ME: (to MB, while perusing a takeout menu of a new place) Oooh! You should see this! They have all these hummus-based creams on their sandwiches — cranberry, mustard, cucumber …………….. I’m trying to figure out the Holy Roman Empire.
What?? No segue. None. Just … one minute it’s hummus; 5 seconds later, it’s Charlemagne and I expect everyone to know what I’m talking about, dammit!
SO much to learn about turkeys, you turkeys! WOO-HOO!
Take the Turkey Trivia Quiz!
To get the ball rolling, I will openly flaunt my ignorance here like boobins in a low-cut dress: I only got 10 out of 20.
I knew some of the more obscure ones, though. (Take THAT low-cut ignorance!) Uhm, also, I had a few lucky guesses. MB got 13 out of 20. (I hate him so much.) We were divorced for 10 minutes so I threw on my low-cut ignorance dress and hit the clubs where I had drinks with Alan Rickman and Tom Selleck and Mr. Darcy. WOO-HOO!
What’s that you’re saying? I seem a little off today? Oh, no, I’m fine. FINE, I say, for Pete’s nuts!
Just take the quiz and show off your brilliance in the comments. Just know you risk my wrath if you get more than 10. And we ALL know about my seething wrath.
MB, drily commenting about the dolphin postcard in this post:
“Well, it certainly captures that unbridled enthusiasm that everyone but us feels about San Diego.”
I’m sorry. It was his tone that killed me. Seriously, I am dead.
I’ve never been a draw-er. Someone who draws. I’ve been a first class doodler most my life, though. During class lectures. During church sermons. During other people’s wedding ceremonies. Stuff like that. Lately — I don’t know why exactly, but I have my theories that I won’t get into now — I’ve been, uhm, trying to draw. It started during the dying gasps of Boheme — you remember that coffeehouse I had? Yeah, that — and it’s still ongoing.
I guess I find it soothing. I can’t rock in my chair anymore, so I do this instead. And I just keep doing it.
Just, oh …. rummaging round in my noggin, seeing what’s in there, doin’ my own thang.
So don’t laugh. At least not openly, ‘kay?
This was drawn a while back at that Boheme place. What is my preferred medium, you ask? Well, here it was Sharpie and colored pencils and coffee. Coffee was the accidental finishing glaze when I spilled it, dabbed frantically as if trying to save the freakin’ Mona Lisa, and subsequently ruined the whole thing.
Poor little chimney sweep.
This is so cool and SO easy, who wouldn’t want to do it? Let’s Say Thanks is a site that lets you send a postcard to one of our soldiers overseas. They’ve made is so SO simple, though, that I just want to kiss them. Just pick out a design — the cards are designed by kids, isn’t that great? — pick out a sentiment or write your own — and click SEND. They print up the card and send it for you!
I went over to the site and started getting all choked up. Happens to me every time with anything relating to the military. I have no relatives in the military; I actually don’t know anyone who’s currently in the military. It’s just the idea that anyone would do this for us. That, combined with all the sweet, heartfelt drawings from these kids.
What a perfect thing to do for the holidays!
Here are a few designs I’m enjoying:
I love the sentiment on this one …
This makes me laugh … yeah, muscle car!!
Because I am in love with the tree here, I think this may be one that I send ….
I love the detail on this one … another one I’m sending ….
Before I could even TELL what it said or saw the location, I said to myself, “Oh, this kid’s from San Diego.” Hahaha! I know my people.
Okay. I’ve got some postcards to send.
Oh, no. Oh, NO. I am a sucker for stuff like this. Here’s a video of precious Bernie the Dog, who was severely burned in the wildfires here a couple weeks ago. Doctors are now giving him a cutting edge treatment normally reserved for humans.
Look at that sweet sad face. I’m sorry. I can’t resist him. His owners haven’t come forward to claim him — which I cannot even believe. Another family has stepped up to adopt him, apparently, but if I hear that they don’t take him, you know I am all OVER this little woojie.
He will be MINNNNE!!
Everything’s been so crazy ’round here lately, excuse me, will you, while I engage in some mental flightiness? It’s like I need to offload or something.
I irrationally hate Gloria Estefan.
I sometimes wonder whatever happened to Heather Graham.
I like Tom Selleck. I always have. I think he’s adorable. Okay. I used to have a huge poster of him in my room. I would move out of his line of sight when I dressed, though.
I have a dance crush on Helio Castroneves from “Dancing with the Stars.”
I guess it’s only fair to state that MB has a dance crush on Edyta Sliwinskaskinnybutt from “Dancing with the Stars.”
I am reading “Marie Antoinette” by Antonia Fraser. Louis XVI is driving me crazy right now. Make a decision, man! I mean, in retrospect! From beyond the grave! Please!
This is a problem. I get too wrapped up in people’s dead-and-done deeds. I love them, but reading histories exhausts me.
For instance, I’m still mad at Magellan.
Every year, I become deeply excited about any and all holiday movies looming on the cinematic horizon. They are like the pony in the poo pile of life, you know? Right now it’s Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium and Fred Claus.
I unconditionally love all Christmas commercials involving animated creatures sliding on snow, like that Norelco Santa of Yore. Now there are some slidey snowmen or something in a commercial for some god-awful singing Hallmark something. I deeply love this commercial even while the product (whatever the heck it is) shivers me timbers.
I once read a blurb in a book by that self-realization guru, Paramahansa Yogananda, that talked about wanting to be the “naughty baby of the universe.” I quickly realized that realizing myself was not for me.
I sometimes wonder whatever happened to Bosco Wasco, this funny, big-faced kid from 5th grade.
I’m still laughing at something Piper said a few weeks ago when we visited her. Climbing back into their car after her soccer game, she said, “I want Uncle Beloved to sit by me.” “What?? Not Tee Tee anymore?” Mock disappointment. She just said, “Tee Tee, you’ve had lots of turns already.” Yes, you must learn to share, Tee Tee.
ME: Thank God we went to Target. The razor situation in this house was getting unbearable.
HE: I know.
ME: I mean, my underarms were like little flesh kiwis.
HE: Oh!
(I am a real catch, I tell ya.)
Another day:
HE: I beg to differ.
ME: Oh, yeah? Really? Where’s the begging?
I’m about to start reading “IV” by Chuck Klosterman because I love Chuck Klosterman.
Also, on deck after that is “Stiff” by Mary Roach. It’s kinda hard to resist a book that says, “This is a book about notable achievements made while dead.”
Not that I’m morbid or anything.
So. Uhm.
What’s up with all of you?
