a “festivus for the rest of us”

Last night, in our ongoing search for dazzling, inspiring Christmas “shing,” we found this touching, seasonal display at one nearby house:

The scene featured Mary and Joseph gazing adoringly at Baby Jesus in the manger, the stately wise men bearing their gifts, shepherds lingering nearby, and then, of course, good ol’ SANTA, elves in tow, mouth open and ho-ho-ho-ing, presenting the Baby Jesus with a crummy, duddy CANDY CANE. But methinks this seculo-spiritual, holiday stew is missing something. I mean, why stop there? Let’s just round up a few of the people we worship MOST — some almost as real as Santa — and have us a genuwine, holiday hoodang. Just for starters: Where’s Britney Spears? Couldn’t she stop by and squeak (or, at least, lipsync) a chorus of “Santa, baby,” simultaneously honoring Santa and Baby? Or perhaps she’s preoccupied with nuptials — again? But, hey, couldn’t Julia Roberts drop by with her new twins, “Hazel” and “Phinnaeus,” presenting proof of the blessed birth the world has REALLY been waiting for this holiday season — and certainly outstripping poor Santa’s lousy gift? Or where’s Donald Trump in this? Shouldn’t he be there, robbing the wise man of his gold and shouting “You’re fired!” at Santa for underperforming his task by offering Jesus one measley, cruddy candy cane?

Now that would be a scene to warm and soften the coldest, hardest, Grinchiest, Scroogiest heart, wouldn’t it?

What’s that? All that worship and your deepest longings are STILL unfulfilled, you say?

Hmmm …. don’t know why.

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