Wow. Okay. Major rain delays at Ye Olde US Open/The Best Thing Ever Championships.
Also a maaaaaajor upset.
The results:
Ilsa’s Big Hat
US Open Women’s Player: Caroline Wozniacki DEN
bogarted the finals from
Shank Jogger
US Open Women’s Player: Yanina Wickmayer BEL
Boo-bye, Shank Jogger.
AND ….. in the day’s major upset …..
The Royal Slattern
US Open Women’s Player: Kim Clijsters BEL
stormed da castle of …..
More Horrible Slatterns
US Open Women’s Player: Serena Williams USA
And boo-bye to you, too, More Horrible Slatterns. (Williams Shmilliams.)
So the final tomorrow — weather permitting — looks like THIS:
The Royal Slattern
US Open Women’s Player: Kim Clijsters BEL
VS
Ilsa’s Big Hat
US Open Women’s Player: Caroline Wozniacki DEN
Phew. The game mistress is worn out from waiting for all this to go down.
Good luck and good final, pippa!
Yeah, Rick, I lost but I got the girl. You and Renault make a lovely couple, though. See you at the next French Open. We’ll always have Paris.
Being the gentleman that I am, I like to wait for de big loser to give the sad boo-bye before I rub salt in the loser wound.
I donna s’pose you coulda speed things up, More Horrible Slatterns? Es time for your closeup.
That was me. Inigo Montoya.
A’ight, More Horrible Slatterns. I gave you time.
There once was a time in this business when you had the eyes of the whole world! But that wasn’t good enough for you, oh no! You had to have the ears of the whole world too. So you opened your big mouth and out came those ridiculously loud grunts. Grunt! HAH-AHHHHN!
But your play in our match? Oh, I’m sorry, Ms. Slatterns, I just didn’t think it was any good. I found it flat and trite. Your whole play seemed to have been stricken with a kind of creeping paralysis – out of beat with the rest of the tennis world, crumbling apart in slow motion.
Look. There’s nothing tragic about being 28. Not unless you’re trying to be 18.
Oops! I screwed up. Karen, who is Sunset Boulevard/More Horrible Slatterns, emailed me to say her Boo-Bye speech kept disappearing into nowhere — so she gave me the speech. I posted it as me, Tracey, without an explanation. I need to post it again, but it’s Karen’s speech. Let me do this again. I’m a bad game mistress.
Sorry, Karen. I don’t know what keeps happening to your comment! ACK! Sorry!
Boo-Bye sent in by Karen, posted by moi, your game mistress, due to technical difficulties:
/I AM big. It’s the BALLS that got small./
hahahahaha!
sarahk — Hahahaha. I know.
Good job on the Boo-Bye, Karen!