My fake foray into Facebook continues apace.
On a related note: I hate myself for it. I do. You probably hate me for it too, just don’t say so to me, ‘mkay? I think there’s something vaguely despicable about it, although I’m undecided if it crosses over into completely despicable territory. Deciding between “vaguely despicable” and “completely despicable” is not high on my To Do list right now.
So I have this vaguely despicable fake identity on FB. All I did was sign up. I’ve done nothing to “my” FB page. Without checking, I don’t even remember what my FB name IS. I know I’ve changed it several times, as if I’m trying to hit on just the right name for a character in a novel. Insanity cannot ever be ruled out with me is what I’m really saying here.
But can I just say this? Consarnit all with the precious Care Bear Christians on FaceBook. I talked about this in a related post here, but I’m now discovering a plethora of Christians –many of whom I know — who do nothing but quote scripture and speak in platitudes on their FB pages, AND IT BUGS ME. I assume these people really want to “touch other people” or something and that’s why they do it. They want to “make a difference” in the lives of others. They’d never talk to a known gay person or drink a beer — God forbid! — but they’d mechanically quote verses on their FB pages in hopes of earning extra Jesus points. They think that people are moved, deeply moved, by the fact that they just “liked” some FB page called “Mommy’s (sic) for Jesus Christ.” (I swear, I’m going to join this damn group just to correct their grammar and spelling. Honestly, mommy’s.)
I’ve seen Christians on FB warn each other: “Don’t drink, just spend time with Jesus!”
And “exhort” each other: “This week’s gonna be a bummer.” “Oh, well, ‘consider it all joy,’ you know.”
And scold each other: “Uh, LANGUAGE ALERT!”
Uhm, precious? Shut up. Seriously. Do you talk this way to one another in person? Do you? I’m all for knowing scripture. I know scripture, but I avoid prancing around in my real life spouting it in people’s faces. Mainly because I’m too busy prancing around naked. (Just seeing if you’re listening.) Look. I am not the vicar. Or the vicar’s wife. So I keep my vicary thoughts to myself. Or use them as sex talk. (You’re listening, right?) And, Crackie, if you don’t randomly spout scripture in person, why are you doing so on FB? And if you truly are an inspirational coffee mug in person? Well, that explains your presence on FB, I guess. It’s the only place that will have you. It’s funny. I find that MB and I don’t generally quote scripture or talk in bumper stickers to each other in our daily life.
How would that play out anyway?
HE: Babe, I had a horrible day.
ME: Bummer. Well, ‘delight yourself in the Lord,’ peaches.
*****
ME: I look hideous.
HE: Yeah, well, ‘Jesus wept,” you know.
*****
HE: I’m really worried about X.
ME: Yeah, hon? Remember ‘life is fragile, handle with prayer,’ ‘mkay?
KAPOW, KAPOW, KAPOW!
All right, Facebook Christians. Enough already with being an amateur preacher or a walking bumper sticker. Be a real person. Say real things. Say honest things. Say faith is hard because it is. Say faith takes courage because it does. Say sometimes you’re just disappointed with God. Say sometimes he pisses you off. Say sometimes you don’t understand anything anymore. Say sometimes you wonder if it’s worth it. Say sometimes you want to chuck it all and walk away. Because as far as I’m concerned, if you’ve never come to those places in your faith, you haven’t thought that much about your faith. You haven’t really turned it over and over and over in your mind. You haven’t thought about deep things; you think only what you are told to think. You haven’t really held your faith to the fire for fear that it will burn to ash. Bottom line, you really don’t have much faith in your Faith. So you live on autopilot and quote what you’ve learned but have never considered and tell people about rules but not about grace and you share a scripture but don’t know its context and you’re fake fake fake.
Enough.
Sometimes, it really pains me to realize that I am on Team Christian and that Christians are the Chargers. The Padres! The Seahawks! The Lions!
Don’t believe me? Here are some actual recent FB postings from the people on my team. MY team!
“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26
Okay. Uh, great. Thank you for the benediction. Do you have anything else to say?
I am so thankful for the love of God. I’m excited to worship with my brothers and sisters tomorrow.
Well, mazeltov. You obviously didn’t go to Not On Your Life Cult, er, Church.
Here’s a thought: “Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10
Here’s a thought: How ’bout an original thought?
You know, I’m starting to wonder if I’m too much of a crankypants to be a Christian. Does Jesus love the crankypants among us? Maybe I just don’t have the proper team spirit. Maybe I need to get on board here. Be more of a bumper sticker. Be more Quotey McBiblepants. I hate being the outsider. Just jump on the Precious Moments Bandwagon, Trace. I mean, I want to touch people’s lives. I want to make a difference. I want to be inspirational.
So, okay. Here’s my verse to touch your heart today:
But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. Genesis 38:9
Have a shiny Jesus face day, pippa.
ME: I look hideous.
HE: Yeah, well, ‘Jesus wept,†you know.
That brought me joy (in the form of laughter) after a very difficult day… SO DON’T TELL ME QUOTING VERSES DOESN’T HELP PEOPLE!!
“Don’t drink, just spend time with Jesus!â€
What, I can’t do both?! Ummm, you “Christians” do remember that the first miracle Jesus performed was turning water into wine, right?!
When did drinking become a sin?
Tips for handling facebook:
1) Realize it’s a virtual class reunion or family reunion. You’ll chat more in depth with some people, look at some pictures, move on with your life.
2) Realize that you don’t have to comment on or “like” anything posted. It’s possible to hide all the games, the game requests, the pokes, the verse of the day applications, the hearts, etc. I would guess the people quoting those verses signed up for an application that automatically generates a “verse for the day” and posts it. They aren’t doing any thinking about it, which makes their crime that much worse. 😉
3) If someone is really offensive with language (Scripture or otherwise) unfriend them or block them or take them off your news feed, but don’t get on their page and go parental on them. That’s like a dressing down in front of friends and doesn’t go over any better in cyberspace than in real life.
4) Use it the way YOU want to, not the way others do. FB can easily become information overload, but you have much more control here than, say in the grocery store aisle, escape is only a click away! 😉
Don’t give up yet. You may like it better as your nephews fly the nest. I use it a lot to stay in touch with extended family.
So, I’m thinking your FB name has Pippa or Peaches in it somewhere? lol
MT — Good tips. But, honestly, I don’t actually interact with FB. I click around and find people who allow themselves to be found, I guess. I’m not on there that much at all. I don’t friend anyone or ask to be friended. No one would even know me!
I don’t know if things will change when Elder Nephew goes off to college. Maybe. And what college kid doesn’t want his old fusty aunt commenting on his FB page?
JFH — I know. The drinking admonition really bugged me. I immediately had a couple of glasses of wine just to say nyyyahhh to this person.
Please. Is that who you want to be??? Even Jesus rolls his eyes.
I’m glad my inspirational quote helped you, JFH. Hahahaha.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure Jesus came for the crankypants among us. 🙂
And yes, I agree with you – I have a few friends who do this and it is annoying as heck. (Language alert!)
MamaTod is right – some of these things are just verse o’ the day kind of things.
The other thing is,though, people use FB statuses for a number of different purposes, and it varies person to person. Honestly, I’ve been in a very weird place theologically for a few weeks now, but it’s not something I can really talk about with anyone, like, at all. So I’ve been doing some vaguebooking, just as an outlet for all this stuff I’m feeling. Which means lots of music videos on my page right now that are meaningful to me. Which you’d probably hate, but it’s my only way to “tell” people, without actually telling them, you know? So, people can deal with it, at least until I get my head – and my heart – straightened out…
oh tracey…..your cranky pants self makes me smile ! actually it made me laugh out loud. thanks….it’s been sort of a crappy day here.
I’m sure there are quite a few FB fan pages related to that, uh, “touching” verse, T.
Katie — I bet I’d like your music videos. I like your phrase “vaguebooking.” I’d much prefer that, I think, than people who seem to be consciously trying to be meaningful and impactful. Just be yourself. Why have a FB page if you’re not going to have it reflect who you are? Some of the Christian FB pages have a very out to impress kind of feel. I don’t know if they think they’re impressing me or God or both, but I want it to stop.
And WHAT is with all the freaking hearts?
“Yummy gave me a Summer Heart.”
“Fancy gave me a Loving Family Heart.
“My heart is beating at 3 beats a minute.”
Really? Three beats a minute? You’re DEAD. I don’t get it. Why is everyone giving everyone hearts?? What does it mean? What makes them beat? Why do they all beat so slowly? What is the point??
DAMN, I’m cranky. Someone give me a loving heart RIGHT NOW.
Kate P — Well, it is a very under-quoted verse, in my opinion. 😉
I always think of Jesus as having a good sense of humor. Because, you know, he went through a lot. And that takes faith and commitment. But I think it also takes a sense of humor. In which case, he thinks your crankypants diatribes are awesome.
I do block people from my newsfeed on FB who I LIKE in person and who seem like complete morons on FB. Or who share too much. Or whatever. So that I can continue to like them, I just have them blocked from my newsfeed.
It IS a great way to stay in touch with out of town people. And every once in a while I use it to locate an old friend. I’m also talking to some of my cousins more often than I might otherwise and it’s great for sharing family photos. But I block all of the activities (farming? what??) and try not to overdo it.
Super fun times? Getting to see all the photos your nephew’s new college friends post of him on facebook.
I’m personally fond of Galatians 6:11 – “See with what large letters I have written to you, with my own hand!”
St. Paul is deep, yo.
Marisa – I have the same thing with certain people on FB. Either their Status updates are aggressive and toxic – who knew one of my cousins was in such a rage 24/7?? – I love him dearly, but I’ve blocked him, I can’t deal with seeing him ranting and raving at me in update after update – then there are some people who seem to have no personality outside of Obama bashing. I like some of these people, but I block them from my newsfeed because their Status Updates bore me. I don’t read blogs that bore me, so I don’t want people coming right into my house (ie: my FB page) and boring me to my face. Again: these are people I like. I can like them without wanting to read that stuff.
Not to mention all of the games that some people play on FB, the Mafia Wars and Farmville – Until I figured out that I didn’t need to see all that stuff in my own newsfeed, I was much more turned off of FB. It felt like boring and relentless over-sharing of minutia. Someone save me from Farmville! Once I figured out that I could “hide” things with one click, the whole experience got much nicer – and not so much like hanging out with a bunch of spammers.
I’ve got the hang of it now, though. I see people I want to see, I see applications I don’t mind seeing, and it’s a great way to stay in touch with long-distance friends.
It is annoying when someone “requests” my friendship – and immediately upon accepting, they start inviting me to things, and sending me a kiss, and suggesting I be a fan of something … I’ve accepted people’s frienship requests, only then to block them IMMEDIATELY following due to their spam-like behavior.
and again: THESE ARE FRIENDS.
Of course I think you are talking about a different issue here than FB itself. You’re talking about a certain kind of Christian, but yes, a lot of the things you describe are par for the course FB behavior, and you have to block people who do that, or “hide” them. I am sure there are still people out there blowing me kisses and sending me a chocolate cupcake, but I have no way of knowing since I’ve “hidden” them from sight. Buh bye.
Sorry, tracey, but you’re seeing a meh part of Facebook and not seeing the absolute WORST thing about Facebook: Cryptic status messages.
DRAMA QUEEN: This day is the worst day ever.
FRIEND#1: Oh no! What happened? Are you ok?
FRIEND#2: Hey, call me if you need anything.
FRIEND#3: I’m calling you to make sure you’re ok.
FRIEND#4: I hope everything is ok. Do you want to talk about it?
DQ: See what I mean, FRIEND#3? [They’ve apparently had their phone convo.]
So annoying. OR:
DRAMA QUEEN: I feel invisible.
FRIEND#1: Why?
(No response.)
GRR. I have LOTS of FB friends who do this. Throw cryptic messages up there and then ignore all comments and don’t respond when people are genuinely concerned or ask for more info. They’re usually messages meant for people who aren’t even on FB, so they put them on FB so they can get other people intrigued. Eventually, the friends stop asking and just roll their eyes or hide that friend in the feed. “Oh, that’s just DQ being a drama queen again. Don’t encourage her.”
sarahk – Oh, I hate those too! I kind of want to put up a cryptic status message just to see the response I get. Maybe we should do it together.
sheila — /who knew one of my cousins was in such a rage 24/7??/
Hahahahahaha.
He’s not in a rage at YOU, is he??
/I am sure there are still people out there blowing me kisses and sending me a chocolate cupcake, but I have no way of knowing since I’ve “hidden†them from sight. Buh bye./
See what I’m missing? That’s all I want to do now — send you kisses and chocolate cupcakes and make you castrate bulls on my Farmville Farm.
Nothing like castrating an imaginary bull.
No, my cousin isn’t in a rage at me – he’s mad at everything. He’s this sweet guy, but his FB statuses are all RAGEBOY and he sounds like Eminem, or Dr. Dre, railing about the cops and “the man”, and basically all of my other cousins have blocked him. This is too funny: his sister (my cousin as well, of course – she’s the one you pointed out in the photos I posted of the flag football game in my backyard at Thanksgiving? the pretty brunette?) Anyway, she left a comment on his FB page that said, “These feelings should be kept inside where they belong.”
hahahaha My grandmother (rest in peace) would be proud. She’s only 19 but she gets that whole Irish thing already.
“Yay for you for having raging feelings about the cop who pulled you over for driving 90 miles an hour in a school zone. Repress those feelings like the rest of the family and everyone will be much happier.”
Tracey, My kids LIKE their AUNTS to comment on their pages occasionally, it’s their MOM they prefer to remain silent. heh Their friends don’t mind me though so I think I’m not all that bad.
sheila — /“These feelings should be kept inside where they belong.â€/
Hahahahahaha. She’s wise beyond her years.
MT — It’s good to know that.
sheila, your cousin! So funny she said that!
The other day I posted something about how much I hate cryptic status messages, and ever since then my #1 drama queen has been much more detailed and specific with her statuses. WIN!
I felt totally EMPOWERED to post constant YoVille updates after I learned other people could block them. I have several friends who play with me who use the statuses to “click through” and receive rewards. My YoVille friends can see my fancy yacht and perfect life (um, on YoVille) but need the “update” to get extra stuff like energy and puzzle pieces to add to their collection.
It’s the smoochy-perfect status updates I can’t STAND, though.
I have a FB friend who was a roommate of mine in college. She is always posting Bible verses and how wonderful life is. It annoys me, but she was that way in college too. Really, I think it’s another way for people to hide behind the crap that’s going on in life or maybe pretend that all is going well.
I also have another FB friend who posts a lot about her grievances against her husband. That annoys me too.
For me, I’ve gone back and forth with FB. It’s been good to reconnect with people. But then I wonder if I’ve really reconnected. I’m “friends” with people that I’ve known over the years, but our friendship has grown any stronger because of FB. But then I have friends and family that I’m currently in touch with where FB has just been another avenue to stay connected in a positive way.
I kind of think of it as being very similar to the whole idea of wishing you knew what people were really thinking… and then realizing that would be TERRIBLE.
Kathi — I can definitely see the mixed bag of the whole thing.
Marisa — Hahahahahahaha.
And your verse you posted??? It reminded me of one of my favorite friends in college who stole a mannequin from one of the other residents and sent ransom pictures from “The Fanatical Sons of Onan.” They weren’t very well received by some at our Christian college. But some of us loved them very much!
Kathi — Hahahahahahaha!! The Fanatical Sons of Onan!!!