A well-known blogger blogs “American Idol” every week. So why the heck can’t I get back on the bandwagon? I’ve done this once before — and I’m daring to do it again. And if you’re a regular reader, you know I have a little bit of a past with singing, auditioning, theatre, etc., for whatever the heck that’s worth to you ….
All right. Blogging live here. Don’t expect too much coherence, mmm’kay?
(Oh, and the theme tonight is “Songs From The Year You Were Born” — Whooppee. We all get to feel ancient and creaky by comparison.)
Nadia’s up first — sings some thing called “When I Dream.” Looking sultry, but her hair is rather taking over the world. Upside: her red, drapey short dress showing off those gams. Looks betta than she sounds, IMO. I just thought the song was monotonous. Randy says, “I don’t even know what song that is.” (No kidding.) Simon says, “That was the equivalent of musical wall paper. You notice the wall paper but you don’t remember it. I think you could go home after that.” (I’m more likely to remember nice wall paper than that song. Better hike up that skirt as you leave the stage, honey. I’m just here to help.)
Bo — Singing Skynyrd’s “Free Bird.” (I assume a shortened version.) He’s definitely got that forceful-grabby-mic thing down pat. Okay. I’m worried. He’d better start going somewhere here, ’cause it’s getting a little boring. Strong finish, but too little too late on this song, I think. And I like this guy. Randy: “You could have a hit wi’dat, dude.” Paula: “See you at the finals.” Simon: “I’m gonna disagree. I think people are gonna say, ‘What the hell was that?’ You can’t take a sacred rock song like that and sing it worse.” (Hey — I said it was boring. And I like this guy.)
Anwar — Dionne Warwick, “I Know I’ll Never Love This Way Again.” I’m already dry heaving because I hate this song. (Well, okaaaay. Let’s not be hasty. I wouldn’t be opposed, say, if my husband hired a wiry little old lady to warble it at my funeral when I crump it. But then he’s only allowed to laugh. Quietly. I mean, it is my funeral.) All right. Here’s the thing: Anwar needs to learn to sing with his eyes. He always looks petrified, like he’s Shelly Duvall in “The Shining” or something. I just never quite believe him emotionally. Oh, here we go: “I KNO-O-O-OW …I’ll NE-E-E-VVERR … LOOOVVE this way A-GAAAIIN. H-O-O-OOO-LD ON . H-O-O-OLD O-ONNNN!!!” Well, he’s really a lovely singer and he’s never off pitch. I’m just prejudiced against this song. That vocal roller coaster of the chorus is tedious. Anwar just needs to work on showmanship — maybe watch his tapes and pay more attention to really selling it to the audience. Randy gives him “props.” Paula: “Consistently great.” Simon: “One of your better performances. But you’re like a blanket, comforting and safe.” Well, good for you, Shelly D.
Up next, Anthony (Ugh) The Blonde Harry Potter: With “Every Time You Go Away.” (I like this song, actually. But Paul Young’s version.) We’ll see. Starts off with the fakey, grossy seductive gaze into the cam. Maybe if I were 13. He doesn’t give enough breath support to his low notes, so they fade and go flat. If he’s ice cream, he’s vanilla, but, again, that’s kind of an insult to vanilla ice cream. Okay. He’s Tofutti. Ohh … just did the emphatic finger point. Ugh. Hold that last note, Tofutti. Randy: “I was wondering how you’d do, you did your thang.” (That’s Randy being middle of the road, as we all know by now.) Paula’s gooey and proud of him. Simon: “You did well this week.”
Vonzell: “Let’s Hear It For The Boy.” Gonna be hard to sing. Let’s see. A fast song killed Tamyra a few years ago. She’s very cute, but for me, she never seems 100% committed to her songs. There’s a kind of distance she has. She’s off pitch a bit. The audience is getting into it, though. I think she’s doing well-ish. She doesn’t really dance, just kinda walks around and poses. Randy: “You know what? Another great performance from you.” Paula: “Your energy … you’re just adorable.” Simon: “Very good choice of song. I think you’re the one who’s going to stay and Nadia’s the one who’s going to go.”
Scott, the domestic abuser: Let’s face it. He’s creepy. “She’s Gone” by Hall and Oates, who are in attendance tonight. Opening note is waaay off. Blech. He’s not working those low notes. Come on, dude. Your diaphragm is certainly big enough! (Hmmm … “She’s gone ’cause I beat the crap outta her,” maybe?) Randy: “Scotty, what’s up, baby? You started off rough. The low notes were pitchy.” (Uh-huh.) “You brought it home at the end.” (What does that really mean? You sang it without dropping dead?) Paula: “You did awesome.” Simon: “You’re a nice guy, however, there were more bum notes than good notes.” (Yep.) “On the whole it wasn’t very good.” Then … Scott stupidly retorts, “On the other hand, there are millions of people sittin’ at home who didn’t have the nerve to do this, so I think I rock.” (Hmmm, Scott. How ’bout this: On the other hand, there are millions of people sitting at home with better sense than to make asses of themselves on national TV.) Sorry. I truly dislike this guy. Go home go home go home go home ….. To quote what Farmer Hoggett said to “Babe”: “That’ll do, pig.”
Carrie: “Love is a Battlefield,” Pat Benatar. I LOVE Pat Benatar. Ambitious, but this kid can SAAHNG, even if she doesn’t always inspire. She looks good. First time I’ve ever seen her look remotely sexy. She doesn’t really move well, though. But who cares? She sounds (mostly) amazing. Benatar is tough, so there are a few off parts. A singer with a 4 1/2 octave range is hard to cover. But good for you, girl. You did bring the house down. Randy: “Pitchy a bit. Messed up the words. It was aiight.” Audience disagrees. Paula thought she rocked. Simon: “I think you needed to do this after last week, but a little bit like watching a kitten who wants to be a tiger.” Don’t worry, kid. I think you’re in no danger.
And last but not least … the musical equivalent of a tongue down your throat ….
Constantine: “Bohemian Rhapsody,” by Queen. Oh, are you kidding me, sweetie? Don’t even try Freddie Mercury. It’s makin’ me mad and he hasn’t even started yet. Here he goes. Well, he growls at the right time. Ohh … the tongue came out just now. (And what did I just say?) Ewwww …. Don’t start channeling Gene Simmons, hon. Well, I don’t know what the judges will say. Such an iconic song. He sold it better than he sang it, I think. Hmmm …. You just kinda hate yourself because you can’t help but like him. Randy: “Yo, man. All right, Showmanship 10, Singing 7.” (Agreed.) Paula: “The one to beat.” Simon: “That was astonishing.” (Wow, Simon. Even his whole musical porn schtick?)
Bottom 3: Nadia, Bo (and I like him!), and Scott (oh please please please ….) And I’m cheating and saying maybe Anthony because it’s my blog and, because, well, I can cheat if I want to …
Adios to: SCOTT.