A game to play to while away the work hours.

Send word ladder combos in emails to your work colleagues! Well, unless your email is monitored! Then I’m sorry, your job sucks! Work them in your cubicle while the boss is or isn’t looking, depending on how much you like or care about your job!

S’fun and s’guaranteed not to get you fired. But what do I know about anything? I don’t even get HIRED because of my prejudice against puppets. Because I’m a puppetist? A puppist? A puppophobe? Whatevs. Because I hate puppets.

Okay.

The rules are simple: Pick any two four-letter words, and by changing one letter at a time, turn the first word into the second. The catch is that each variation has to also be a word.

For example:

Atom → Bomb:
atom, atop, stop, slop, slob, blob, boob, bomb.

Oreo → Milk:
oreo, ores, ares, ales, alms, aims, dims, dams, dame, dime, mime, mile, milk.

Eels → Sand:
eels, ells, elms, alms, arms, arts, ares, area, aria, arid, grid, grad, goad, good gold, gild, mild, mind, rind, rand, sand.

For competition, see who can solve a set the fastest, or who can make the fewest permutations. You can try five letter words, pippa, but don’t come crying to me if you slit your wrists over it.

Here are a few to try:

Keys → Lock
Drum → Toms
Holy → Oven

Happy changing!

I just found this new site. Sign up for a free account to access the brain games. S’fun! S’addicting!

Click on “games” and then pick the kind of game you’d like to play. I’m currently slitting my wrists over the Face Memory Workout. Seems like it will be easy and then you need to kill yourself.

So have FUN slitting your wrists with me, pippa!

Cara reminded me on her blog that a few months ago, she’d felt blocked in her writing, emailed me for any exercises I might have, and I’d given her one called Who? What? Where? It’s basically a modification of an acting improv. I’ve done it a lot myself over the years and I’ve used it on my kids in my past drama classes and camps.

The exercise would basically go like this:

I’d have each student write down a who, a what, and a where on three separate slips of paper and then I’d place them in three separate bowls. Two students would volunteer to improv, pick their slips from the bowls, and then do the improv based on what they got.

Oh, for instance:

Who: Two old ladies (funnier if two guys picked it, which happened sometimes)

What: An ostrich

Where: At the beach

And hilarity would ensue, you see.

So I dug through my emails and found the actual list I’d sent to Cara. I wrote it without stopping to think, just wrote the first who/what/wheres that popped into my head. I share them with you now, pippa, if you want to play the game on your own or leave a story in the comments. Write them out on slips of paper. Keep them in separate piles. Then pick one from each pile: a who, a what, and a where.

Heeeere they are …..

(Well, I changed one “Who” because it was really a “Who” and a “Where”)

WHO:

1.  Marilyn Monroe

2.  Man in a wheelchair

3.  Nancy Pelosi

4.  An electrician

5.  An albino child

6.  Siamese twins

7.  A phone sex operator

8.  Tyra Banks’ personal trainer

9.  A cult leader

10.  A world-class chess player

WHAT:

1.  A coin purse

2.  An abacus

3.  A golf cart

4.  A baby elephant

5.  A fur coat

6.  A banjo

7.  A box of sparklers

9.  An allergy to something

10  A  rosary

WHERE:

1.  A cemetery

2.  A monastery

3.  A yurt in Mongolia (okay, that’s a what and where — oops!)

4.  A mannequin factory

5.  A snow cave

6.  An artist’s retreat

7.  A wedding reception

8.  A dog grooming business

9.  A funeral home

The Rules: Uh, the answer has to be one word.

I think I got this from Sheila several months ago. And sometimes, you’re just feeling lazy.

1. Where is your cell phone? Table
2. Your significant other? Working
3. Your hair? Ponytail
4. Your mother? Haunted
5. Your father? Dreamer
6. Your favorite time of day? Dusk
7. Your dream last night? Longing
8. Your favorite drink? Coffee
9. Your dream goal? Meaning
10. The room you’re in? Bedroom
11. Your fear? Alone
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Elsewhere
14. What you are not? Tan
15. Your Favorite meal? Asian
16. One of your wish list items? Trust
17. The last thing you did? Dinner
18. Where you grew up? SD
19. What are you wearing? Jeans
20. Your TV is? Old
21. Your pets? No
22. Your computer? Mac
23. Your life? Alien
24. Your mood? Perplexed
25. Missing someone? Always
26. Your car? Dependable
27. Something you’re not wearing? Nosy
28. Favorite store? Online
29. Your summer? Sticky
30. Your favorite colour? Red
31. When is the last time you laughed? Earlier
32. When is the last time you cried? Yesterday
33. Your health? Good
34. Your children? Missing
35. Your future? Dubious
36. Your beliefs? Tested
37. Young or old? Mid-ish
38. Your image? Invisible
39. Your appearance? Visible
40. Would you live your life over again knowing what you know? Unsure

I was just at the mall — the holiday weekend mall — and at one point I literally had to escape to a dressing room just so I could curl up into fetal position and have some me time. I didn’t have anything to try on; I just needed some alone time to, you know, quiver and suck my thumb. I do this frequently because I am prone to flappy-armed anxiety when there are just too many people around. Really, they’re not so much dressing rooms to me as my personal and momentary studio apartment. So that’s nice.

You see, I hate the mall and I hate shopping and I really don’t know when that all began for me but that attitude seems to be here to stay. If you feel the same as I do, I really recommend the dressing room/studio apartment escape tactic. You just sit there or — bonus — lie down if there’s a bench and ignore all the gammies who come banging on the door because they are desperate to try on their elastic jewel-toned pants. You just tell ‘em, “Gammie! They’re elastic! Eeeeelaaasssticccc. Trust me, they’ll fit! If they don’t, you need to embrace the muumuu and that’s a whole different department!”

You know, because I think it’s important to be helpful while you’re being selfish. You just feel better about yourself, which I’m pretty sure is what life is all about.

So with my mall hatred fresh in mind, I have some questions for you:

(Copy and paste into comments — the usual instructions, pippa.)

1) What’s the worst thing to have to shop for in the mall and why?

2) What’s the best thing to have to shop for in the mall and why?

3) What’s your least favorite item of clothing to have to try on? Why?

4) For that matter, do you even try on clothes or do you just purchase and take your chances, figuring you can return them later?

5) T/F: I have purchased clothing to wear one time and then returned it. (I won’t judge you. Openly. To myself, oh, yes, I will, you hooligan. Otherwise, no, I love you, of course.)

6) Men: Do you sit in those limbo chairs whilst your wife tries on clothes and try to think of nice things to say about the crap she models for you or do you go elsewhere when she does that?

7) Women: Do you or would you make your man sit in those limbo chairs whilst you try on clothes? If so, uhm, WHY??? (I have no opinion on this.)

8) Men: T/F I feel completely comfortable in Victoria’s Secret or the lingerie section of any department store.

9) Fill in the blank: A trip to the mall should be no longer than _____________.

10) If you hate the mall, how do you make a trip there more bearable?

11) Women: Do you let your friends in the dressing room with you?

12) Men: Do you let your friends in the dressing room with you?

13) If you go to a mall that has a food court, where would you usually eat? I’m not talking a hostess-leads-you-to-a-table restaurant. I’m talking food court, baby.

14) What is your favorite store in your local mall?

15) T/F: I have had sex in a store dressing room. (Hey, it’s an anthropological question. It’s all for science, I swear.)

Thank you for taking my Mall Survey and I’m sorry, so very sorry, if you find yourself visiting a mall this holiday weekend. Stay home and read the Constitution instead.

Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

Because these are the kinds of things that clog my brain. Not the plight of GM or Chrysler, not the immigration issue, not the next Supreme Court appointment. No. No. It’s the minutiae that disables me, the excessive wondering if I’m normal which basically makes me abnormal which is no real surprise here.

So please. Answer these for me. (Copy and paste, copy and paste, pippa.)

You may give what you think is a typical, sensible range for these.

1) How many pairs of underwear should a person have?

2) How many bras should a woman have? (Men, unless you have an ardent opinion, you may skip this.)

3) How many pairs of socks?

4) How many purses should a woman have? (Men, see note above.)

5) How many ties should a man have?

6) How many pairs of shoes should a woman have? A man?

7) How many sheet sets should a person have for their bed — just the one bed?

8) How many pairs of sunglasses should a person have? (I live in Southern California; this is an issue. You are JUDGED by how many pairs of sunglasses you have.)

That’s all for now. Thankee.

I seem to like my nosy Friday surveys to have a little theme. ‘Member the bathroom one? Hahaha. That’s a favorite of mine. I learned so much.

Anyhoo. Today’s, with a car theme.

Please copy and paste into comments so everyone can follow the questions and answers.

1) If you were ever to own a vintage car, what kind of car would you like it to be?

2) Do you sing in the car? If so, do you stop if someone drives by you or pulls up next to you?

3) Do you groom in the car? If so, what do you do?

4) List the best/most comfortable kind of car you’ve ever personally made out in. Look, I know you have. Maybe even — gasp! — more.

5) What is in the back seat of your car right now? (And don’t tell me it’s you, making out or more, okay?)

6) Anything dangling from your rearview mirror? If so, what is it?

7) Are you pro dangling car testicles or anti dangling car testicles?

8) If I pulled up to you at a stoplight, could I hear your stereo? What would it likely be playing?

9) Do you have a hands-free device for your cell phone? (If you live in CA, it’s the law now. I live in CA and I don’t have one because I enjoy being a scofflaw. Shhhhh.)

10) Do you like using your cell phone while driving or would you rather throw it out the window, like me?

11) Tell me, parents, how you occupy your kids on a long car trip. (Can’t wait for these answers.)

12) Rubbernecking at accident sites — yea or nay?

13) You are lost. Your GPS, if you have one, isn’t working. What do you do?

14) Have you ever run over an animal? What kind? (Mammals only.) What did you do?

15) What color is your car? (This may seem boring to you, but the most minute details of other’s lives are fascinating to me.)

16) What’s in your glove compartment — beyond the basic registration papers, etc.?

17) Offer me, please, your theory of why some people blatanly pick their noses in the car.

18) Some young dude jaywalks across the street right in front of your car. He’s just strolling across the street, taking his time. Do you slow down or speed up?

19) You pull up to a stoplight with a homeless guy standing there, advertising his hunger. Let’s say it’s Brunch Hungry Guy. He’s right outside your window, staring at you. Do you give him money? Ignore him? Smile apologetically?

20) T/F In a wee fit of road rage, I have flipped someone off whilst driving.

21) Isn’t the 1965 Mustang convertible in Poppy Red with the Pony interior one of the prettiest cars you’ve ever seen? I couldn’t make it fit horizontally, so just turn your heads sideways, pippa. (Some day, 1965 Mustang convertible in Poppy Red with the Pony interior, some day.) You don’t really have to answer this question. This is supposed to be a neutral, objective survey. Flagrant editorializing has no place here.

Copy and paste, copy and paste into comments! Please! It’s too hard to follow answers if you don’t. I beseech you, peaches.

1) What was your favorite thing to wear to school?

2) What’s the weirdest thing you can remember wearing to elementary school?

3) How did you get to school — walking, bus, carpool, cab, etc.?

4) Name one other student who made your days miserable in grade school. If you don’t want to say the real name, give us one that rhymes or something. For instance, if your nemesis was really Buster Bobka, you could call him, oh, Custer Cobka or Fuster Fobka instead. See that? Oh, I hate that Custer Cobka SO much.

5) Describe which “type” you were most like: class clown, prankster, shy kid, bully, etc. (Yes, please stereotype yourself for my amusement, thank you.)

6) Most beloved teacher and why?

7) Most loathed teacher and why?

8) What was your favorite school lunch or brown bag or both, if you partook of both.

9) What did you usually do during recess?

10) Did you ever get sent to the principal’s office, and if so, for what, you naughty minx?

11) I saw a kid pee his pants during our third grade spelling bee. He could not spell Caesar — for shame! — promptly lost his wee and sat down in tears. Witness anything similar?

12) What would you say now to your grade school self? A word of encouragement? Warning? Advice?

13) Any grade school crushes? Names? Descriptions? Kissing in the playground bushes? (I did not!)

14) Who was the school bully and did he/she ever bully you? (Or were you the bully? I am so disappointed in you, tsk tsk.)

15) And, honestly now, did you ever give or receive a wedgie?

Okay. You’ve got to be willing to be whimsical and and a bit goofy to complete this survey. Pretend you’re wearing a big silly hat and you’ll adopt the proper mood, I think. Better yet, find a big silly hat, plop it on, and complete the survey. It’s Friday and I just wanna play!

(Copy and paste into comments for easier reading, thanks.)

Ready? These questions are about your name. Some people love their names; others hate ‘em; others feel eh. To answer these questions, try to separate your name from you. Think of the sound of your name. The feel of it, etc. If we don’t know your real name, well, it just makes it that much more mysterious, if you ask me.

1) If your name were a flower, what kind of flower would it be? A rose? Hibiscus? Prickly pear?

2) If your name were a color, what color would it be? Give me more than just, say, “red.” Give me “The red earth of Sedona.” You know, be poetic, pippa.

3) If your name were a musical instrument, what would it be?

4) If your name were a kind of candy, what kind of candy would it be?

5) If your name were an ice cream flavor, what flavor would it be?

6) If your name were a city anywhere in the world, which city would it be?

7) If your name were a food, what would it be? Be specific. Not just “Italian”; say “Mushroom risotto in truffle sauce” or something.

8) If your name were a weather forecast, what would the forecast be?

9) If your name were a car, what kind of car would it be?

10) If your name were a book, not yet written, what would the book be about?

Okay. GO!

UPDATE: ALL ARE SOLVED!! GOOD JOB EVERYONE AND THANKS FOR PLAYING!!

Since someone sent me an email and asked, here’s a link to the first round of Mystery Letters from a few years back — if you’re wanting more or want to do them with your family. I remember the ones in the first round are more general in theme — and there are even MORE of them to drive you nuts, hahaha.

All right. Only 2 left. I can’t give more blatant hints than these.

#4) One of the words, scrambled is: OOINPT

#14) One of the words, scrambled is: DANSIB

I know you can do it.