inaugural survey

Just put this together in honor of the day:

(Copy and paste into comments — thankee)

1. What are you wearing for today’s inauguration? Better yet, WHO are you wearing?

2. If you are the new president, what do you feel is the ideal length for your inauguration speech?

3. What is/was on the menu for your personal inaugural lunch today?

4. You are now president. You’re at the ball tonight, first dance. Will you waltz or just shuffle your feet in a slow dance like a junior high kid? Look. I don’t judge.

5. You’re President Obama. How do you solve a problem like Oprah Winfrey?

6. With which former president do you express a kinship? You have to express a kinship, you know.

7. Please tell me what happens when you, as the new president, need to use the bathroom today. Do you even get to? Do you just dehydrate yourself so you won’t have to? Where do you go to the bathroom? And do the Secret Service come in with you? Will you ever have bathroom privacy again?? (Answer any of these pressing questions you wish.)

8. On the radio this morning, I heard someone suggest that, as he’s leaving, President Bush should say, “I quit this bitch.” If you were President Bush today, what did you say under your breath as the helicopter flew away?

9. Do you have a crush on Lester Holt? Look. I don’t judge.

10. As president, what kind of first puppy do you get?

Please execute faithfully the answers …. I mean, faithfully execute the answers … I mean, so help you — I mean me — God — or someone — to this survey.

this just in

My crush on Lester Holt proceeds apace.

I want to write him a note with hearts on it and have Sheila pass it to him in the halls at 30 Rock.

human

I try to avoid too much discussion of politics on this blog. I’m no expert, first of all; second, I generally dislike the tone of blogs that exclusively discuss politics; and third, there’s nothing more annoying to me than a blogger suddenly abandoning the usual tone of posts to blog about politics. It’s jarring, isn’t it? Especially if you disagree with them politically. You end up thinking, “Well, I used to like her, but now I think she’s a boob and an idiot and I want her to shut up.”

Still, I’m going to momentarily be a boob and an idiot and make you wish I’d shut up.

I want to say a little something about our incoming president and our outgoing president and then I’ll be done, okay?

Something is bothering me and that’s this:

Why is it that neither of these men, George W. Bush and Barack Obama, is allowed to be human?

Why are they viewed with such ridiculous hyperbole?

George W. Bush is subhuman, a devil, a demon, the man who’s ruined the world, whatever. He’s made mistakes as our president, but he’s positively reviled for his mistakes. That bastard! How dare he screw up?? And because of his mistakes, it seems to me, he’s now deemed subhuman. And it’s not fair.

Barack Obama, by contrast, is superhuman, an angel, a savior, the man who will redeem the world. He doesn’t make mistakes, it seems, or won’t, or if he does, we will likely not hear of them. He’s “The One.” He’s superhuman. Also not fair.

These men are human, for God’s sake. Bush is not subhuman; Obama is not superhuman. Bush made mistakes; Obama will make mistakes. I abhor this black-and-white thinking. It degrades both men, actually, when neither of them is allowed to be human beings. It’s ridiculous and unfair. I actually heard the NBC Washington Bureau chief say yesterday (I’m paraphrasing), “People don’t know just how much of his presidency Bush spent working out.” Seriously, dude? Are you a moron? If that’s the case, why didn’t we hear about it long before this? I’m sure we would have. What a lame-ass parting shot. Bush — that lazy work-out devil.

Then today, on the radio, I heard a woman from Maryland say, “It doesn’t matter that Maryland is broke if Obama is president.” Really? Why does it suddenly not matter? Because our guardian angel is here? That’s insane, lady. It’s nonsensical.

Can we modulate our thinking towards these men? Is it possible at all?

I didn’t vote for Obama, but I wish him well. I do. I’m not one of those extreme positionalists who can’t do that. I hate the kind of thinking that wishes, even longs, for his failure. I’m selfish enough to realize that any Obama failure could negatively affect me. So I wish him well, but I do not expect perfection. I don’t deify him and, frankly, the people who are doing so are wearing me to a nub. I have a God already, thank you.

I wish Obama his humanity as much as I wish George W. Bush be allowed to own his again.

One last thing occurs to me:

Whatever one may think of Bush, it cannot be denied that we’ve been safe, SAFE, in the seven years since 9/11. This is a huge duh, I know. I’m not the first person to say this, but you know what? Last week, when I first heard a plane had crash-landed in the Hudson, I immediately thought terrorism. I did. That is my first thought now when something falls out of the sky. And I wonder, is it yours too? How many of us think terrorism when we first hear of things like this? That’s the legacy of 9/11 on the psyches of many — that question is always there, front and center, when events of this nature occur.

And you know something else? That has been my first thought in these situations ever since Halloween 1999 when my aunt and uncle were murdered on Egypt Air 990. I’m not saying this to say I’m special because of it. No. I say this to say my family and I were forced to become aware of the issue of terrorism somewhat before the rest of the country. And when terrorism hits your family, your tribe, you quickly became accustomed to ruminating, probably too much, on issues of personal safety. If we can thank Bush for nothing else, let’s thank him — seriously — that he was vigilant on the issue of our personal safety. Are we so quick to devalue that? Our very lives? Our survival? My elderly aunt and uncle were terrorized in the moments before their crashing deaths by a horrific, aerial roller coaster ride courtesy of a rogue Muslim pilot. On 9/11, people exploded in jet-fueled fireballs. People suffocated alone in darkness. People burned to death. People jumped from those buildings, soaring too long in that open air before death came up to meet them. People sat trapped in those buildings, frantically calling loved ones, when they felt the buildings start to cave and collapse, sweeping them into oblivion — a person, now part of the pile of rubble.

My God. My God.

Do we truly devalue our lives so much that we cannot thank this man for our safety — that those nightmarish fates have not been ours?

I hope not. I truly hope not.

That human being who was our president, George W. Bush, made our safe lives his priority and I do thank him for that.

hahaha

I got a lovely email from reader Mandy — a hilarious email, actually — where she talked about her Twilight issues. (I am proud to now be a sounding board here for anyone to express their interest, abashed or unabashed, in the Twilight series.) She said she’d recently purchased some mini buttons for her sister and herself that feature a stick woman yelling at a stick man: “Sparkle, you fool! Sparkle!”

So, of course, I Googled, and, I think I found the button Mandy referred to here.

sparkle.jpg

We are all ripe with insanity.

quote of the day

MB: People think she’s smokin’ hot — I just think she’s smokin’ odd.

(Knowing who he’s talking about makes this even funnier …. uhm, to me.)

quote of the day

MB: Maybe the dingo got foreclosed on.

(Only comprehensible if one has seen a certain episode of Seinfeld, I imagine …. and reads this blog regularly.)

This is now my mantra, accent and all.

gripe about “twilight”

My sister and I, on the phone.

She: You know what bugged me about the love scenes?

Me: What?

She: The breasts were completely ignored! What is up with that? So Bella has no breasts?

Me: No, Sis. No, I guess she does not.

She: That sucks.

Me: Bad.

She: She needs to fix that.

Me: Right now.

(pause)

She: What’s wrong with us?

Me: Nothing at all.

a fantasy

And I promise this won’t be about Edward’s butterscotch eyes. Although I do have to say, that these days, any time I go to my inbox and see an email from sarahk that’s about Twilight or, you know, Edward’s delicious butterscotch eyes, I am transported from the doldrums and despair of these days I’m in to an ecstatic, apparently alliterative trance. I’m losing my home, but there’s always Twilight.

Don’t judge me! The sheer escapism of it all is actually helping.

Okay. The fantasy.

Stop reading now if you’re currently reading the books or plan to. A wee spoiler coming up. Seriously.

So the fantasy is that one of my favorite jewelry designers, Deryn Mentock, would make the Bella bracelet from Eclipse. You know, the one with the silver links and the hand-carved wolf and the crystal — well, diamond heart.

Now I know there is already an official Twilight bracelet. Because I’m insane and I checked. BUT the wolf, apparently, is not wood. He’s copper or something because Stephenie Meyer didn’t think a wooden one could be mass produced. Maybe she’s right; what do I know? So that’s why I’d love to see someone like Deryn do a whole series of gorgeous handmade bracelets like only she can.

(Do not ask me how the wolf would be made. I am just the idea person. I just create questions, not answers. I thought we all knew that.)

So. There it is. Mucha moola to be made.

I get 10 percent.

sighh ….

You know, I have NO idea who these two kids are. I just really like the photo is all.

edwardbella.png
I see it says “Edward/Bella.” Who could they be?? They’re very pretty is all I know.