Facebook.

  28. That’s exactly it, Sheila. Take what you need from it and leave the rest.

    Oddly enough, I have one librarian friend I met at a workshop and all we exchanged were Twitter usernames. So we sometimes do have some back-and-forth exchanges, especially when she’s talking about her schoolwork for her grad degree. And sometimes she tweets about what’s going on at her library while she’s working (must be nice not to have Twitter blocked!) which is interesting to me.

    One interesting thing that happened on Twitter is that I knew there was an earthquake in DC one morning before my sister (who lives there) knew what it was.

  29. sheila — Okay. I now feel myself succumbing to Twitter.

    You and Lisa may very well have worked your voodoo.

    But I’d need a full name, right? For Twitter? Hm.

  30. I don’t tweet. I don’t facebook. I blog, which is apparently sadly behind the times, but at least allows time and space for reflection and maybe even honest, interesting ideas to percolate.

    I don’t understand how people have time for these things.

  31. Roo – I couldn’t do without my blog! I know many people who have sort of let their blogs slide, because of their time on Twitter or Facebook – but I need that space to reflect, with NO WORD COUNT. I relate!

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